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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Self esteem boosting things? - June 15th 2011, 04:28 PM

My friend is amazing, but she feels really inadequate. I try to tell her things she's good at but she always just points out somebody who can do that better, or denies it.
I know you don't actually know what she's good at, but what are some nice things I can say to her that she can't argue with?
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Re: Self esteem boosting things? - June 15th 2011, 05:39 PM

If you are commenting on how good/nice she looks and she replies no I am not or something then say, are you looking at yourself right now I don't think so...say this with a big grin on your face, and you can't be near a mirror obviosly as then it would be slightly flawed....

That probably didn't help much...sorry...I will try and think of some more ....


"Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

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Re: Self esteem boosting things? - June 15th 2011, 05:47 PM

Thank you, that helps! I'm writing a list, so if you think of anymore I can add them
   
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Re: Self esteem boosting things? - June 16th 2011, 06:26 AM

Keep in mind that your friend will probably continue to deny she's attractive/talented/friendly/etc. for quite some time. When someone constantly rejects your compliments, that's a sign their self-esteem is pretty low. At some point, they'll have to learn to love themselves - no amount of encouragement from friends and family members will convince them they're worthy of being loved. It's something they have to realize for themselves.

With that being said, the next time she rejects your compliments or puts herself down, I would stop and say something like, "That's not true, why would you say that?" Finding other ways to tell her she's attractive/talented/friendly/etc. isn't going to work. She's going to keep thinking, "Uh huh, sure, I know you're just trying to be nice." Instead, you need to directly challenge her views - not in a hostile way, of course, but in a loving way. When someone is asked WHY they believe they are ugly/stupid/failures/etc. they usually spit out some generic response. You can continue to question them, though... and eventually, if you do that often enough, they may start to re-examine their view of themselves, thus giving them the opportunity to discover things to love about themselves. =)





   
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