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TheQuietGirl Offline
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Question Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 06:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm 14 years old, and my mother has beaten me since I can remember. As a kid, I can't even remember what I did wrong. I just remember she would "charge" and start hitting me across the face (If I remember, this was even before kindergarten).
She'll still charge and hit/punch me across the face when she gets angry. She was just down here screaming at me (I still don't know what I did, she never tells me) and she'll say I have mental issues (it's really only dyslexia but that isn't 100% confirmed yet), she gives up on me, I'm a little B**** that no guy will like and I'm going to lose all of my friends, etc. Then she'll go in denial and say "I never said that, do you need some mental help?" It's like "...No I need a new mom" She also used to gang up with my one sister and make me literally start sobbing in the middle of the room, and laugh really hard at me. (I remember that the most) My mom and dad yelled at each other a lot.

I'm just curious if that is the norm? My mother says it is, however I've told very few friends and they say it's not and to get help, which I refuse to do.

And another question, is this what caused my fear of being chased, and raised voices? If anybody is even WALKING behind me I become terrifyed and during things like tag or anything, I get so scared I run to the brink of a heart attack. And then if anybody starts yelling at each other, I break down crying and shield my face...

Thanks guys



Last edited by SparklingWine; September 5th 2011 at 06:21 PM.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 06:18 PM

I would say no, it's not. I know a lot of kids get spanked, very few get hit across the face. I myself would get spanked with a wooden hairbrush. Not fun. I can't help you with the bullying on the mental illness, as I know nothing about it.

As for the fears you've developed, I would say maybe so. I know I hate driving and being in cars because that was where my mother would bully my verbally and I couldn't get away.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 07:20 PM

No it is not normal. A swat on the rump when you really DID do something wrong is normal, and is just discipline when used the correct way. But that is abuse, and you need to get out of there as soon as you can.

And I would say that would be why.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 07:46 PM

It's definitely not normal and I'm so sorry to hear you have to deal with this I would say its a good bet that is why you have those fears, has she come up behind you before? And since she yells at you that is probably why you're scared of loud noises.

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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 07:54 PM

No, that's not normal. She's just telling you that to avoid you telling anyone else and getting her in trouble, that's all. You deserve better, so I would definitely look into getting some help. It could turn really nasty really fast, and we don't want that to happen to you.
It sounds to me like your mom might be bipolar. Do you think that could be a possibility? Best of luck. xx


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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 08:26 PM

I think she has many mental problems, and I have thought bi-polar for soo long.

She justifies hurting my feelings, hitting me, screaming at me, etc for "Being the parent".... I get that, but I honestly can't just "respect" somebody for being 'my parent'. I need some kind of reason, not the status of the person.


   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 11:00 PM

There's a difference between disciplining your kids and outright abuse. Your mother's definitely the latter. Your right, by saying she's doing it "as a parent" she's trivializing the hurt she's done to you. It's really just another form of emotional abuse.

If she does have issues, then it is up to her or a mature third party in your lives to deal with. She should certainly not be taking it out on you.

Like the others, I would say your fears are definitely related to her treatment of you. When I lived with my dad (I don't anymore), who was both mentally and physically abusive I use to flinch at any sudden moments close to me. When I'm in the same room as him I'd get anxiety attacks even if nothing was currently happening.

The good news is I do not believe this will last forever. I was lucky enough to get out of that situation and it's been a few years since then. I find the anxiety is slowly fading, so it does not last forever. Although I am not sure if you are able to get out yourself, if there is revenue to do so (living with another close relative etc) it is definitely worth exploring. Meanwhile please hang in there. You have my best wishes.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 11:35 PM

In the way you described it, no it's not normal.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 5th 2011, 11:50 PM

It isn't normal at all and I would do what your friends have said and get help, as much as you don't want to, whether it be for yourself or your mum if you feel that she might have mental problems.

As for your fears, I would say that it most likely is the cause for them.
   
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Re: Is it normal to hit your kids? - September 7th 2011, 02:27 AM

It's not normal and is illegal and criminal, something she can be imprisoned for. As a kid, I got whacked around by my parents when I did something "very wrong". Eventually, I got older, larger, stronger and meaner, so one day when my father smacked me on the head hard enough I nearly got knocked out, I went at him and we had a pretty nasty fight. It didn't resolve it, only made it worse, so I made it worse and we nearly got charged for some things I'd rather not mention. To avoid further events, we agreed to stop it and instead of just making the house into one gigantic multi-floor boxing ring, we would talk out the disagreements.

Ironically, my parents hated seeing other kids get hit by their parents or other kids. They even would stop such violence but for some reason they saw it different for me.

I didn't develop fears as one of the things I used to do when a lot younger and weaker was stare at my father when he threatened to hit me and I'd move in closer, wouldn't flinch. To this day (and with years of martial arts training and teaching), I still don't even when someone raises their hand at me. Instead, I smile, laugh and say, "bring it on, let's see what we can each break". When I was yelled at or heard others yelling, I never cried as I never felt scared, I always knew after I was hit in whatever way, I'd still live and be stronger. I'm not going to go into explaining why I haven't cried, never cared and don't fear getting into confrontation, it's irrelevant.


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Last edited by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!; September 7th 2011 at 02:33 AM.
   
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