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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Mackayla
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Unhappy Less of a Family - August 8th 2011, 04:55 AM

Allow me to start off by saying that, I have a huge trust problem, and that's it's my own fault for it, so, coming out with this is a little tough on me, since I usually depend on myself for things like this, but it's out of hand. I hate to sound like a whiny girl, but, this is just breaking me down to the point where I'm in tears and want to walk out the door.

Unfortunately, my whole family is just a combination of fighting, lies, slander, hatred, and secrets. My two siblings, have relationships with the two relatives that fight the most, so it's only common to see them fight so hard all the time, or at least I'd think so. I have an older sister, who is always with my grandmother, and a younger brother who is with my mom, so, they wouldn't do anything in the world to hurt them, they wouldn't dare keep a secret from them. But me, being stuck in the middle. I'm the target of the lies, and the hatred. And I dont have a dad to turn to, as it probably should be.
I dont mean they hate me, but I am often lied to and turned against the other.
About 4 or 3 years ago, I was put in a shelter with my mom, and siblings, due to domestic violence that occurred between my grandparents and mother, where we had been living in my grandparents' house, our whole lives. But after a while, we got back in touch with my grandparents.
After a while we moved into a house that wasn't very far from them, so, all would be well, I thought.
It's been about two years since we've been in this house, and everything is falling apart so quickly to me.
My mom's a liar, who usually spends money on no one, but herself, and my little brother, and is always lying to my grandmother.
My grandmother likes to give my sister and myself the stuff my mother never would, then to turn us against her.
But recently:
My grandmother bought me school clothes, and then went on about how trashy my mother was, and how -I- (JUST ME!) couldn't tell my mom that she had them. My mom can barely pay the rent for the apartment we're living in, and is just a cashier at Target.
My mom, is 36, and she's dating a boy I haven't seen since I was about 4, yeah, shouldn't be a problem, but, at that time, the boy was about 13/14 and my mom was in her 20's. She demands that I not tell my grandmother about it. But unfortunately, tonight, my grandmother found out, and it wasn't from me either, my mom posts EVERYTHING on her face, and it's her diary. And my grandmother is telling me not to tell my mom she knows.
To top everything off:
Recently, I had surgery on my appendix, and I found out something I wasn't supposed to.
I LITERALLY found out through facebook that I had cancer cells, at first I thought it was nothing, but recently at one of my mom's friend's kid's birthday parties, I asked about them. And all my mother simply said to me was:
"Yeah, you would've had full-blown cancer in about six months."
And then later on I find out she didn't even plan on telling me.
I have to stand around all day, and fake a smile to all of them, just for my own sake, sorry to sound selfish, but I love them, dearly, and it just breaks me to just be here now....

And, because of how much I lie, to keep my family from loathing me, I have developed a trusting problem with the other kids/teenagers that surround me. So I have no one to run to for advice anymore, I have gotten extremely lonely and very judgemental, and I just dont know what to do about it.

I'm sorry for the long rant, the long story, and just everything in general.
I'm starting to feel hopeless, and this was just my last resort.
   
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Re: Less of a Family - August 8th 2011, 11:53 AM

dont worry... we're all always ready to listen to you and help you out. I've read the whole thing, and im sorry that you've been in the middle of every bad thing that ever happens. I think you should just let go and tell the closest people around you about how you feel. i know its too much.

and its not funny... go to a hospital right away. cancer is something that needs to be cured asap. i want you to have a happy bright future .. and never forget that you deserve to be happy.

i'll just say this... we're ready to listen, we are ready to help . at any time!
   
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Re: Less of a Family - August 8th 2011, 05:44 PM

I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this. To me, it doesn't seem fair at all. You're only 14, so you can't get a job or move out. And I don't see you being able to change your family. So, my last suggestion is learning how to cope until you're old enough to make some changes that benefit you. What I think could potentially help would be to spend as much time as you can outside of the house. The more time you spend in the house, the more you drive yourself crazy, and the more miserable you become. Hang out with friends, go to a park, take pictures, babysit for people, etc. I know you say you have trust issues, but you should find a healthy outlet for your emotions. I really think that could help you.Whether that be venting to a friend, a school guidance counselor, blogs on TH, threads, journals, etc. You need to find a way to let things out because things have a funny way of festering up inside of you, and release in a negative way.

As far as your grandma goes. I would talk to her, and tell her that you don't like when she trash talks your mom like that. Tell her that you don't want to be apart of the drama and to please keep it to herself. Also, when your family members try to pin you against someone else, don't take part. It's unnecessary drama for you. And is only going to cause you pain. Besides, you shouldn't have to choose. Especially if it doesn't concern you. You know? Just try your best to cope with everything in the most healthy way possible. Also, don't get involved in the drama. Take care!


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Re: Less of a Family - August 9th 2011, 05:53 PM

I completely agree with Lyndsee's (Amoroso's) suggestions. =) I just wanted to add my two cents regarding the cancer cells. Have you ever heard the phrases, "What they don't know won't hurt them" and "Ignorance is bliss"? Well, this is a good example of how people may withhold information from other people in order to protect them. Yes, cancer is a scary thing, but the doctors removed the area that was infected. If they had suspected the cancer was spreading, they would have brought you in for additional tests. Since they didn't do that, we can probably assume that the threat of cancer is gone, and your mom felt it would do you more harm than good to learn that you had been at risk for something as serious as cancer. If you are still worried about the cancer cells, though, why not call your family doctor and schedule a follow-up appointment?





   
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Re: Less of a Family - August 9th 2011, 07:11 PM

Well, the thing about the cancer is I did and do have an appointment this upcoming Friday for additional testing. So we're not sure about how that will unfold. But I already know about things like this and if I do end up with it, I cant really let it define me.
But, it really bothers me because, when they fight/argue/etc the whole, 'getting up, going for walk,' cant work for me yet, because I'm still recovering from the surgery.

I've also already tried to tell my grandmother to stop talking about my mom around me and TO me, but then she turns it on me, and I dont have the heart to walk away because I'm usually over her house because it's just where I used to live before we had all the problems.
   
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Re: Less of a Family - August 9th 2011, 08:40 PM

= ( i just pray that all gets better. i respect you.. you're so strong to make it through all this. Keep in mind that you can change things for the better.. and that doesnt just apply to yourself but to a lot of people around you as well . = )
   
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