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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
dipka Offline
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Question "Mum and Dad" - August 8th 2011, 09:59 PM

Im currently staying/visiting at my dad's house. He is in a different country to where I live with just my mum. My step mum, step sister and half brother also live with my dad.
Step siter is currently away, so it's just the 4 of us. Me and brother (it's easyer to type than half brother all the time) were going outside at the same time and he casually says somit like. "where are mummy and daddy?" obvesly aimed at me. What he said sounded wrong but I repied with a "dunno, go look round the back?"
He wanderd off and I was left 'alone', I stoped and thaught for a moment, I realised that:
IV seen MANY (far too many if u ask me) ppl, -as in ppl that are menna help me sort problems out, but NEVER EVER have I heard the phrase "mum and dad" or "dad and mum". My parents divorced when I was 3 month's old. So to me they have never been together, it's allways been "mum" or "dad".

This got me thinking further, to things like:
what were they like together?
Why did they divorce?
What would my life have been like if thay were still together now?
could they (even now) ever get together again?
Now Im not stupid-they bought up some CRAZY (and I mean crazy) idea's into my head that would never ever happen, but it's really hit me hard, Just an casual question by my innocent brother who's allways had the perfect life in rural Wales, but it's really affected me, hit me hard.
How do I deal with this?


You have just read Dipka's forum post. Dipka is a HelpLINK mentor who is allays happy to help, please just let me know. Also, check out my profile for more about me
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IMPORTANT!! When replying partiqually if I started the tread please can people read
the following thread
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f122-...ngs-propperly/

In that thread poast 6 clearly state's what coulors I can see best so please can you use these if possible so I can read your reply.


Some of my favourite quotations
*what does not destroy you as a warrior makes you stronger
*the tree that is slowest to grow bears the sweetest fruit
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*The warrior who has the ability to move mountains begins by carrying small stones

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: "Mum and Dad" - August 8th 2011, 11:11 PM

Could you try asking one of your parents about the divorce? Of course, it's possible that they may not want to talk about it, but you can always try. Just explain that you're curious.
Often people wonder about how their lives could have been if something had happened differently, and I'm sorry if it's upsetting you. But remember, no one really has a perfect life. Even if they were together, there may have been a lot of arguing. Also you might not have go to meet your step families.
As for 'Could they ever get back together?' it's not impossible, only they really know that. But try and think of the good parts about either situation.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: "Mum and Dad" - August 8th 2011, 11:32 PM

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this. I agree with the above poster. Why not ask your parents all the questions you have in mind? There is no harm in doing so. If they don't want to talk about the divorce, then ask a close relative or a mutual family friend. Talking through things and about things really do help. Another thing is to write about it. I know that writing your feelings can help. And don't be afraid to talk to a friend or a trusted adult about it. Don't let it bottle up inside. Take care <3


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: "Mum and Dad" - August 9th 2011, 06:07 PM

I think these questions are inevitable when your parents are divorced. It doesn't matter if it happens when you're 3 or 23... children want to know the answers to these questions.

Personally, I want to advise you against thinking about the "what ifs". Easier said than done, but you will drive yourself CRAZY if you try to imagine what life would have been like if your parents had stayed together. It distracts you from the reality of your situation, and it can create a great deal of resentment toward your parents. It can also leave you convinced that "life sucks" now that your parents have divorced, and it's important to recognize that life may have actually been WORSE if your parents had stayed together. Unfortunately, most people tend to focus on the positive "what ifs" instead of the negative (and often more realistic) "what ifs".

If you want to know why your parents split up, I would suggest asking your parents one-on-one, because they may be more likely to brush off your question if you ask when their new spouses or stepchildren are around. Take everything with a grain of salt - some parents will leave out important points, or they will flat-out lie in order to make the other parent look bad.





   
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dipka Offline
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August 9th 2011, 07:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by SnapCracklePop View Post
. Even if they were together, there may have been a lot of arguing. Also you might not have go to meet your step families.
As for 'Could they ever get back together?' it's not impossible, only they really know that. But try and think of the good parts about either situation.

Hey, thank's for the replies both of you! much apriciated.
But thay are not togehter, and thay is still LOADS of arguing. I lived (mostly) with my mum and granny. Granny was very abusive to the both of us the only time any of the three of us spoke to each other was in a argument.
At the time I knew none of this but now I know that three years ago granny got a terminall illness, I had to care for her all that time beliving that theire was 'nothing wrong' with her and she was just 'feeling lazy and wanting to abuse me further' She died with me knowing this yet since then Iv worked it out.
The past 2 years Iv wanted to go into a care home, about 3 months ago I finally let this fact out, but im not allowed to. My social workers still deciding Im a waste of time over it. (yes I hate her)
Anyway, sorry that's a little off topic but the point is that my mental helth nurse (i assume shes called that-as I would know anything?) has decided that I should live with my dad and family, I have at least a year before anything would change (i cant live in one country and go school in another one!) I just cant imagine living with dad. HE is really horable about mum and I worry enough about her when Im away a week, permatly is a horrable thought.
But I also know that I cant cope with living with mum all the time anymore.
Maybe though now I should go and find a more appropiate place to poast this though


Quote:
Originally Posted by PSY View Post
some parents will leave out important points, or they will flat-out lie in order to make the other parent look bad.
That's already happend PSY, I have two compltely different stories from both parents and no way of knowing the truth. I also got a different story again from granny, and of course I have my own memmories too. I have no idea what to belive.

Im still struggling to get over the fact that suddenly it's affecting me so much, it never has untill now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by dipka View Post

Maybe though now I should go and find a more appropiate place to poast this though

I greatly appolagies for sorta spamming this thread now, but I cant find a more appropiate place to ask about that seccond thing so I guess it had better stay in here, unless a mod or other staff member can advise me further?


You have just read Dipka's forum post. Dipka is a HelpLINK mentor who is allays happy to help, please just let me know. Also, check out my profile for more about me
Dipka x


IMPORTANT!! When replying partiqually if I started the tread please can people read
the following thread
http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f122-...ngs-propperly/

In that thread poast 6 clearly state's what coulors I can see best so please can you use these if possible so I can read your reply.


Some of my favourite quotations
*what does not destroy you as a warrior makes you stronger
*the tree that is slowest to grow bears the sweetest fruit
*when the sky is at it's darkest is when you can see the stars
*Ancient stone cannot be polished without friction, nor a warrior perfected without trials
*The warrior who has the ability to move mountains begins by carrying small stones

Help-link Mentor 29/6/11

Last edited by SparklingWine; August 9th 2011 at 08:08 PM. Reason: Merging multiple posts
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
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Re: "Mum and Dad" - August 10th 2011, 07:18 PM

Feel free to ask whatever questions you'd like, Dipka! =) You're not "spamming" the Friends and Family forum.





   
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