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how can I get my dad to lossen up about me? - July 16th 2011, 05:19 PM

My fiance' says that my dad is a different person at work then he is in front of me. He basically likes to joke around a lot and everything. and This disappoints me because I never could be my true self in front of him. He had once said he was very upset at me because I once said I was "Bisexual" and to come to find out... He doesn't have anything against bisexuals! so anything he says is "trashy" isn't "trashy" until it comes to me. I am so sick of hiding my true identity from my dad. I never could let my true personality shine out to him like I can to my mom's side of the family. If I swore in front of him he would flip out and I never could joke around with him at all.My fiance' says he is himself in front of my dad and my dad doesn't judge him at all, but he will judge me! I hope my fiance' can help me out a little, but I don't know how that would work because I'm afraid he will get mad at him and call me upset like he has before after seeing my myspace page a few years back, when myspace was still popular. Its a wonder he hasn't saw my facebook page. Knowing him, he would find it soon because my aunt(his brother's wife) is on my friend's list and then he will get upset and "crying" again!!! I will flip out if that happens. I'm not five. Oh and to top it all off, my fiance' says me and my dad has a lot of similar personality traits. Can someone help me out?
   
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Re: how can I get my dad to lossen up about me? - July 17th 2011, 08:46 AM

Everyone judges everyone, your father does judge your fiance and vice-versa. The difference is whether the judgement is explicitly said. You say you hide your true identity from your father, so how can he know certain things about you if you don't tell him? I think he cares for you, otherwise, he would still say something is, "trashy" even when it applies to you. It's difficult for him to properly respond when you hide yourself and put on a false front, as he judges the false front. I cant bring myself to blame your father because you're putting up the false front then are upset when he judges that as it will be an incorrect judgement of your true self. Once you reveal your true self, it's clear your father understands his judgement was incorrect, so he changes it. I don't see a problem with your father, I see a problem with your relationship with him, not a problem with his relationship with you.

When you said, "but I don't know how that would work because I'm afraid he will get mad at him and call me upset like he has before", was "he" the fiance or your father?

I have to wonder though, if your fiance and father have very similar personality traits, do you put up a false front to your fiance as well?


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Re: how can I get my dad to lossen up about me? - July 17th 2011, 03:04 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
Everyone judges everyone, your father does judge your fiance and vice-versa. The difference is whether the judgement is explicitly said. You say you hide your true identity from your father, so how can he know certain things about you if you don't tell him? I think he cares for you, otherwise, he would still say something is, "trashy" even when it applies to you. It's difficult for him to properly respond when you hide yourself and put on a false front, as he judges the false front. I cant bring myself to blame your father because you're putting up the false front then are upset when he judges that as it will be an incorrect judgement of your true self. Once you reveal your true self, it's clear your father understands his judgement was incorrect, so he changes it. I don't see a problem with your father, I see a problem with your relationship with him, not a problem with his relationship with you.

When you said, "but I don't know how that would work because I'm afraid he will get mad at him and call me upset like he has before", was "he" the fiance or your father?

I have to wonder though, if your fiance and father have very similar personality traits, do you put up a false front to your fiance as well?
I don't put a false front in front my fiance' and i wasn't saying my fiance' and dad have similar personality traits, I am saying me and my dad have very similiar peronality traits.(as my fiance' says)

when i visit my dad I put a false front up, to be this "innocent" girl who is quiet and everything, but when I'm at home with my mom I act totally different. the things I put on myspace isn't a false front, at all.

Last edited by RandyOrtonFan4Life; July 17th 2011 at 03:09 PM.
   
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