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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Long time, no see. - June 29th 2011, 11:07 PM

This summer I'm seeing my family. They're all coming home to my grandmother's house. One of my aunts (who I haven't seen in a long time) has always favored me.
I was always the good little family rock, but she hasn't seen me in years. I'm not a good kid anymore. I "don't listen, swear like a sailor, am disrespectful ..." etc, etc. I'm really afraid that she'll be all excited to see me and have her heart broken, expecting me to be the same. I can handle being a disappointment to my family, but i'd feel so bad if i broke her heart. Also, my hair will be blue at that point and time.
Uh-Oh.

What do I do?
Thanks.
   
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Re: Long time, no see. - July 4th 2011, 12:07 AM

Hey, Gabrielle!

It's one thing if you "don't listen, are disrespectful", etc. around your parents, whom you see every day and are pretty much supposed to rebel against. It's another thing entirely if you act that way around people you don't see often. If you were that way around EVERYONE (family, friends, teachers, strangers, etc.), then I'd say you've got a problem, and you need to seriously reconsider how you want to live your life. If it's just your immediate family that you retaliate against, however... well, you wouldn't be the first teenager to do that. We ALL do it to a certain degree. In fact, I'd say there's something wrong with a teenager if they NEVER go against their parents' wishes in some way... that indicates they aren't thinking for themselves and developing their own identity, which is necessary in order to become a high-functioning adult.

My advice is to get in touch with that non-rebellious side - the one that doesn't lash out at annoying parents or siblings. Be the person you would want your extended family members to see, and they WILL see it! Blue hair doesn't mean you're a snotty brat. =P It's your attitude that counts, not your appearance. If you're truly determined to be kind to your aunt, then I'm sure you can find it within yourself to treat her with love and respect. You may not always be able to do that with your parents, but again, that's something one can expect from a teenager at some point. =)





   
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Re: Long time, no see. - July 4th 2011, 12:16 AM

PSY (Robin):
Aha, I don't rebel against everyone and everything, I'm just have my own opinions and don't agree with that of my mother's.
But you are completely right. Thankyou, very very much. I really appreciate it.
   
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Re: Long time, no see. - July 4th 2011, 12:26 AM

Haha! I can relate to that. Whenever I disagreed with my mother, she'd accuse me of "talking back". After a while, I learned when to stand my ground, and when to just let the issue go. There are some things worth fighting for, and there are times when it's appropriate to disagree. Disagreeing with your mother in front of your aunt, when you know your mother won't take it well, would be a bad idea. So my advice is to either save it for later, when you and your mother can debate in private, or write down your thoughts in a journal and vent your frustrations in that way. Sometimes, it also helps for me to tell myself, "We'll just have to agree to disagree." I'm not always going to agree with other people, and vice versa. That's just how life is. =P It's especially difficult to bite one's tongue around family members, whom you see every day... but if it keeps things peaceful, it may be best to keep some thoughts to yourself. Again, it all depends on the circumstances. =)





   
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Re: Long time, no see. - July 4th 2011, 12:58 AM

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Originally Posted by PSY View Post
Haha! I can relate to that. Whenever I disagreed with my mother, she'd accuse me of "talking back". After a while, I learned when to stand my ground, and when to just let the issue go. There are some things worth fighting for, and there are times when it's appropriate to disagree. Disagreeing with your mother in front of your aunt, when you know your mother won't take it well, would be a bad idea. So my advice is to either save it for later, when you and your mother can debate in private, or write down your thoughts in a journal and vent your frustrations in that way. Sometimes, it also helps for me to tell myself, "We'll just have to agree to disagree." I'm not always going to agree with other people, and vice versa. That's just how life is. =P It's especially difficult to bite one's tongue around family members, whom you see every day... but if it keeps things peaceful, it may be best to keep some thoughts to yourself. Again, it all depends on the circumstances. =)

You're right. I really need to work on letting things go, I find it really hard. I guess I'll just practice until it's time to go to my grandmother's house. Aha, my mother will be so confused when I just agree.
"You know what mom, you're right. Sorry."
"... Wait.. What? Um, yeah.. i.. I am right."

Although i probably won't agree, I'll just, like you said, agree to disagree. And keeping a journal is a really good idea. Thanks, once again.
   
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