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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Tiffany
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How can I get it through my family's head that my fiance' doesn't influence any of my decisions? - August 30th 2011, 05:19 AM

This morning, I showed up to my aunt's house because she offered to drive me to my first day back to college. and My hair was down and she decided she wanted to fix it. Ok so, while she was fixing it she asked me where were my earrings, and I told her I don't wear them. and then all of the sudden she ask "What has eric turned you into?" and I replied, "Wow, you just now noticed I don't wear earrings anymore? I haven't wore them in years. She also accussed him of not allowing me to wear make-up because he thinks natural beauty is the best. He tells me I don't need make-up, but he is ok with me wearing it. If I come around my aunt without make-up on she gets mad and blames eric when it was my dicision not to wear it. I don't wear anything but eye liner, and I have stopped wearing eye shadow along time ago. but yet she blames eric for the decisions that I make. She doesn't say anything to me, if I wear eyeliner, but its only when I decide to not wear it at all, is when she starts crap. She even blames eric because I decided not to dye my hair because he thinks my natural color is pretty. Its my choice not to dye my hair, not his. He don't care, all he is worried about is that he doesn't fall my hair to be really thin, and turn gray faster from all the dye. I used to dye my hair alot and it got really unhealthy, and plus on my dad's side of the family goes gray early, dye will only speed the gray up. (as I read in health books) and the women in my family has such low self esteems that they don't think they are pretty without make-up, and honestly they are dragging my self esteem down as well, and I really wish they would stop blaming eric with me not wearing make-up much or influencing my choices of any choices I make. It pisses me off really bad and pulling me and my family apart. Its not fair for them to bitch at eric If I decided to not to do something. They don't think I don't make up my own mind, when I truly do. Eric just helps me make choices and tries to help, but he doesn't boss me around like my family thinks, and also since I tell them what I chose to do (with any choice I make) he gets accussed of brain washing me in the process. Please help.
   
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Re: How can I get it through my family's head that my fiance' doesn't influence any of my decisions? - August 30th 2011, 04:43 PM

Well, it sounds like they just won't listen.

I would simply take a different aproach. "Yes he influences my decsision, I care about him. I influence his as well. Last night he wanted to go out to the bar, but instead stayed home and watched a movie with me." (Or any other fun event he gave up to be with you)

Explain how a good relationship is give and take, and how that's just what you are doing.

If they won't listen to one logic, use another. It really isn't their buisness though, youa re 20 you are engaged, it's your life.

- Justin



"Buy it, use it, break it, fix it,
Trash it, change it, mail, upgrade it,
Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it,
Snap it, work it, quick, erase it,
Write it, cut it, paste it, save it,
Load it, check it, quick, rewrite it"
Technologic
   
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