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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Harmony♥ Offline
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Cousin coming to visit. - June 15th 2011, 06:21 PM

Hey guys!
I'm coming here, instead of the staff forums to get others opinions as well (Don't hate me fellow Staffers. I <3 U guys!)

Anyways, my cousin Jessica is coming in from Tennessee next Friday. Is it wrong of me to say that I'm not the least bit excited. Jessica is a couple of years older than me, but she has the chromosomal condition called Down's Syndrome. She is a very healthy girl otherwise, and she is a sweetheart...for the most part.

She always comes to visit usually towards the end of summer, but due to her father and stepmother's messy divorce battle that's going on, my grandma would prefer she be here away from the mess, which is completely understandable. I think it's great she'll be in a better environment away from her crazy "mother".

However, I'm not exactly excited. Jessica tends to be a bit jealous of me, and I her. I seek attention whenever I can get it, and being 21 I know this is a little immature of me, but I always feel like I need to prove myself to my grandmother and my other family. I'm the youngest, so this is why I feel that way. But, whenever she comes over, we have to literally hide things. We have to hide the movies she likes because she'll take them and put them in her suitcase to take home, she'll take CD's she likes and do the same thing. I literally have to beg for the remote to the TV to watch a TV show that I like because that's all she does. If I do any of that without asking first, she gives me dirty looks.

I know it's just her condition that makes her this way, but I hate having to compete for stuff that is rightfully mine. I bought some of the movies and CD's that she tries to steal.

I'm not sure how to handle the situation, and if anyone has any tips or pointers or what I can do to help it, it would be greatly appreciated











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Re: Cousin coming to visit. - June 15th 2011, 10:22 PM

If I were you, I may hide stuff like you mentioned but I would also say that I want to search her belongings (i.e. look in the suitcase) if there's something in there. I may not directly say it's to look for CDs and DVDs she steals, rather that I think I mixed something up with her clothing, it's really important to me and I need to find it. Of course if I were to catch her in the act, I would physically take back my property even if she screams, shouts, hits, gives dirty looks, etc... . She may not like the fact someone would take something away from her she wants or look through her stuff but the way you describe her, she cant be trusted. Hopefully her not liking such treatment is an encouragement to not do it again.

Afterward, have a talk as to why I reacted that way and ask why she stole. Obviously she goes out of her way to find these items, suggesting if she's competent enough to do that, she probably can understand right from wrong, even at a basic level. If she truly was like that, then she would be in the lower intelligent group of Down's Syndrome and need a lot of attention and care.

After all this, I would try to put on one of the DVDs or CDs, make some popcorn and watch it together as she wants to see it.

For everything else including this, as bad as it may sound, I would act tyrannical in that she can only do things (within reason) after she asks me. Obviously if she has to pee, I won't interrogate her about it, I'd let her go pee but if she wanted to watch a movie, she would have to ask, otherwise punishments occur regardless of her disability. Perhaps you can have some fun with her, see if she wants to do something or go somewhere but if she literally cries for attention, too bad, it's your roof, your rules and manners are needed. It may be different elsewhere but that doesn't matter.


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Harmony♥ Offline
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Re: Cousin coming to visit. - June 15th 2011, 10:58 PM

Thanks for that! That was actually awesome advice.

The thing is, she has been told before about the stealing. I live with my grandmother and her husband, and my mother. My sister just recently moved out, so she is primarily here to visit with us, but under my grandma's care. My gram does search her suitcases regularly while she is here, and she has even told my cousin that if she continues to steal, that she won't be allowed here anymore. I has worked to some effect, but because of his disability, she sometimes forgets, or she does it anyway out of spite.

I will continue to check her suitcase, and make sure I hide the things that are most important to me, or are valuable in any way. I just hope this trip goes well, since she will be here for an extended period of time.











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Re: Cousin coming to visit. - June 16th 2011, 03:09 AM

Don't just check her suitcase, check what's on her person if anything is missing or even before she goes out of your sight. If she has a purse, check it. If she has a back-pack, check it. If she has large pockets, check them.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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Re: Cousin coming to visit. - June 16th 2011, 06:41 AM

Hey, Shannon! You don't *have* to post in the Staff forums - it's just another option if you'd rather keep certain information confidential. Staff members post in the regular forums all the time. =D

I think the advice you received was excellent... I don't really have anything to add, other than encouragement as you deal with your cousin's (at times) troublesome behavior.





   
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Harmony♥ Offline
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Re: Cousin coming to visit. - June 16th 2011, 09:21 PM

Thanks.

Thankfully, my sister came over today and took her CD's and some of the DVD's that she has purchased and that rightly belong to her. She mostly tends to steal things that belong to the both of us, so we don't have to worry about anything else getting taken. I'm going to remove the movies that she watches constantly, and put them away. I'll also kindly explain to her that if she wants to watch a movie, or listen to a CD that belongs to me, then she has to ask too.











I may wear the glass slippers; But my hero wears combat boots <3 I love you, Lieutenant




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