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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Letter to mom - September 15th 2011, 05:41 AM

(Moderator's note- Aside from strong language, there is also triggering content. Read with caution )

I am going to post my letter and I want people to be honest if this is to harash or not and if it is what should i change.


Mom,
I love you but I honestly HATE what you have become. A mom is supposed to be there for her kids whenever they need her but you have not been there for me the way you should have been when I was younger and even now. When I was little and in gymnastics and had the competitions and Flip-Flop-Fallies I donít remember you going to any of them but Nanny says you went to one maybe two and that is it. When I started my diving and was competing you did go to some of the meets but it was like you didnít go at all because you never saw me dive. You were either outside smoking or you couldnít sit steal so you went for a walk and missed me diving. I know for a fact that you have definitely seen me compete once and that was like 2 years ago but it still doesnít change all the other times you came to see me and ended up leaving before I dove. You have also missed a lot of mine and Meghanís birthdays. And I hate the fact that you make a point of showing up for thanksgiving and Christmas but half the time you canít be bothered to show up for our birthdays.

Nanny has been my mom figure basically my whole life probably since I was five so fifteen years. You say you want the same exact type of relationship we have. But we will never get to that stage because I can only have one true mother figure in my life and you lost that role in my life a long, long time ago.

Are relationship is so fucked up. One minute you are acting like my friend and then you decide to try and act like a mom but you cannot do that at all. A mother does NOT call her daughter a FUCKING BITCH, or tell her other daughter that the younger one is a BITCH. A mom doesnít tell her daughter stories about people getting high, stoned, or drunk off there asses and doing stupid shit. A mom also wouldnít tell her daughter who is a recovering cutter what you used to cut or how sharp it was and stuff like that. I know I joked around with you about the cutting thing but after when you were gone I went and told nanny and told her how I wish you wouldnít do stuff like that. I want to fix are fucked up relationship so bad. I want you to pick between being my mom or being a friend and stay with that. I donít care which one it is as long as you donít switch between the two. You say that I disrespect you and that I donít treat you like a daughter should treat their mom, but that is because you tend to act more like a friend so I act like that with you and then one day you decide to act like my mom and expect me to change everything and treat you like that but I refuse to. If you want to be treated like a mom then act like a mom 24/7 if you want me to treat you like a friend then act like that 24/7 DO NOT SWITCH BETWEEN THE TWO. Once you pick which one you would like me to treat you as then we can start fixing our broken relationship.

Our relationship is broken and is biased on a love hate relationship. Once you get out of rehab I want to try and fix our relationship. I am willing to go to family counseling, AA meetings with you whatever it takes to try and fix the relationship. I know that I have to change as well and itís not just you who has to change for are relationship to be fixed. I have to change the way I act towards you if you decide to act like a mom or even if you try to act like a mom 24/7. I know I have to keep in mind that teasing you and picking on you in a playful way still upsets you and I will try and stop. But in order for me to do these things there are a couple of things that you must do in order for me to change. One once you get out of rehab you have to stay on the pills they have you on because last time when you got out and you were on pills you were fun to be around and we didnít have any problems. You have to go to weekly AA meetings (or more), you also have to stay away from alcohol you canít even have one drink at all. If you donít do any of these or you stop doing these I am done try and I am also going to be done with having you in my life.

I am DONE watching YOU KILL YOURSELF. I already have it in my mind that you are going to die before nanny. If you stop drinking and stay completely sober you will probably add years to your life. When nanny and I went over to your house and you were drunk off your ass I was so scared because you were not yourself and I have never seen you drunk before. When you went into your room to try and sleep I went to see if your laptop was in your room and I honestly thought you werenít breathing and went in and told nanny she might want to go check on you but then I heard you. So I went to go see what you wanted and you were dragging yourself across the floor and that also scared the shit out of me because I thought you couldnít walk. Then when the police showed up and you kept on rambaling on about help and they said they couldnít help you. You FUCKING GRABBED A KNIFE out of the dish washer right in front of me for crying out loud. That made me so god damn scared and I started bawling the police had to come out and tell me you were fine but I was still scared. I was and still am pissed off at you for doing that right in front of me. That is something I will never ever get out of my head.

I know for a fact that Meghan doesnít understand half of the shit you have put both of us through. I donít think Meghan knows this but I have figured it out and it sucks big time. When you buy us things we want when you donít really have money to spend you are trying to buy are love and I am sorry to tell you that you cannot BUY my LOVE. That is earned. I do love you but I think that is because you are my mom I want to love you on my own accord. Although Meghan wishes she could understand everything that has gone on with you and the things you have put us through. I honestly envy her because half the time I wish I didnít understand. If I didnít understand it wouldnít HURT so DAMN MUCH. You donít realize how many of my scars from cutting are because of the things you have either said or done hurt me and that was the only way I could deal with it, Or how many times I have bitten myself for the same damn reason.

I want to trust you so bad and believe the thing you tell me. But half the time you just get my hopes up and then I end up crushed. So I have learned not trust you when you say you will be somewhere for me and if you are I am actually surprised, but if you donít show up to be honest it doesnít surprise me anymore. Meghan still gets her hopes up but that is because she believes everyone is good and god how I wish I could believe that. I also wish it was actually true but the sad fact is that it isnít true at all. Donít get me wrong you are good but I just canít believe in your word or promises anymore and I hope someday I will be able to.

Frankie


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
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Last edited by SparklingWine; September 15th 2011 at 11:16 PM. Reason: Adding prefix and moderators note.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Letter to mom - September 15th 2011, 04:09 PM

Any comments will be accepted even if it just says , its good, not harsh, or it sucks, I don't care I just need to know what others think


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
SparklingWine Offline
Normality, my friends.
Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Letter to mom - September 15th 2011, 04:20 PM

I was planning on replying last night, but I got so sleepy that I literally could not see straight lol.
So I just read it again

I think it's really, really good. It's honest, emotional, clear, detailed, etc. You told her what you didn't like about the relationship, and what your part was which was good. Not harsh at all. Great job


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
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Re: Letter to mom - September 15th 2011, 06:23 PM

Thank you :]


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
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Re: Letter to mom - September 15th 2011, 06:39 PM

I could literally FEEL the emotion coming from the words you wrote. I know it's very heartfelt and I don't think it's too harsh. You were honest and that's all that matters. I hope everything works out for you. xx
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
_Headphones_ Offline
Music Lover

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Name: Frankie<3
Age: 27
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Re: Letter to mom - September 16th 2011, 02:38 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by believe.in.hope View Post
I could literally FEEL the emotion coming from the words you wrote. I know it's very heartfelt and I don't think it's too harsh. You were honest and that's all that matters. I hope everything works out for you. xx
I doubt it will considering I just got home and found out that she quit this rehab to and isn't going to try going to any other ones but do "out Patient" but I think thats bullshit shes not strong enough to do this on her own. I'm already self harming as i'm typing this but this news makes me want to cut so bad


Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay
Sometimes it's hard, to follow your heart
Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising,
Just be true to who you are
|Member 2007||Senior Community Mentor||Social Media Guru||Resource & Newsletter Editor||Writer||Chat Mod|
|Forum Mod: LGBT, Sexuality and gender identity, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Peer Pressure and Bullying, Disability, Good Days, Friends & Family|
|PM/VM|


   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Letter to mom - September 16th 2011, 07:31 AM

I'm a spelling and grammar Nazi. There are numerous grammatical errors and a few spelling errors but I don't think that is a big concern to you. I know nothing of your life so I cant say whether what you wrote was factually truthful or not, however, you did not sugar-coat it and gave your full opinion, along with hopes for various issues. Putting aside my view of not liking this letter-writing idea, it seems fairly good as an informal letter. If she is going in and out of rehab as you described, I don't think a warm and fuzzy letter would do, a harsher one would be better to show how you perceive her, how Megan perceives her and her effect on both of you. I would probably make it harsher or you can compensate for that in your delivery of the letter.

Regarding your mother leaving rehab, have you had her involuntarily admitted to a psych hospital? It seems she has been in and out of rehab, without success as she has little desire to try. She doesn't seem like a stable parent to me at all. I suppose if you could get her to have a desire to try and get clean, perhaps it will work but as you mentioned in the letter, it cannot be just she who changes, also has to be Megan and yourself.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
   
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