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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
FlutterFly Offline
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I hate him and I want him gone - June 21st 2011, 01:21 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I hate my brother. And yeah, that sounds like some stupid teenage sibling feud type thing going on. It's not. I'm extremely serious when I say I want him gone. I want him gone, out of my life, just .. fucking GONE.

There hasn't been a time since I was around 12 that I've felt even the slightest bit of tolerance towards him being in my general vicinity. He's downright filthy. Like, he'll wear the same shirt for weeks. He'll never take showers. One day of playing on a computer and he puts dirt streaks down whatever he's using. He was sleeping the living room one day and the ENTIRE room smelt so bad, even my mom told him to get up and take a shower. In the rare times I go into his room, it's hard to even breathe.

But, that's not where my hate stems from. Not even close.


4, maybe 5 years ago he went into my sister's bedroom naked and pulled her off her bed. Thank fucking GOD that is as far as it went. I guess he reconsidered and went back to his own bedroom. My sister said he checked in on her again, twice, to see if she was sleeping. She wasn't. She had trouble sleeping for weeks and had to sleep with her door locked, or sleep in my bedroom. My parents were never told.

Lately, he's been .. masturbating near me. We have two computers in very close vicinity. The computer chairs don't have their backs to each other, but it's far enough away where you don't really see the other person unless you look around. So the first time, I felt the back of my chair shaking and I turned around. He was masturbating RIGHT THERE, with a picture of some girl up. I was so shaken up, I walked out of the room and then started screaming at him.

My mom assumed something a hell of a lot less disturbing (like farting, since I called him 'digusting') happened. A few days later I told her what actually happened and she LAUGHED. The she said she'd 'talk to him'.

Since then it has not happened right beside me. But, it has happened at least three times only two rooms away in a house with no fucking doors (in that pathway, at least). Seriously, I get up and walk around all the time. WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? Every single other person does this shit in their BEDROOMS, ESPECIALLY when there are people downstairs. It's not even like the room is hidden away, if I stand up right now I can see straight into it.

I mean .. if I came downstairs and caught him (when he thought everyone was sleeping), I wouldn't freak out. If I walked into his room and caught him (would never happen), I definitely wouldn't freak out. But when he knows someone is downstairs, when he knows I'm right beside him .. seriously? just .. what the hell ..

Sorry I'm rambling a bit.

My mom does not take this seriously. My dad takes it more seriously than my mom, but not by much. My mom legit tries to tell me that 'this is not completely normal boy behavior, but it is normal boy behavior'. Her words, not mine. Yeah, make sense of that ..

K, so, when people are at this house he will touch them when they don't want to be touched, inappropriately sometimes, and will not stop when asked. He'll say disturbing things that really, I don't want to repeat. Usually sexual in nature. He'll do it to both genders. When playing games he'll sexual harrass people. He'll also say homophobic, sexist, and racist remarks. And it's to a far worse degree than all the stupid preteen boys I've played games with. I've played with many.

Though he's never been tested, my mom has a high suspicion he has Aspergers. So, that's her excuse for everything. Everything scary, threatening, or disturbing he does is pawned off by her because she diagnosed him as autistic. I can't come to her about anything I feel because she bashes me and says I'm immature, stupid, can't let go of a grudge (even though the same thing keeps happening..).

She doesn't understand that I don't ignore him because it's fun for me. I do it because I'm actually scared of living in this house. I've gone to the point of actually disconnecting internet to the computer across from me when he's there because I'm scared of him and I'm sick of constantly feeling like I have to look over my shoulder. I avoid going anywhere with my parents when he is going too. I avoid eating the dinner table because god knows at some point he's going to bring up something really inappropriate/sexual.

He's also incredibly violent, and he has sexually touched girls against their will. But, I don't want to make this any longer. Basically, I won't be surprised if he ends up a rapist or a murder. I wish that was an exaggeration, but it's not. There's a lot I haven't delved into and a lot more going on than what I've listed so far.

It's hard to know where to begin and where to stop. I don't even know what I'm asking you all for here. Maybe just some reassurance that I'm not completely crazy for feeling unsafe and disturbed like my mom tries to make me seem. I'm going to be so happy when I can move out of this house, not have to worry about it or have contact again.

PS: don't try to tell me I have to love my family. I don't. I have more tolerance for people in my family than I would most, but I do not have to love them.

PPS: also, don't try to tell me I actually love my brother I just don't know it. I have a sister. I know what the normal sibling fighting is. This is not normal, this is not okay.
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Re: I hate him and I want him gone - June 28th 2011, 06:56 PM

Hey there, FlutterFly! I'm sorry it took so long for you to receive a reply to this. This is definitely a complicated issue, and I am not going to tell you that "deep down, you really love your brother" or anything like that. We have no right to tell you that what you're feeling isn't true. If you say you hate him, then you probably really do hate him, and it's actually quite understandable why you would. Your brother's actions are absolutely revolting.

I can only suggest two things: continue to avoid your brother at all costs, and consider contacting the police/Child Protective Services. I don't know how old your brother is, but if he's still a minor, all the police would have to do is take one look/smell at him and realize he's not of sound mind. If your brother is an adult, but you're a minor, then the police could have you removed from the home and placed in someone else's care instead. At the very least, I encourage you to give the police a call (not 9-1-1, a non-emergency line) and ask some general questions, like what you can do if you have a brother who does A, B, and C. Look at all your options, then make the decision that's best for you.

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