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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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Attitude problems. - August 27th 2011, 12:35 PM

I've come to the conclusion that my mom's right: I have some serious attitude problems.

I lose control very, very easily. I go from being extremely happy to frightfully angry to dreadfully miserable.

Case in point: This Wednesday, after not eating lunch with one friend after we'd planned to just because I didn't feel like it, I walked around with my friends Savannah, Micah, and Hannah.

Hannah was asking me whether my ex had talked to me. No one knows that me and my ex even dated, except for Hannah, my ex, and me. She was trying to whisper about it, because she knew I was still upset and ashamed about it.

And I don't know what happened. I simply lost control and slapped her. I caught myself soon enough for it not to hurt her, but I still stunned myself, and her. It was like I'd completely lost control of myself.

I've cried myself to sleep the last two nights, because of this and other things that are going on in my life. I feel very trapped right now, like my future is in the control of everyone who is older than me.

I complain, a lot. I rant, a lot. And I cussed at a person for the first time in my life last week. Regardless of whether that particular person deserved it or not, I still look back on it and feel very immature.

Disappointment is very, very present in my life right now. I want to do things, and to be happier and more in contol of myself, but I can't. In the past month, I've lost my boyfriend and two of my very best friends in the entire world -- all three of whom I loved dearly. I'm terribly upset about my ex, and it hurts me -- because I know that I shouldn't have ignored him. For any reason. And that I should have talked to him about things I was having problems with.

Too late, now. I apologized, but he's happier with the other girl, and quite frankly, I don't blame him.



I can't describe it. I feel like everything and everyone is against me -- except for Savannah, who's become my best friend. I hate visiting family even more than usual. I go to school, come home, lay down, and go to sleep, then get up and go to school again.

Everything feels so much like everything else that I feel like I'm walking through a fog, most of the time. I'm unable to trust most people. I feel like I'm a pretender. Everyone thinks I'm a good person, but I'm not.

When I don't want to be around people anymore, or get tired of talking to them, I drop them without explanation, ignore them, and just go about my life without including them. I know that it hurt my ex, and I know it's probably still hurting Carter and Ashley -- the two friends who I just... Stopped talking to.




Last year, when I realized that I had an attitude problem, I secluded myself from everyone for about a month. I went straight to class in the mornings, didn't talk when I went into my classes, and at lunch I didn't eat, but instead went to a quiet corner wherever I could find one to read. I didn't talk to anyone. And if I did, it was a simple 'hi,' or something about the work we were doing, if it was a group project or something we were working on. My best friend, Ashley -- the one I just suddenly stopped talking to -- was the one that got me out of that.

I don't want to go through it again.

Could someone please help me before I drive off even more people that are close to me?


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Attitude problems. - August 27th 2011, 07:32 PM

You know, I've been there. My situation is that I had a group of three friends that sucked me in and controlled me. I fought with one of the friends a lot and became clinically depressed during that period. Anyway, during that time, I was an absolute jerk to my parents, complained all of the time, had constant drama in my life, I felt suicidal sometimes, I hated being around family, I always wanted to be around those three friends and put everyone else on the second shelf under them. Is it important that I note that I'm a guy and the three friends were females? That's the case.

Anyway, now to my advice. It definitely sounds like you have some anger issues, to be blunt about it. It might be a good idea to go see a therapist about it. That might sound uncomfortable, but it's honestly helped me a whole lot. I'm more open to friendship, more pleasant to be around, and have a better relationship with my parents. Just give it a shot and if you don't like it, don't go back.
   
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Re: Attitude problems. - August 28th 2011, 08:44 AM

For a kid in junior high-school who cussed the first time last week and hasn't done anything particularly bad or harmful, I'd say that's pretty damn good. I don't consider you slapping your friend as being "frightfully angry". Instead, the largest issue I see is that you're pressuring yourself too much. For example, you cried 2 nights after slapping your friend, which to me suggests you pressure yourself to be the best person you can be but whenever you slip up, you punish yourself and think poorly of yourself. Also, once you acknowledged you had "attitude problems", you briefly secluded yourself from social interactions.

Another issue, or perhaps a consequence of over pressuring yourself, is you're easily saddened.

As I said above, for the average junior high-school kid, you have excellent behaviour. To compare with myself, in junior high-school I did several crimes, minor ones being theft and assault. I got arrested a few times, never convicted though. When I got angry, it wouldn't be a single slap, it would be a path of destruction, I'd only stop once I was too tired or I was restrained for at least 15 minutes. I sent several people to the hospital, a few had to have surgery, 1 of which still has a scarred up face (although that was a fight that had been building up between him and I for a few academic years, it just so happened a cement walkway was there).

I never felt sad, dissapointed or similar feelings after swearing or hitting someone. Personally, I don't understand how or why you feel sad for a single slap.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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Re: Attitude problems. - August 28th 2011, 03:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
For a kid in junior high-school who cussed the first time last week and hasn't done anything particularly bad or harmful, I'd say that's pretty damn good. I don't consider you slapping your friend as being "frightfully angry". Instead, the largest issue I see is that you're pressuring yourself too much. For example, you cried 2 nights after slapping your friend, which to me suggests you pressure yourself to be the best person you can be but whenever you slip up, you punish yourself and think poorly of yourself. Also, once you acknowledged you had "attitude problems", you briefly secluded yourself from social interactions.

Another issue, or perhaps a consequence of over pressuring yourself, is you're easily saddened.

As I said above, for the average junior high-school kid, you have excellent behaviour. To compare with myself, in junior high-school I did several crimes, minor ones being theft and assault. I got arrested a few times, never convicted though. When I got angry, it wouldn't be a single slap, it would be a path of destruction, I'd only stop once I was too tired or I was restrained for at least 15 minutes. I sent several people to the hospital, a few had to have surgery, 1 of which still has a scarred up face (although that was a fight that had been building up between him and I for a few academic years, it just so happened a cement walkway was there).

I never felt sad, dissapointed or similar feelings after swearing or hitting someone. Personally, I don't understand how or why you feel sad for a single slap.
I'm actually a sophomore in high school.

And I'm upset about this because I've been friends with her for six years. And my mom tells me a lot that I have an attitude problem; we've been getting along quite well, but she still nags at me a lot for complaining and quarreling and being lazy.

But you're right. I've never really hurt anyone. Thanks; you really helped me feel better about myself over this whole thing.


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: Attitude problems. - August 30th 2011, 03:54 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eldora View Post
And I'm upset about this because I've been friends with her for six years.
Friends, even best friends get into fights and arguments. One of the differences between 2 strangers and 2 friends/best friends is after a fight, the latter can forgive themselves and each other. For example, one of my best friends and I had a rather nasty fight. I ended up kicking him in the chest causing him to fly through one of the doors at his house. His younger brother was part of the issue and he got involved, which led to him being hospitalized for a few days. At a later event not related to the above situation, the same best friend and I were sword-fighting with colouring markers and used ping-pong paddles as shields (I forget why exactly we did it). Anyway, his marker got broken after I hit it with my paddle, leaving a sharp jagged edge. I tried to grab it from him, which resulted in it tearing my right palm open. While I tried to grab it, I accidentally twisted his finger but didn't break it, however, he got pissed off and we had yet another physical fight.

The point is, we forgave each other and used these events to strengthen our friendship. You can be upset about it and cry for a month if you want, it won't do anything for either of you. My friend and I don't believe in the idea of "forgive and forget" because you never do forget, so instead, turn the negative event into a positive one to be remembered.

Friends/best friends are also going to embrace each others problems. For example, when that best friend got angry, he would quickly break down, cry and maybe hit once or twice at most. He'd then feel guilt-ridden even after apologizing. On the other hand, I wouldn't stop until I was tired enough, physically restrained or felt I had done enough to the particular person, even if it meant tearing through others who would get in my way to protect them. Afterward, I never felt guilt-ridden, sad, etc... . He helped me in controlling my anger and I helped him in standing up for himself and not breaking down. Perhaps your friend and you won't go to such measures, however, try to embrace each others flaws to resolve the situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eldora View Post
And my mom tells me a lot that I have an attitude problem; we've been getting along quite well, but she still nags at me a lot for complaining and quarreling and being lazy.
I'm going to tell you a heavily used, logically flawed cliche, "nobody is perfect". Everyone is lazy from time to time, everyone complains and quarrels. Some do these actions more frequently and severely than others. Perhaps it is an attitude issue but it's hardly problematic as it hasn't harmed anyone nor has it harmed you.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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