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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Really bad fight with my mom... - August 3rd 2011, 02:35 PM

Hello, my names Sherry and i'm 16 years old.
Now I know everybody has fights with their parents as a teenager and my story is no different, but that doesn't take away from the hurt it brings when my mom and myself fight. I'm coming here because to be frank I don't know where else to go... I'm just looking for advise.
This morning my mom and I were driving in the car on the way home when we start talking about how drunk my father was last night. (He's an alcoholic)
I mentioned that I was very embarresed because my friend had been over that night and he made an ass out of himself. That's when my mom starting getting angry at me. This is what confuses me, because she usually talks about him all day long to me (Which is annoying at times) and I never say anything about it. Lately though they have been getting "closer" I guess you could say. Mostly because they are smoking weed again and it brings them "closer?" Bleck.
So then I tell her that I get annoyed at how much weed they smoke because its affecting our everyday lives. My mom forgets everything shes supposed to do now days, and I have to pick up the slack. I already have a lot to do with work and school and house chores, and its getting hard to juggle her part too. Usually she'll go to work (she only works half a day as a house keeper), come home, smoke. Do something for five minutes, smoke again. It's like every other minute they are smoking weed again. I'm not exaggerating. I know it's none of my business what they do, but when it starts to effect my life more than I can handle then it becomes my business.
Now don't get me wrong I'm not somebody who judges what they do, so don't think i'm saying "smoking weed is wrong" Because i'm not. I'm saying smoking so much of it you forget to do daily tasks we NEED to do, is wrong.
I told her they are acting like teenagers, because they are. They are acting like rebel teenagers who smoke weed and are lazy. I think it's quite funny because I have never smoked weed, drank, smoked ciggerates, and my grades are good. It's like the roles are reversed.
I'm getting really tired of not having PARENTS. I need parents, responsible ones, who can help raise me. I love my mom to death.. but she flips out for no reason either. I told her that she forgets everything now and my dad and her are always high, and she got really mad. She started screaming at me how she does everything for me and I'm not greateful for them. Then we get home and she starts screaming again and saying really hurtful things... now usually I don't cry because i'm used to her behaving like a teenager when she fights, she goes for low blows and throws a fit (she fractured her leg last week cleaning a house because she threw a temper tamtrum) But this morning the things she said really got to me. Hence why i'm here.

She was saying things like she hates me, and she never loved me, and I'm a huge bitch and i'm stupid blah blah blah. But the things that hurt me the most are when she said she should have never had me, and she never loved me. Because the look on her face when she said them... it looked like she really meant them. She kept saying it over and over matter a factly.. I let her cool off for about an hour and went to my room hoping she would calm down and we could talk about it.. but when I tried she was screaming at me some more and telling me to get away from her. She kept saying she hates me still.. And to be honest I think she really does. That burns because she's the most important thing in my life. I GUESS I was wrong for pointing out the truth?
But not only is their smoking so much weed effecting everyday life, but she sleeps all the time too now. It's starting to scare me.. she's sleeping her life away.

I don't know what to do guys, i'm just 16 years old and I have no siblings, so theres no way I can move out for two more years.. I can stay at my friends tonight but I can't stay there forever.. I just need some advise.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

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Re: Really bad fight with my mom... - August 3rd 2011, 04:43 PM

Hello, Sherry. Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

I'm sorry to hear about what's going on with your parents. No, you weren't wrong for pointing out how neglectful your parents have become. It's the truth, and they need to hear the truth. Unfortunately, it's obvious that they don't want to accept the truth. No parent wants to admit that they are a "bad" parent. They want their child to love and admire them. Well, right now, they aren't doing a whole lot to earn your respect, and in order to earn that respect back, they'll have to get off their butts and be "good" parents again.

I have two options for you to consider. You could wait for them to become "good" parents again, and hope it's sooner vs. later. When they're not smoking weed, you could say encouraging things like, "I feel like we're closer when you're not smoking weed. This feels good. I hope we can have more times like this." By wording things in a certain way, you can tell your mom you disapprove of the constant smoking, but in a way that encourages good behavior vs. bad behavior. Your mom is less likely to become upset if you give her compliments vs. tell her she's not being a "good" parent.

Another option would be to contact CPS (Child Protective Services) and explain your situation to a social worker. If your parents aren't meeting your needs, then they are guilty of child neglect. A social worker could come by (unannounced), inspect your home (she'd probably find the drugs, and your parents may even be high at the time), and make a report. From there, a few things could happen. You could be temporarily removed from the home (and live with someone you know or in a foster home) until your parents clean up their act. You could continue to live in your home, but be subject to regular, unannounced inspections. The assumption would be that your parents would work toward getting clean, and if there wasn't any progress, you would be removed from their home at that point. Your parents could be required to attend NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meetings, and you could all be required to attend family therapy (to work through why your parents resort to unhealthy ways of coping with their problems).

I wish you all the best. <3 Take care, and feel free to keep us up to date!

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