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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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I'm not good enough yet again... - March 14th 2009, 04:38 AM

I'm in love with one of my best friends, this happened once before and I got hurt badly. So, I've been just kind of shying away from my best friend, but I finally told him today. We talked and I got upset with him, but we made up and went back to normal. I asked him to dance with me, I wanted to dance to Boy Like Girl's Hero/Heroin song because it showed how I felt for him, but he didn't like that song so he put on one of his. Then told me, "This is the song I danced to with my ex girlfriend." I got upset and started to cry. He started to play my guitar after a little because I was just sitting there crying. I finally started to talk to him again after taking my guitar from him. And he asked me why I was upset, I said do you really want to know. He said yes, so I blurted out that I'm in love with him, he said he knew that. Then told me...he couldn't date me, he likes me, but can't do it. He said he can't do long distance again because of his ex and is still in love with one of his exs. And now I don't want to have anything to do with him till I get better because I know if I stay around I will lose it on him and start fights. But I promised him I wouldn't leave over this just because I didn't get what I wanted doesn't mean I have to leave, but I know now I can't stay around right now since he did just break my heart. He hates my other best friend for doing it and yet he did the same thing. What do I do? I mean, one best friend says leave, but when I told him I couldn't he told me to show him what he's missing by not even trying, but I don't know how to do that.


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Mel Offline
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Re: I'm not good enough yet again... - March 14th 2009, 06:20 AM

It's definitely tough to be friends with someone who doesn't return the same feelings as you have. I've been through it a few times, so I do know that it's heartbreaking. As hard as it is, though, you just have to stand back and look at this situation.

Your friend said he does like you, so it's not that he doesn't care. Do you know what happened between him and his ex? Was it a messy end? Did he get hurt? Whatever it is, though it hurts, you have to try to accept that his reason for not choosing such a relationship again. Stopping the friendship or ignoring him to make him see what he's missing will only hurt both of you in the end.

My suggestion? Take some time to yourself to try to work on feeling better. Do stuff for yourself, hang out with other friends, but don't stop talking to him completely. Work on accepting his reasons for not wanting to be in a LDR (Long Distance Relationship), and try to keep in mind that he's not doing this to hurt you. He's being honest with you, which really takes someone big to do.

It's hard and may take a while, but you will feel better in time. You do deserve someone who will treat you well, someone who will fight for you, and someone who won't let you go not matter what. You will find them when the time is right; even if it's not him.

Take care.



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Re: I'm not good enough yet again... - March 14th 2009, 02:43 PM

Hi Jessie,

I do really think that your friend cares about you a lot. It sounds like he enjoys spending time with you, likes you, and is able to share things with you. That sounds like a strong friendship to me. I think that he might not want to break that friendship by starting a relationship. He probably values you too highly as a friend to go through what he went through with his ex.

I know this really hurts and you are feeling upset right now, but try to understand where he's coming from with this. You obviously mean a lot to him, and it sounds like he still means a lot to you.

I think what Mel said was really important in this situation- try to take some time to yourself. Give yourself some distance and have a little you time. Do something you like doing and get your mind off of your feelings for this guy. Stay in contact and stay friends, but try to keep your mind preoccupied with other, more positive things.

Stay strong.
Nat.


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