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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy PLEASE HELP ME - July 8th 2011, 09:15 PM

My friend has just told me her parents are getting a divorce. I've spent the last hour listening to her cry and she seems to be feeling a little better now. The things is I don't know how to deal with this.

She has been through a lot in the past few weeks. She is having massive fights with her friends at school and she has lost all faith in friendship. I am spending all my time convincing her I'm not going to leave her. I don't mind this but it's just too much to deal with. I don't know the right things I'm supposed to say. I'm just making it up on the spot and I'm terrified of saying the wrong thing to her, especially when she is so fragile.

Also I have never met her in real life. Please don't go on about the dangers of making friends online. We talk on the phone all the time and we have had web-cam chats. But I can't go and tell a teacher or her parents that she's so upset. It's literally, just me, by myself, and she doesn't want to talk to anyone else about it (Which I completely understand) but it means she is getting all her comfort from me, and I simply don't know what to do.

She isn't pushing me at all to talk to her, I just can't say no when she's crying and needs someone. I want to help so badly, I just want to know how to help her, like what to say.

She has become so dependant on me recently I just don't know what she will do if I have to go away for a few days. And to be honest this is causing me a lot of stress and I don't think I can deal with it by myself. Sometimes I just want some time to myself and I've started lying to her that I have something one when I want an hour without the stress of this. I know I'm sounding horrible right now but I just need a break

Don't get me wrong, I love her so much and I want to be friends. I just want some time to myself without feeling this guilty and awful inside.

===============================================

Added - She keeps saying how scared she is and how much she wants to kill herself. I really don't know how to help her! I am literally the only person comforting her and what happens if I say something wrong? Will she really kill herself? Can I give her advice on someone else to talk to who knows how to deal with this? Please help me!

===============================================

I guess my questions is how can I help her?
Please help?


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Last edited by BelieveInMiracles; July 9th 2011 at 04:23 PM.
   
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Re: Divorce. HELP NEEDED ASAP - July 8th 2011, 09:53 PM

I had a similar situation when my friends parents got a divorce. I just told my friend that I would be there for her and would help her through it as much as possible and let her know she could talk to me whenever she needed to. Maybe suggest she talks to a counsellor at school as-well. Let your friend know that you will be there for her and will always listen to her and will try to help through it as much as you possibly can.



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Re: Friends Parents Divorced (and problems with friend) Help? - July 11th 2011, 07:02 AM

I think it's great that you want to be there for your friend. You have to make sure YOU'RE okay (emotionally) as well, though, and you also need to realize your limits (both because of distance and because of your role as a friend vs. as a trusted adult or psychological professional).

I would suggest supporting her whenever she asks for it, but when she starts talking about hurting or killing herself, you need to stop the conversation and emphasize that she needs to tell someone she knows in person. That is both for your sake and for hers - you can't bear the responsibility of ensuring she won't hurt/kill herself, and she can't receive the support she needs if she's just talking to you.

Keep in mind that sometimes, "saying the right thing" isn't what's really important... simply "being there" and "lending an ear" is the best thing you can do for a friend.





   
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