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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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another child - July 15th 2011, 04:38 PM

so my dad and my step mom are having a kid im not fond of this i always been the yougest but not the point i honestly think their too old for one and well my dad is with someone other than my mom and making a new family and i dont want that i didnt even want a new mom i only wanted mine and now she comes in and gets pregnate and takes my dad away so she can have her baby and forget all about me it isnt fair i dont want some baby to interfere with my family it may sound selfish but no one ask how i feel about this but i feel betrayed i feel like he is betraying my mom and its not fair that i didnt get a say even if they didnt go by my opinon they couldve warned me that they were thinking about so i wiould warm up but i just dont want another child their in the 30's 40's so i in my opinon is too old ugh


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Re: another child - July 15th 2011, 05:20 PM

Hey there! First, I just thought I'd let you know that having a child in one's 30s or 40s isn't that uncommon. It probably seems strange to you, because your parents had you when they were in their teens or 20s... but many adults choose to wait for a variety of reasons. Of course, the pregnancy could have also been accidental... which means that your dad isn't TRYING to abandon you in favor of a new baby. He's just taking responsibility as a father, which is actually quite admirable.

Anyway, it may seem like I'm making excuses for your dad, but I'm not. I'm just trying to help you think about this situation in a different way. Because you're right - it sucks! Having to deal with a new sibling is always difficult, especially when it's a half-sibling. The best advice I can offer is to express your concerns to your dad and mom. Don't accuse your dad of abandoning the family, but DO state that you're worried he won't have enough time to be with you. He may have new responsibilities as a father, but you're a minor child as well... he should still make time for you, and having a new baby in NO WAY replaces you. It also couldn't hurt to talk to your mom, because she's probably feeling all sorts of emotions right now. She can probably relate to what you're going through, and talking about your feelings can help you two draw even closer together.





   
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Re: another child - July 15th 2011, 05:22 PM

I'm sorry but this is their life and their decision, you shouldn't have a say. Do you truly think that your dad will forget about you? I highly doubt he will, dads always see us as their babies no matter how old we get and that doesn't change by adding a new member. They want a baby together, it's the natural thing to want with someone you love after time. A baby conbines you because it's both of you and something you work together on. You are that something for both of your parents and that can't change. You should be excited in my opinion. You're almost an adult... this isn't how adults generally think.

You're parents aren't together for a reason, such reason doesn't need to be known because the facts are seen. You're mom and you will always be a part of his life because you both were his life for a long time. Be happy he's happy. You may understand some day and may be faced with the exact same situation.
   
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Re: another child - July 15th 2011, 05:22 PM

well my mom died when i was 11 and my step mom never talks to me i guess she got tired of me just shutting her out and i still miss my mom i miss her so much


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Re: another child - July 15th 2011, 05:29 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that. It's more understandable now. You're mom will always be a part of both of you though, just remember that. I think you should talk to your dad. It would be good to express your concerns, he may be able to help ease your mind. I'm sure he misses your mom too and it's painful. A baby is scary to have no matter the age.
   
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Re: another child - July 15th 2011, 05:35 PM

Well, not too long ago 30's and 40's was when most people had children. Do you know for sure they planned to have another baby? They're married, and they're still quite young, so it's expected they'd have sex. And sex can result in pregnancy. I'm sure they aren't having a baby so they can forget all about you. And even though babies take a lot of care, you're still part of their family. It's understandable that you'd miss your real mom, but I think you should try to let your step mom be part of your life. She will never replace her, but it could be nice to have another woman figure there for you. It sounds like she does care if she tried to talk to you, but it gets frustrating when someone shuts you out all the time so she might have just thought you needed time to adjust. You're also very close to being an adult, so you probably won't have to deal with the new baby for too long but I think little siblings can be fun! It wasn't really your decision for your dad to get remarried or fall in love, but he should have talked to you about it and asked how you felt. However, it's his life and although you are a huge part of it, you need to understand that everything doesn't revolve around you. Like I said, you're almost an adult, so you should realize that no matter how you act this baby is going to be part of your family and it would make it a lot easier on everyone (but mostly you) if you at least try. You should try getting closer to your step mom. I don't think some sort of family counseling or something would be a bad idea in preparation for the newborn.



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