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thepersona Offline
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This may seem a bit complex - July 16th 2011, 06:10 AM

Hello everyone,

This is my first post but this issue really cannot wait. I'd appreciate any help I can get. Here goes:

I've reviewed my life so far a million times now. Guess it's time to get some opinions.

I was born to a single mom as the youngest of seven girls. My father was my mom's second husband and I am their only child. Her first husband was abusive so she took all of my sisters and got a job on the other side of the country. As I was growing up, My mom started to earn much more and become more capable of feeding all of her children by herself. My dad wasn't exactly hands-on when it came to raising me. He would be there during weekends but he would always be more like a visitor than a patriarch. He became even more distant when my mom started having financial problems because of the economy. I was 9 when she told me that their marriage wasn't real because it turned out that he was already married to someone else with four other children. He retired from the navy shortly after that and realized that I knew. I hadn't seen him since. He always managed to make me feel bad about myself anyway.

It wasn't long until my mother landed an even bigger position at a construction company she once worked in- Vice President, financial comptroller. I already had two nephews and a niece by 2007-we all still lived under one roof. Suddenly, my mom met a much older man from the other side of the world via social network. In 2009, after spending two weeks together on a cruise, they decided to get married and after quitting her job, she moved in with him. I followed her the next year to continue my studies there. He's kind, quite a smart aleck but very intelligent, very rich, and he never laid a hand on me, but despite the fact that my mother doesn't really have to work like a dog again, he makes my blood boil with anything and everything he does. His 42-year-old daughter and his ex-wife would show up every now and then as well as her three children who have absolutely no manners. We put on a good show to keep things from being complicated. But it all adds to my frustrations. It's been a lot worse lately ever since I woke up to the sound of them having sex from the other end of the hall. I have no one to talk to. My mom believes we maintain the best friends status we had back home but she's so different now I barely recognize her. My sisters have their lives to live and they’ll end up telling my mom. My friends back home seemed to have moved on from me leaving and communication is quite hard now that they're twelve hours ahead. I can't blame them. It took me five years to know who my real friends really were and all of a sudden, I'm stuck here in a small island, studying in a school where everyone knows I'm smart yet they misunderstand me the way everyone does at first. It's too hard to start over. I have a few acquaintances but the cultural differences just prevent us from having any mutual interests. My mom is a bit overprotective especially in a country with a very high crime rate so I only ever go out when I'm with her. Eventually, I decided not to be too close to anyone because I'm going elsewhere to go to college after another two years.

I know it sounds crazy. I am EXTREMELY grateful that they found each other and I try to be nicer to him but there's really nowhere else to vent out how I feel. No one will understand. When we go to parties and people hear they're love story, they tell me how lucky I am. I tried talking to my mom but even after I broke down (which never really happens) she told me to snap out of it and even if she didn't I never want to bother her anymore with my drama because she has a very high cardiac risk. If I talked to a teacher or some other adult my mom would be offended because she obviously believes I'm over reacting. I thought it was just a phase and that the anger would just go away but it still hasn't. I would lock myself up in my room because going out only makes me feel so much worse. There are times where I have the urge to hurt him so I stopped watching TV altogether thinking it's because of all the crime shows I watch. I put on a face so they don't have to suspect anything. I don't want to disappoint or hurt anyone. This is killing me, I'm usually so much better than this, so much wiser, but now I have no advice to give myself. I am grateful but why do I feel this way? I really hate myself for feeling this way.

What is wrong with me? Please help me. Don't blame my mom. I owe my entire life to her. This is perhaps a speck of dust compared to the pain she's been through.

This is serious, guys. Try not to make fun of me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hopefully I could help out with your problems in the future.

Last edited by thepersona; July 16th 2011 at 06:16 AM. Reason: grammatical errors
   
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Avalon Offline
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Re: This may seem a bit complex - July 16th 2011, 12:54 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by thepersona View Post

I know it sounds crazy. I am EXTREMELY grateful that they found each other and I try to be nicer to him but there's really nowhere else to vent out how I feel. No one will understand. When we go to parties and people hear they're love story, they tell me how lucky I am. I tried talking to my mom but even after I broke down (which never really happens) she told me to snap out of it and even if she didn't I never want to bother her anymore with my drama because she has a very high cardiac risk. If I talked to a teacher or some other adult my mom would be offended because she obviously believes I'm over reacting. I thought it was just a phase and that the anger would just go away but it still hasn't. I would lock myself up in my room because going out only makes me feel so much worse. There are times where I have the urge to hurt him so I stopped watching TV altogether thinking it's because of all the crime shows I watch. I put on a face so they don't have to suspect anything. I don't want to disappoint or hurt anyone. This is killing me, I'm usually so much better than this, so much wiser, but now I have no advice to give myself. I am grateful but why do I feel this way? I really hate myself for feeling this way.

What is wrong with me? Please help me. Don't blame my mom. I owe my entire life to her. This is perhaps a speck of dust compared to the pain she's been through.

This is serious, guys. Try not to make fun of me. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Hopefully I could help out with your problems in the future.
Hi there,

I don't know why anyone would make fun of you.

It sounds very hard, a lot of moving and upheaval. And with your biological dad a lot of secrets and meanness and now more change and a new father who is kind of the reason that you had to leave all your friends and everything.

I don't think feeling so mad and like you want to kill him means that you will.

I am sorry for your mum and her pain, but it is not right for her to treat yours like it is nothing. All pain is pain. It sounds like she has made a lot of decisions in her love life that have changed your life. That is not easy even if you can see that it works for her.

Is there anything you like to do where you are?
   
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Re: This may seem a bit complex - July 16th 2011, 05:11 PM

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp!

I don't think your issue is too complex. =) Your mom has been in a few romantic relationships, and this is the first one that has turned out well. Unfortunately, in order to find the right guy, your mom had to move the entire family to another country - not just another state, but another COUNTRY! It's hard enough to adjust to a stepfather... now, you're being forced to adjust to a new culture as well.

It's important that you find an outlet of some sort, whether it be talking to someone or finding a hobby that can allow you to work through the negative emotions. I think you may be redirecting everything toward your stepfather because you have no where else to send those feelings. He's not really to blame for your current situation - he fell in love with your mother, and she chose to move in order to be with him. Your mother ultimately placed you in this situation... but it's hard to "blame" someone for falling in love and doing what they felt was best.

I don't know your mother like you know her, but she may be avoiding conversations with you because she KNOWS she's the one who placed you in this situation. She may fear that you will start blaming her for everything that has happened, both recently and in the past. By discounting your feelings, she can avoid further conflict. Unfortunately, that's just going to build up resentment on your end. I would seriously reconsider talking to your mother - and making it very clear that you just want an outlet for everything you're feeling. You're not looking to play the "blame game"... you just don't want to be alone in your struggles anymore. It's great that you're planning for the future, but college is two years away. You have to find a way to cope until then.

I wish you all the best. Feel free to keep us up-to-date on your situation! =)





   
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