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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Hate getting close to people - June 24th 2011, 07:20 AM

So I don't mean this in an "oh well if I don't get close to anyone I won't get hurt" kind of way or anything, I just find that I dislike getting really close to people. Like it put a weird feeling in my stomach when my closest friend visited from Oklahoma. I fully enjoy being friendly to the extreme to people when I can (usually over text or something) but I hate witnessing the effects of it. Like the other day I secretively left some spare change on these kids' table because they wanted to play some games at Cici's Pizza and I felt compelled to leave the room so I didn't have to see their reactions when they got it. Like I love acts of kindness more than anything, but I dislike the attention I get for them. Going back to my original point, I love doing nice things for people but I dislike the attention given to me because of it. Like the concept of making some wickedly close friends in college deters me for some reason. Any thoughts/suggestions on how to help this?


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
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"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
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"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
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Re: Hate getting close to people - June 25th 2011, 08:58 PM

.....Hm.

Maybe you should try talking to people a little more, if you want to help it then it sounds like you just need to get closer to people. As for leaving the kids the change.. I understand wanting to leave the room but even if they didn't know you did it, would you have stayed to just see their reactions?

There's nothing wrong with getting attention for doing something to make someone happy, I think you need to keep that in mind next time you want to do something good for someone. After a while you'll probably get used to it and be able to just smile, nod, and say no problem.

I hope that helps at all....?

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Re: Hate getting close to people - June 28th 2011, 07:19 PM

I'm going to flip the tables on you, and ask you to imagine yourself as a friend (or potential friend). Say that you met this guy named Jack, who would text you on occasion and seemed like a really nice guy. Say you met up with Jack, and he seemed friendly enough, but a little anxious, or possibly detached. It would seem like Jack was a totally different person in-person, and that might make you wonder if he was just being a "fake" when texting you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's important to be consistent. I get what you're saying about not wanting to receive praise for doing nice things - it always feels awkward for me. But if you can't show your friends that you care about them in-person as well as via text messaging and random anonymous acts of kindness, then you may end up pushing the very people you care about away.

Definitely try to identify WHY you do this. Is it just about the praise/awkward feelings afterward? Are you shy, or lacking practice in talking to friends in-person? Are you possibly in denial about something, such as how close these friends are to you or how much you care about these friends?





   
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Re: Hate getting close to people - June 30th 2011, 02:03 AM

Haha, sorry for the utter vague-ness of this post, I had just realized that one day and was half asleep in posting this so it's not the most coherent of things. And I definitely show that I are about them in person. I'm not saying that I don't do it, just that I feel odd when I get anything in return. Like I suppose now that I'm really looking at it, I don't hate getting close to people, I just feel somewhat uncomfortable (or at least I think that's it) when I get anything back.


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
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Re: Hate getting close to people - July 4th 2011, 12:10 AM

That's the nature of giving, though... what goes around comes around. =) If you are kind to people, then you can expect kindness in return. I mean, sometimes, people will just take and take, and you don't have to worry about them giving in return. For the most part, however, if you have close friends, then they're going to reciprocate. So I'm afraid all I can say is... get used to it! If you're a nice person, then people are going to be nice to you in return. It's hard to remain neutral or indifferent toward someone who makes the effort to spend time with you, talk to you, give you gifts, etc. That goes for close friends as well as for strangers.





   
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Re: Hate getting close to people - July 4th 2011, 01:19 AM

Pahaha, I think "get over it" was all I needed to hear
I think it's just that I'm not used to being that intimate with anyone and that I've gotten used to thinking receiving anything in return as being selfish Anyways, thanks everyone!


"What do we live for, if not to make life less difficult for each other?"
-George Eliot

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it."
-Groucho Marx

"Don't be afraid your life will end; be afraid that it will never begin."
-Grace Hansen
   
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