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Name: Navindu Suriyapperum
Age: 25
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My dad's alcoholic influence. - September 3rd 2011, 02:23 AM

My dad is an Alcoholic and much has happened recently. On Thursday he got an DUI( Driving under the influence). He refused to take a Breathalyzer test which means he gets a licence suspension of at least 180 days(minimum). The worst part is my mom cant drive and neither can I. When my dad got discharged from the jail he refused to he so later on at like 12 AM he collapsed and therefore and to be rushed to the ER. When he got home he started drinking again and blamed my mom for his drinking problems. The thing that sucks is this has happened occasion throughout the few years. My mom has all the pressure on her and it sucks to see her be sad when my dad makes her suffer. Just before I typed this my dad bluntly said "She's not my wife". She cared for him every day and my dad doesn't even have a job while she bring money home and provides us the living space. I just cant stand seeing my mom suffer I am fine with suffering I don't even care if I die but my mom has sacrificed so much to help my dad and he still makes her suffer and he has done far worse than this even to the point of beating her in front of my face. I just don't know how my dad can make my mom suffer while my mom does everything to assure my dad is safe. My mom cant even go to work now and I'm still in high school so I can barely go. It just sucks and sorry If I went on its just I thought it could at least help me from bursting out into tears because of seeing my mom suffer.

Thank you in advance for reading this any advice or comments are very much appreciated.

P.S sorry if my grammar is horrible I felt really sad and depressed when I wrote this so sorry for the inconvenience of people who are going to read this.
   
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Re: My dad's alcoholic influence. - September 4th 2011, 11:07 PM

Hi Navindu.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Alcohol can be so damaging to families.

Does your dad only beat your mum up when he is drunk? What is he like when he's sober?

The reason I ask is that if he is actually okay when he's sober, there's a good chance that their marriage and, subsequently, your family can be salvaged.

The difficult part is getting your dad to understand that he needs to get help. Most alcoholics don't like to admit they have a problem, even if they know they do. I think that you and your mum need to form an allegiance and confront your dad about this because it can't go on forever. And if he is a nice person without the alcohol, it seems a shame to let it ruin everything.

So would you and your mum be willing to speak to him? Perhaps write him a letter and give it to him when he is relatively sober?

Let me know how you feel about this.

Take care,

Jasmine. x


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Can build a bridge across the stream..."

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Re: My dad's alcoholic influence. - September 4th 2011, 11:36 PM

Some people can behave in a very different way when they're intoxicated. For this reason, alcohol is informally called, "liquid courage", since people may commit crimes (often violent ones) when intoxicated but would never do so if sober. If I were you, I'd try to confront him when sober, such as filming him being incredibly aggressive while intoxicated, then showing him the film once he's sober. This can be used as evidence when confronting him so he doesn't easily dismiss it as a "he-said, she-said" allegation. Alternatively, your mother and you can go to community-based programs where family members of alcoholics can meet up to share and overcome their struggles. One such group is the Al-Anon group, although there may be others in your community.

Physically beating your mother is grounds for arrest, so I would call the police, photograph her injuries, etc... . Ideally, he would go into a detox room. If he's willing, have a doctor give him Depade, Vivitrol (one-month injection form of Depade) and disulfuram. These are medications used to treat alcoholism, although your father must be willing to take them. For example, in the case of disulfuram, if he ingests a small amount of alcohol, he'll experience vomiting, nausea and extreme versions of a hangover. The goal of it is to psychologically change the positive effects of alcohol with negative ones, making alcohol undesirable.

A different method I would do if I were your mother is kick your father out of the house since she is the legal owner and payer of the house. She could give him a small sum of money for a motel, apartment, hotel, etc... and some food. If he uses it only for alcohol, then that's his problem.

Another method would be after your father beats your mother, have her go to the hospital with you. She'll be treated for her wounds and social workers often work at or through the hospital, so they could help.

On a personal note, if my father got drunk and beat my mother in front of me, I'd be short of knocking him out or breaking his arm. I'd be willing to do so not just in the name of family, but also because I help teach self-defense (unarmed vs armed, close-combat) as well as train in karate and judo. My father also trains in karate but I'd still be willing.

I didn't suggest methods that were not so confrontational simply because you said this isn't a new thing your father does, so kind and nice words aren't going to work.


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