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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
semiunbalanced Offline
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My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 04:58 AM

I'm going nuts. Please help!

My little sister is 16 and I just graduated High School and am now attending college. Ever since then she's been nothing but rude to everybody around her and I'm the only one seeing it. Whenever somebody does something a TINY bit impolite she puts her finger up (as if she's saying "one") and says, "RUDE" in the most obnoxious tone. She's been doing it for like two months now. It's driving me insane. When her friends start drama she acts like she's the most mature out of all of them. She always says shit like, "Everybody has growing to do and I know I do too but they just don't get it. I don't get why I'm the most mature out of all of them." in this awful princess-y tone. I guess the other day I made my dad upset by complaining about the organization of one of the cabinets in the kitchen and my dad and mom left for a couple hours of the night. Then today I was saying what a bad day I was having and my mom wouldn't let me call my girlfriend cause I had chores to do and I kinda got upset. My mom said all sarcastically, "How else can I ruin your life?" and my little sister chimes in with, "God you upset Dad the other night and now Mom. Stop taking your bad days out on everybody else!" AS IF SHE'S THE FUCKING ONE IN CHARGE. I've been crying since about 5 and it's 10 now. I'm going fucking insane. I can't talk to my mom or dad about how she's acting cause they ALWAYS take her side and when I tried venting to my girlfriend about it she said she was kinda sick of hearing about my little sister and I just needed to ignore it.

I can't ignore it. She thinks she's so much better than everybody else and I just want to shake her and tell her she's NOT. FUCK. I'm so upset. I've thrown up twice just from being upset. Please help.
   
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 08:16 AM

im sorry. she seems to be quite a little snobby teen, huh? well, if you ever need to vent or talk, im always free to talk PM me if you want my MSN or something, im always on there 24/7, or we could talk through pm here, but i dont check here as often. im sorry you are so upset though! /hug/
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 02:43 PM

I feel like you just described my brother. He shows different characteristics (The kind a guy will show. He is all prince-ly) but he is just as irritating! But you know on some occasions when we are not fighting (very rare but not non-existant), and he actually talks normally and when sometimes he does something to show that he cares about me (even though it drives me crazy but well he does care even if his methods are totally irritating), I just overlook it all. Simply because he is family. He is the one who'll eventually stick around for the rest of my life. And well he can't really help being himself. So I just retort back at him with good dialogues and just get over with it.



"Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic, capable of both inflicting injury and remedying it."

-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
   
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 03:59 PM

Kimmi, are you living at home while attending college? For your sake, I hope not! In either even, your word is 'Transitions'. Changes. Yours, and their unintended effects on her.

Anyways, when people's behavior/attitude changes suddenly and dramatically, we usually look to environmental precursors (or in college lingo, 'prerequisites'...things that you need first, psychological triggers or precipitants).

So, in your case, it's maybe (probably?) the changes brought about by your graduating HS and going to college. Even if you're still living at home, things have changed, if only symbolically: You're moving on, you're growing up, and your base isn't so much the familiar (home and the neighborhood HS), but college. The scheduling is different, your time is different. And she's sensing that. College=adult. 16=kid. Before, you were both more equal. And your relationship was more predictable.

So, she might be feeling the stress of these changes, of your having one foot out the door, by being more 'mature' (just like you!). Unfortunately, she's not, the change here is yours, your the one moving on and taking the next step. She's reacting in response to those changes and the stress it causes.

Depending in the relationship you have with her, you could spend some extra time with her, which would reassure her that even though in some important respects you're leaving, in other important respects you're not, that no matter where you are or what yo';re doing or how it changes the stuff around you (and her), emotionally you're still there. You can do this directly, by discussing it, or thru your actions, of still spending time with the family and with her.

It's an adjustment here, for her as well as you, too. You have more control over it because i';s your life and your change. She's just affected by it, and she''s probably reacting to that newness and her inability to do anything about it by acting in a way that makes her feel safer. This will pass as she gets accustomed to the new reality, you can speed things along by providing some reassurance and not be too harsh with her.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 06:02 PM

Thanks for your replies.

Unfortunately my college has a rule that while a freshman at the university you must either dorm or live at home. We can't afford dorming so I'm living at home. I think that's going to be my situation for a while anyway considering I can't really afford to pick up and move out. /:

That makes a lot of sense actually and I've been thinking along the same lines as that. I just get so irritated. Around her friends and my friends (and some of my friends are finishing up their senior year in High School, including my girlfriend) she acts like now that I'm gone she has to do something rash to make a name for herself and in turn she's being snobby, rude and hurtful. Every time I try to discuss things with her though she just does that same thing, "RUDE". I don't know if hanging out with her more will help though. We just went on a family vacation and even when I spent more time with her (every day on the Cruise ship) she still pulled the same crap. It's like if I spend time with her I'm bound to get hurt.

And can you maybe explain why she's been so threatened lately? She keeps saying, "I'm going into Young Americans which is the smarter thing to do and then I'll transfer to a four year university. I'm not giving up on my dreams like you have." Which (by the way) I haven't given up on anything. /: I don't know why she keeps acting like this!
   
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 16th 2011, 11:08 PM

She may feel she has to try and fill your shoes, perhaps act better than you have throughout all the years she's modeled you. Before you graduated to go to college, you had the reins over her but now things have changed and she probably felt she was the last to know everything. To her, she has to take your place and be more mature, hence her constant dialogue of being the most mature of all her friends. Her gestures and saying "rude" is probably due to this as well as stress and confusion about what her role in the family is. It may be forcing her to think about what she'll do once she's in your position of going off to college, which may be why she's saying she'll go to Young Americans and so forth. Lastly, when you were younger and when she got in trouble with parents, you may have acted the way she is. Remember, even if you didn't act exactly as she did, her behaviour may be a reflection of how she perceived you along with stress.

If you run to your parents and say, "mommy, she's being rude", it shows immaturity as you should be past that point. As a result, it would tell your sister she is more mature, so she may continue with her behaviour. It should be temporary, once she adjusts to her new role and yours, she'll calm down. Her current hostility probably is a means of trying to surpass how you were, so try to think how you were when you were her age.


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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 17th 2011, 02:17 AM

I don't just tattle on her or anything it's just my mom sees how she's acting and doesn't do anything about it. She's just so rude to everybody around her and thinks she's such hot shit. /: I wish I could say that it's starting to bug me less but it really isn't. -____-
   
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Re: My sister is driving me INSANE. - September 19th 2011, 08:42 PM

Why don't you try talking to her? Sit her down and tell her her attitude is driving you mad and that it needs to stop. She can't be allowed to get away with this, and at sixteen she should know better. Don't include your parents in this, but maybe the school counselor if you feel better about it?
   
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