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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Misslostintears Offline
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Exclamation They expect so much - July 27th 2011, 05:20 AM

My parents always have expected so much from me. its gotten really annoying.
im the oldest of 3 girls. and we live in a 2 bedroom apartment. its 5 of us in total. and my mom is a disabled person, my father has cancer, and my sister (shes the youngest at the age of 7) broke her ankle. Apart from cleaning, taking care, and cooking for my family, now my parents expect me to work for the family. my dad's the only one that works so i can understand thta we need the money. but life just has gotten to hard.
my father has taken the money he makes and he has but things that we dont need, saying that we should get our own money. we cant and we need that money he make to pay the rent and other things.
now my mom wants me to find a job at least something small.
she also expects me to play sports, which i hate with my whole soul besides swimming and riding my bike. she also expects me to get my schoolwork done when i go back to school, find a boyfriend (she brags over how she had boys at her feet when she was my age, while nobody likes me like that) hang out with friends (she says im not popular enough.) and take care of everyone.
how am i suppost to do all this? not only do i deal with my own pain and depression and mental problems, but now i have to face with everyones' problems too. i swear i might as well just die. or try to kill myself again.
ive tried talking to them about how i needed to get some space and for them to not expect so much, but they wont listen

what should i do?


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PSY Offline
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Re: They expect so much - July 27th 2011, 08:38 PM

Wow, that's a tough situation! I'm sorry to hear about what your family is going through right now.

First things first, I would take the time to contact government aid programs in Connecticut. Your mom is probably already collecting a disability check of some sort, but there are agencies/organizations that can provide additional assistance to families in need. Unfortunately, you may not be able to find employment as a 14-year-old. You can, however, use that time to look up and call programs, versus filling out job applications and essentially wasting your time if no one is going to hire you due to your age.

You can also use that time to continue helping out the family in any way possible, and encouraging your younger sisters to do the same. I know it's hard to look past your own pain, but EVERYONE in your family is suffering right now. It may feel like your parents are placing all these burdens on you because you're the oldest, but honestly, I think they just want reassurance that you're there for them as a member of the family. My advice is to get your sisters together and talk about your parents' situation. Acknowledge that they're struggling, and it's up to the three of you to keep things together while they deal with medical and financial problems. All of you should make a list of things that need to be done daily, weekly, and monthly, then split up the tasks among yourself. Hold each other accountable, and share that list with your parents so they can keep all three of you accountable as well.

Your mom is probably going to keep encouraging you to join a sport, get a boyfriend, become more popular, etc. One reason is because she's experienced all of that, and she's assuming you will enjoy all of that as much as she did. Another reason is because she wants you to be happy - to have things outside of the family's problems. Basically, she wants you to help out when you're at home, but enjoy your teenage life when you're not at home. My suggestion is to think about what you're really interested in, then tell your mom and thank her for thinking about you despite everything that's going on. She may not be too happy about your decision to avoid sports, but deep down, she'll be happier knowing that YOU are happier.

I wish you and your family all the best. <3





   
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bailatyvm Offline
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Re: They expect so much - July 27th 2011, 09:23 PM

Yeah..wow, that's crazy. First off, you've been doing a wonderful job as it is, I can tell. Try explaining that sports aren't really your thing, especially if you also need to get a job. Perhaps try explaining that you need balance...and don't be afraid to ask for help, if you can find it in any way.
Good luck darling<3


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