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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Misslostintears Offline
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Exclamation My family banned me from being with my best friend, one of the few you care about me. HELP!!!! - July 6th 2011, 04:19 AM

Today I was at the mall with my best friend and her new boyfriend and some of his friends. I was just taking my sister who I owed a favor to, to Hot Topic for a necklace. We did not find the necklace so I told her to go back to where my mother was, she pulled my hair so I twisted my way out of her arms. I hurt her so she started crying and screaming. Se ran back to where my mom was and I told her that sometimes I wish she wasn't born. She ran to my mom crying. My mom looked at me and told me (these are the exact words but in english) I ban you from seeing your friend Cupcake (that's her nickname) because she has made you rebelious and has made you into an evil person. I ranned crying to cupcake.. I was actinf all happy for like 2 minutes and then I broked down sobbing and telling her what my mother said. She threaten to kill my mom. And asked if it was because she was emo. We went to the garage on the top and. I was sobbing really hard. Her boyfriend hugged me and hugged cupcake and we cried together. My mom then called me saying I had to go. I hugged cupcake and her boyfriend and walked to the stairs on the far side. I was about a bit away from where cupcake and her boyfriend were, I was thinking why the fuck is this happenin to me and to not look back. I looked back and when I did, I felt all the memories we had together rush to my eyes. And I started screaming and crying at the same time cupcake did. When I got down to where my mom and dad were they both at the same time banned me from ever going near cupcake.
But cupcake and I plan to move with a couple of other friends that have. Food nicknames too, to california in 3 years when I turn 18. We are also going to the mall with blueberry( aka vividdream) and maybe her boyfriend on Friday. But my parents don't know?
What should I do? What should we do? HELP!!
   
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Re: My family banned me from being with my best friend, one of the few you care about me. HELP!!!! - July 6th 2011, 09:14 AM

First, don't say "the few of you who care abot me" we ALL care, we just can't ALL help you.

I think threats to kill your mum are a bit OTT if i'm honest. Do you go to the same school? then your mum can't really stop you there but she does have every right to ban you outside of school if she believes she is a bad influence.

But maybe try talking with your mum. Tell her your sister pulled your hair, so you retaliated, and said someting really mean. And that is not Cupcake's fault, Cupcake didn't tell you to say that did she.

But she does sound a bit, tough with the whold mum killing comment. But that doesn't make her over all bad. Just try talking with your mum. And let us knwow how it works out.

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Re: My family banned me from being with my best friend, one of the few you care about me. HELP!!!! - July 6th 2011, 07:40 PM

Your sister was in the wrong for pulling your hair, but you were even more in the wrong for saying something so hurtful. Your mother may have seen your inappropriate reaction as one of MANY inappropriate reactions. Your parents may be seeing a pattern of behavior, and they can only reach two conclusions: you're acting this way "on your own", or you're acting this way because of other people's influences. Based on what your friend said (she'll kill your mom), it seems your friend IS having a negative influence on your behavior. Again, this is just one instance, so I can't say that with absolute certainty... but your parents are around you every day, so I imagine they are in a better position to make that judgement.

My advice is to calm down. Spend some time looking at your life and honestly asking yourself where this behavior is coming from. If you think your friend may be influencing you, then I'm afraid you can't make an argument in favor of your friend. Your parents would be well within their rights to ban you from seeing her. If you can't identify where these behaviors are coming from, you may want to sit down with your parents and have a calm discussion about how you can improve your behavior. Some things are probably just "typical teenage stuff" - you're SUPPOSED to rebel against your parents! It should only be to a certain extent, though. If things are getting out of hand, you need to seriously reconsider how you're going to make things right, both for your own sake and for your parents' sake.

I wish you all the best, and hope things can work out one way or the other!





   
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Re: My family banned me from being with my best friend, one of the few you care about me. HELP!!!! - July 12th 2011, 04:33 AM

Thanks to both.

Cupcake didn't tell me to tell my sister that. As a matter of facgt cupcake loves my sisters. I guess its actually my faul. Cause I feel like everyone and everything is against me. Cupcake and my other friends understand that. They been through the same things. I don't really want to talk to my parents because they have problems with themselves too. Cupcake just threaten to kill my mom because I'm practically one of the few people she has that she trusts. She's been through a lot and I guess that made her who she is. By the way she was rape when she was younger and every since then she has been cold towards others , except for the few she trusts. She didn't want me to go because I'm one of the few left who haven't died or tried to kill themselves (even though I have) she treasures the friendship we have because I keep her from going insane (even though I am) I brighten up her dark world and bring happiness at least that's what she tells me.
   
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Re: My family banned me from being with my best friend, one of the few you care about me. HELP!!!! - July 12th 2011, 08:23 AM

I'll take a different response than the others: I wouldn't bother talking with your mother. In this case, your sister and you were at fault but your parents have probably seen other situations where you were at fault and the behaviours exhibited were influenced by your friend Cupcake. I think if you were to present your case calmly, they would still refuse. You could keep some leniency if you didn't mention her and your behaviour become more positive but chances are your parents are always going to have a negative view on Cupcake, especially given she issued a death threat.

If you two go to the same school, then you can be together there. Although your parents did "ban" you, if they're not great with computers and you're careful enough, you could talk with her online. This would also mean you don't mention online conversations to your parents and sister.

I'm sure you can recognize that some of Cupcake's behaviours, particularly the death threat are not acceptable. It doesn't matter why she issued it. You can tell her this, it's up to you or just let it go. Try to not copy those behaviours because certain people won't take it very well and may start a physical fight.

Keep the friendship with Cupcake. It's natural and common teens are going to rebel against their parents as well as feel out of place because they're uncertain which routes of behaviours to take. The best strategy is to relax and take a seat.


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