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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rhapsody Offline
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why doesn't he want to know me? - March 12th 2009, 08:44 PM

Hi, i've posted a couple of times on the relationships... forum about this guy, Matt.

Basically, we met a couple of years ago when - unknown to me - he had a gf, who he ended up dumping to be with me. We went out for a few months and things were pretty good between us, but when I had to move away suddenly i broke up with him. He was really upset at the time and said he'd wait for me but I thought that would be unfair on him. not long after i left he got back together with his ex (the one he dumped to be with me) and they have been together ever since.

After a few months I wound up moving back in with my parents and found he was now living just round the corner from me. I texted him a few times and we met up once but he was always reluctant to speak to me, which at the time i took for 'he doesn't want to know me' but he later told me it was because of how much I had hurt him.

A little while ago I ran into a friend of his who told me I should text Matt becasue he would want to know how i was, but warned me that he was still with his gf. I had had a bit to drink so thought this would be a great idea. The next day i completely regretted it but, to my surprise, he texted me back asking how i was etc. We ended up agreeing to be friends but he said as his gf was still angry about him dumping her for me 2 years ago, she couldn't know, and if I ever saw him with her i would have to keep my distance; I felt a bit wierd about this and did try to persuade him to tell his gf - even suggesting that I talk to her, but I didn't exactly push it.He also kept saying she was very insecure and possesive in gener so I think I was scared that if she knew then she would make him choose between us.

We texted a lot over the next month or so and met up one time. I was so grateful to have him as a friend because I've got a bit of a bad reputation where i live and so find it difficult to make new friends, plus with my old mates going off to uni and all the crap I've been through recently, I've felt kinda lonely. Anyway, he was so nice to me and we had lots of fun. then one night he got a lot drunk and started texting me stuff, like remeniscing(sp?) about our old sex life; I'd had some of my girl friends round mine and was a bit tipsy, so i went along with it (this is the part where I feel REALLY guilty) but eventually I decided things had gone to far and texted him goodnight and turned my phone off.

A couple of days later he texted me saying we couldn't be friends anymore because he felt guilty and because he was always worried in case i texted or called him when he was with his gf. I texted him back asking him one last time if he would even consider asking her whether it would be ok - I mean, I didn't want to live in this guy's pocket, just to see him once in a while and to know i had a mate close by when i needed him. But he didn't even text back to that, so i got angry and text him one last time saying 'I will never ever text you again after this, I promise, but if I see you out with your gf then I won't keep my distance any more. It's not nice when someone you trusted won't do the tiniest little favour for you when you need them the most is it?' Ok, I'm aware that this was a little psycho-bitch, but I was sooo angry and upset at the time. He text me back straight away then, begging me not to say anything to his gf because apparantly that would 'ruin his life' I didn't text back because i had already promised i wouldn't, so he texted me again trying to bargin with me.

I've deleted his number, but I still have most of the texts he sent me saved on my phone.

I don't know what I'm doing now - I'm just so confused. I feel so alone and worthless atm and its just like this is the last straw. i don't want to be this spiteful bitch but I'm so angry at him. I feel like he's just using his gf as an excuse because he simply doesn't want to know me. He said he didn't believe any of the rumours that have been going around town about me over the 2 years (ish) so it must just be that I'm this really sh*tty person, right?
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Re: why doesn't he want to know me? - March 12th 2009, 10:25 PM

He has been going out with the girl he is with for 2 years. It takes a big commitment to last that long so he must be in love with the girl. Im sure he dosent want to lose her. Give him some space and text him from time to time and dont spent time with him alone becuase he will be running the risk that hell lose his GF. Where as if your with a group of friends then his GF can comfortable know who he is out with and know hes not going to get up to much.

Just give him some space and text him from time to time. But make sure you are sure you want him as a friend and nothing more.
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rhapsody Offline
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Re: why doesn't he want to know me? - March 12th 2009, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by Bongo View Post
Just give him some space and text him from time to time.
I can't really do that though as he told me not to text him. But then he later told me he would always be there for me if I needed him! I'm so confused
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Re: why doesn't he want to know me? - March 12th 2009, 10:46 PM


I know this must be hard, but do you really want a friend that will only be there for you some of the time? Do you want to have a friend that you need to hide? I don't think it's right to have a girlfriend and then hide something like this from her. Nor do I think it's right for him to expect you to be ok with staying hidden. I know you said you had a past in that town, but you're now 19. Eventually, you need to realize what you are and what you're not. I know rumors hurt, but if they aren't true, what do you have to worry about? Anyone who believes the rumors or judges you based on those, have no place in your life. I think you should try branching out and being a bit more social. I know he might be your only close friend right now, but things with him are very complicated. Try giving some space and in the meantime, try getting involved in your community.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
rhapsody Offline
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Re: why doesn't he want to know me? - March 12th 2009, 11:10 PM

hey SimplyComplex thanks for your advice. You're right and I know deep down that I don't need him as a friend, but almost everyone around my age in my town believes I'm psycho/bitch/whore/whatever I think I just tend to cling to anyone who's the slightest bit nice to me *blushes* And thanks to facebook, anyone who doesn't know the rumours already can be quickly updated grrr... But yes I'll keep trying to meet new people and make new friends. i just feel so worthless atm.
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