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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Being Treated Like a Child?! - August 14th 2011, 06:07 PM



Just a warning, this is a long one... If you're not a big reader, you might want to back away now! Lols!

Mmmmkay. So, I'm 21 and I still live at home with my parents.

I do so because I don't make enough money to live on my own, despite working 56 hours a week. I'm also going to school full time. I pay all of my own bills, as well as rent. I also am currently paying off a student loan...

Problem is, my parents insist on treating me like a child. They go through my things and take what they want. They nag me about coming home on time in the mornings, nag me about doing my homework at night, nag me about playing on the computer, nag me about my room being messy.

For example, I got tired of hearing that I had too much stuff in my room, making it look cluttered. I didn't see why it mattered, but to be complacent, I went and got some boxes and started packing my stuff away to be put into a storage unit (on my own dime). My mother came in and told me that she needed a box to ship some things to my brother, so I gave her two small boxes. A day later she came in while I was sleeping and took one of the bigger boxes. It's not a big deal, it's just a box, but how rude!

So today, she came in to my room and announced that my car was a mess, so she took everything out of it and threw away what she believed was trash. I've asked her before not to go in to my car. It's in my name, I pay the bill, IT'S MINE. I haven't been out to look yet, but I'm sure something I needed is missing. Instead of starting an argument, I told her that I didn't like her going in my car, but I appreciated that she cleaned it for me, and thanked her politely.

So, just now I'm laying on my bed on the computer and she comes in, takes a look around the room, and announces that if I don't have it clean in an hour my father is going to come in and throw away everything that's on the floor. I'm in the middle of packing. My room is a mess. It's MY ROOM. Yes, it's in their house, but I pay rent! I pay A LOT of rent. I pay almost $500 a month in rent. What right does she have to threaten to throw my stuff away!

I'm so tired of this. I only have a year of collage left, but I don't know if I can take another year of this crap.

A few days ago, she called me 5 times on my way home because I was "late" and she wanted to know where I was. I work the graveyard shift, from 11 pm to 7 am, but I work 45 minutes away from where I live. At 8:15, I'm considered "late", even if I ended up being late getting out of work, or if the traffic is really bad.

*Sigh*

I just don't know how to convince her that I'm an adult...

   
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Re: Being Treated Like a Child?! - August 14th 2011, 09:35 PM

You pay $500 in rent each month? DANG! Well, with that kind of money, I'm betting you could find a room to share with another college student. Five of my friends split a two-bedroom apartment, and they ended up paying about $400 for rent and utilities. Sure, it's not ideal (not having your own room + getting used to being around strangers), but it's something you might want to consider... or at least consider holding over your parents' heads. I mean, yes, it's their house, and the "our house, our rules" argument COULD apply... but in my opinion, once you start paying rent, there should be a little more leeway in what goes on under their roof. You benefit from staying in your parents' home, and they benefit from your paying rent. They could kick you out of their house, but it's unlikely that they would find someone else willing to pay $500 to live in your bedroom.

I would sit down with both of them at your earliest convenience and discuss all the things that have been bothering you. The major complaint on their end seems to be your "mess", so work out an agreement. You work 50+ hours per week, so it's hard to find time to sit down and clean everything up in one sitting; however, you'll agree to spend half an hour each day on your room. Your car is technically not part of their house, however, so I don't feel you should be forced to clean that if you don't want to.

As for being "late" when you get caught in traffic... you could try a few things. You could have a text message ready to send at 7:30, if you are on the road and KNOW you're not going to be home by 7:45. That way, she won't feel the need to call you five times while you're driving. You could also give her more generous times. For example, I ALWAYS add an extra hour onto commute times when talking to my dad. IDEALLY, I should be able to make the drive from Los Angeles to his home in two hours... but that would be the best-case scenario. Instead, I take the worst-case scenario into account, and say it'll take three hours. That way, if I'm delayed by 10 minutes when leaving a friend's house, or if there's an accident and I'm stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 30 minutes, I'll still arrive "on time" in my dad's eyes. Finally, you could sit down with your mom and ask her to avoid calling you until 8:45. She may be calling you because she's worried that you've been hit by a car, or something bad happened to you during your work shift. The police won't look for a missing person until 24 hours have passed, so your mom shouldn't panic and start calling you until you're an hour late, vs. 30 minutes late.





   
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