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Question My Parents-Emotionally Abusive? - September 6th 2011, 04:40 AM

God, today's been so hard. I was on the computer in my room, where I usually spend a majority of my time, when my stepmother walked into my room. She started yelling at me, claiming she was "so done with this." I have apparently been avoiding her and having been running out of whatever room she walks in. I honestly don't believe I do, but I didn't say a word, and she left.

Later, she and my dad called me out to the kitchen. She yelled at me more. She said that I am manipulative, selfish, spoiled, and a liar. In her opinion, I don't deserve anything. She said that she can't stand me and that I piss her off. She said that if I don't "straighten up" she will pack her bags, divorce my father, and move. I apparently make her feel like an outsider in her own home, and she cannot handle being treated like this by a fifteen year-old.

This kind of thing happens a lot, but it's never gone this far. My stepmother comes into my room, and yells at me quite often. Then, about an hour later, my dad and herself will sit me down and lecture me. My dad takes her side. I am not to say anything, unless they tell me to explain myself. When I do, they tell me that everything I say is bullshit. If I tell them how I feel about something, they tell me it's totally irrational for me to feel this way.

Also, about six months ago they found out I cut. They freaked out at me and yelled at me for a long time, and took away many privelages. They promised they would get me help, but never did. They brushed the issue aside, and it hasnt been mentioned since. I still do it, but I am much more skillful in hiding it from then, afraid hell will break loose if they found out.

I honestly can't tell you what exactly I did wrong. I just need some advice. I don't want to ruin my parent's marriage, but I don't know how I could "straighten up." I'm thinking about moving in with a friend, but I don't know if that would solve anything. Another friend of mine told me this was emotional abuse, and that there's no way to fix it. I don't know what to believe.
   
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Re: My Parents-Emotionally Abusive? - September 7th 2011, 12:47 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp!

What your stepmother is doing is unacceptable. Have you tried pulling your father aside and discussing your concerns with him in private? If I were you, I would lay all my cards down on the table: how you feel about being yelled at all the time, how you want to be a loving member of the family and respect your parents, how you need guidance/direction on how to do that, and how you need help from your parents concerning the self-harm. I know it can be really scary to do something like that, but sometimes, you have to be the bigger person and take the first step - even if you aren't the one who is abusive.






   
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Re: My Parents-Emotionally Abusive? - September 7th 2011, 01:43 AM

I've tried talking to them before, but in my house questioning authority is considered insulting and unacceptable. She's always the victim, and my dad's always going to back her up. There seems to be nothing I can do to change that. I've been considering asking to move in with my Aunt if things get worse, but I'm afraid that will only make them more upset and make them try to make my life worse.
   
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Re: My Parents-Emotionally Abusive? - September 7th 2011, 11:26 PM

Try easing them into the idea of allowing you to live with your aunt. If your aunt lives nearby, you could ask to see her on a Saturday here, a Saturday there... then for a whole weekend... then after school on some days... and so on and so forth, until you're with your aunt fairly often. At that point, if you bring up the idea of moving out (or better yet, re-word "moving out" by saying you'd like to "spend some quality time with your aunt"), your parents may not feel as insulted by your "questioning [of] authority". Worst-case scenario, you'll get to spend more time with your aunt, which is less time with your parents. =)

Unfortunately, you may have to accept the situation for what it is, and do what you can to protect yourself emotionally. If your stepmom barges into your room and begins to yell at you, excuse yourself from the room and go somewhere else - even if it's just the bathroom. Run the water, take a few deep breaths, and try to relax while your stepmom's temper fades. When you come out, quietly go back to your room. If your stepmom confronts you again, excuse yourself again. I realize this can only take you so far, but sometimes the abuse won't escalate if you are no longer present. Your stepmom may have a short fuse, and be unable to sustain her anger for the 5-10 minutes that you are in the bathroom.






   
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Re: My Parents-Emotionally Abusive? - September 8th 2011, 02:58 PM

I don't know if it counts as emotional abuse, unless it's causing emotional trauma, and in case you didn't know, trauma is another word for hurt. For example a concussion to your head is a type of head trauma. It's more than an average bump or bruise. So if you think this is more than the average feeling sad or angry after being yelled at, it can very easily be emotional abuse.

Regardless of if it does warrant abuse or not, it's unacceptable and harmful to you. You need to enter survival mode. You need a coping mechanism and you need a back up plan. Arrange things with your aunt, buy a sleeping bag and leave it there, and have anything you would want to bring to her house (iPod, money, homework, etc)
and have some money set aside for a taxi to get to her house. Should things ever get too intense, you your plan.

Although running away could easily make the situation worse, if your plan is well exucuted you can make it through this. If your aunt knows what you're going through she will help you, and your parents are more likely to listen to her reasoning.

Good luck, and PM me if you ever need anything at all.

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