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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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frvrartsy Offline
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Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 12:35 AM

Hi, i have an emotionally abusing mom and i'm not sure what to do or how to live with it. I've gone to my friends and they don't know how to give advice. For starters i should probably share what i live with: she yells ALL THE TIME, she has no respect for me or anyone else, she belittles me, she thinks she's some sort of scholar & uses words no one understands to make herself seem better than everyone, she indirectly insults me so that i can't say that she did, she's threatened to hit me or give me sever punishments for something that doesn't deserve it, she doesn't care about anyone else's feelings as long as she gets what she wants, if i let her know that i disagree with what she believes she makes it very clear that she will disown me if i follow through with it, she talks bad about the people i care about to me and tries to convince me to have the same view of them when they don't deserve it, she thinks she's always right, and i can't say anything to her without her twisting my words to sound like an insult to her or her yelling at me. Please help!
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Re: Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 01:44 AM

Your mom sounds like how my mom used to be. Unfortunately, the only advice I can offer is to lay low until you turn 18 and can legally move out of your home. Look for job opportunities, so you can set aside money for your own place. Set yourself up for independence, so you will no longer have to rely on your mom for support (and continue to deal with the emotional abuse).





   
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Re: Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 01:54 AM

Thanks for the advice! I will deff use that, but the only problem that my bf and i have realized that i'm going to have to fight, HARD, just to get out.... but maybe it'll be easier, like you said, if i have money. i think God's looking out for me by giving me 2 job opportunities
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Re: Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 03:57 AM

Congrats on the job opportunities! With this economy, it's a blessing to even have one job, let alone two. =) I wish you all the best in your endeavors.

Well, legally, your mom can't force you to stay. Of course, she can make things more difficult for you by delaying or interfering with your departure from her house. My mom was actually out of town on my 18th birthday, so I planned everything out with my dad. I packed everything I cared about, loaded it up into my dad's car, and left that very day. I also opened up my own bank account (it was originally a joint account with my mom) and transferred my money. Basically, I ensured she couldn't retaliate against me. All she could do was yell at me over the phone. Even then, I had the power to hang up on her if she became too abusive, or I could use caller ID to screen her out altogether.

I don't know your mom... but if it's any comfort to you, my relationship actually improved significantly after I moved out. I mean, we didn't talk to each other for about a year (just for holidays and birthdays), but we slowly started seeing each other again after that... 3-4 times per year for a few hours at a time. Now, four years later, I'm at a point where I actually WANT to see my mom once per month. Granted, we usually go to a bar, and I'm sure the alcohol helps us both loosen up... xD But we're working on our relationship.





   
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Re: Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 04:09 PM

Robin always gives amazing advice
I would just like to add by saying, if your mom is making threats, then she is definitely abusing you and breaking the law. My advice is to you is to record everything she says to you. Time, date, thing that was said, etc. Also, get a recorder. If you ever need to go to the police, you'll have evidence. I highly encourage you to go to the police if you feel you're safety is threatened.

Take care, and good luck on your job opportunities


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frvrartsy Offline
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Re: Emotionally abused - July 28th 2011, 07:32 PM

Thanks guys! I have a bank account but it's jointed with my Dad till i'm 18 (next summer thankfully). My bf has been my rock through everything and i know that him and his family will always be there to help. I plan on finishing my senior yr and going to a culinary school (only 1 yr. lol) before i attempt to move out. Right now i'm working to get my learners to help me have a little more freedom in my house since my family keeps me VERY sheltered. My main problem right now is not only keeping my sanity in my house, but also not letting my Mom's words and actions get to me. She makes me feel very small, wrong, and that my feelings mean nothing and that i can't think for myself or get my mind around what i really want. In a nut shell i have a very big mindset that i don't matter at all. My self esteem is very low. and to top it all off i have to be the person they want me to be and say what they want me to say. i don't know who i really am, but i know what they want me to be is not it. how do i find out who i am?

lol i love the recording idea, but i'd be too afraid to use it
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