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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 04:58 PM

Okay. My parents. they did this with good intentions, but did they really have to? They made my boyfriend break up with me because of a few reasons:

- They saw it as a controlling relationship
- We were sneaking behind there back to see each other
- We were sneaking out to see each other
- He was coming to my work and spending my proper breaks with me
- I was leaving work early to go and see him

They smashed my phone(which i paid for myself) so i wouldnt contact him, they forbid me from leaving the house, im not allowed on my computer, and if i contact him at all or he contacts me at all they will call the police on him. They took away my ability to leave the school grounds aswell. In 6 months today im turning 18, i am going to move out and live on my own. I will have $2,000+ saved up for this. Me & my boyfriend could have changed-- i didnt know they would forbid me from seeing him ever again and if i had i would have stopped this right away and seen him when i was allowed to. I am not allowed to go to any friends' houses, go outside my house for any purpose, talk to anyone on the phone, ect. All im allowed to do atm is watch tv and do chores/homework.

Now, i would like to know your opinions, was the relationship a bad one? How do i tell my parents I am going to move out instead of go to college? Should i contact my boyfriend in 6 months and see if he wants to meet up? How should i deal with all this?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 05:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistpool5 View Post
Okay. My parents. they did this with good intentions, but did they really have to? They made my boyfriend break up with me because of a few reasons:

- They saw it as a controlling relationship
- We were sneaking behind there back to see each other
- We were sneaking out to see each other
- He was coming to my work and spending my proper breaks with me
- I was leaving work early to go and see him

They smashed my phone(which i paid for myself) so i wouldnt contact him, they forbid me from leaving the house, im not allowed on my computer, and if i contact him at all or he contacts me at all they will call the police on him. They took away my ability to leave the school grounds aswell. In 6 months today im turning 18, i am going to move out and live on my own. I will have $2,000+ saved up for this. Me & my boyfriend could have changed-- i didnt know they would forbid me from seeing him ever again and if i had i would have stopped this right away and seen him when i was allowed to. I am not allowed to go to any friends' houses, go outside my house for any purpose, talk to anyone on the phone, ect. All im allowed to do atm is watch tv and do chores/homework.

Now, i would like to know your opinions, was the relationship a bad one? How do i tell my parents I am going to move out instead of go to college? Should i contact my boyfriend in 6 months and see if he wants to meet up? How should i deal with all this?
I have no idea about the quality of the relationship, but it does seem that you were acting very immaturely. Leaving work early to go hang out with a boyfriend, sneaking around, and sneaking out are all really immature things.

Why do you feel that you should move out instead of going away to college? If you go away to college, you're still out of the house, but you'll actually be doing something with your life too.
   
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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 07:53 PM

Moving out - I would like to move out and experience the real world, even for a year and possibly move back with my parents to go to college then. I want to support myself and experience what living by myself is like. Plus, then I will be able to contact my boyfriend when i am not living in my parent's house. Ive had chemistry with him since grade 7, and it's now grade 12. I'm not letting him go.


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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 07:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistpool5 View Post
Moving out - I would like to move out and experience the real world, even for a year and possibly move back with my parents to go to college then. I want to support myself and experience what living by myself is like. Plus, then I will be able to contact my boyfriend when i am not living in my parent's house. Ive had chemistry with him since grade 7, and it's now grade 12. I'm not letting him go.
Do you have the financial stability to live on your own? It's a lot more expensive than most people think it is. And wouldn't you be able to contact him if you were going to college, since you wouldn't be at your parent's house?
   
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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 08:07 PM

Quick question, why do your parents think he is controlling?

First, I think sneaking out, leaving work early, etc is an immature way to go about your relationship with someone. I'm not saying you're immature, I'm just saying that you could of handled it differently. Acting like this will only result in consequences. And that's exactly what happened. There may be chemistry between you two, but right now you're going to have to wait until you've moved out.

if I were you, I would not give up your dream and college for one person, because if you're meant to be with him.. you will be. I would accept your punishment, wait it out. After the duration of your punishment, I would talk to your parents about seeing him again. Tell them that you've learned your lesson (only if you have) and that you want a fresh start and another chance with him. If they don't want you to see him then you have to accept that. But please don't give up college. Youll potentially regret that. Just remeber that everything will work out the way it's suppose to.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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September 16th 2011, 08:11 PM

I never dreamed of going to college, my parent's have a way of forcing there idea's down me and my brother's throats. I would much rather go and live on my own. And the financial stuff, well, im working that out. I would be earning $1,900+ on my own and someone is planning to move in with me. And my parents would never let me contact him again, when im 18? sure! but i have to move out first. Words straight from my mom.

And our college doesn't have the option to stay at the school for living.


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Last edited by SparklingWine; September 16th 2011 at 08:14 PM. Reason: merging multiple posts.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 08:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistpool5 View Post
I never dreamed of going to college, my parent's have a way of forcing there idea's down me and my brother's throats. I would much rather go and live on my own. And the financial stuff, well, im working that out. I would be earning $1,900+ on my own and someone is planning to move in with me. And my parents would never let me contact him again, when im 18? sure! but i have to move out first. Words straight from my mom.

And our college doesn't have the option to stay at the school for living.
Earning $1,900 how often? And are you earning it from a job, or what?
   
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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 16th 2011, 10:57 PM

I cant answer most of your questions as you only gave the conclusion of part of the story, none of the details or explanations. It's obvious they're being controlling of you, however, it's impossible to say whether it's for the good or bad because it assumes your relationship with your boyfriend was negative for you. I have no idea if that assumption is true or not, nor do I know the quality of your relationship. I feel the way you were acting with your boyfriend was immature by sneaking around and so forth.

I agree with your parents in having you go to college. You can make a living without going to college, although it's difficult to make a good one and earn a nice income. If and when I have kids, I'll be sure to put them through college or university, unless they are extremely well off without it, which is unlikely as most people aren't. The $1,900 can be insufficient depending how often you're making it and how you're making it. You admitted to still working out the financial aspect if you were to move out, so before you tell them, you should first have a solid idea (with back-up plans) for how you'll financially support yourself.

Since your parents threatened to call the police if your boyfriend contacts you again, I'd imagine if you moved out with him, they'd call the police. They may even try to physically bring you back home. There's no easy way to tell your parents of your intentions, I doubt they'll let it happen regardless of how you tell them. Serve the duration of your punishment, otherwise you'll be acting even more immature and it'll be even more unlikely your parents will support you and not interfere.


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Re: Family, Boyfriend, and moving out. - September 17th 2011, 02:43 PM

Firstly, You are making a rash decision. Whatever your parents did, they did it because they care about you. And now you're planning to move out for this guy, and you don't even know if he'd be single after 6 months and would like to continue the relationship.
A better solution would be to sit down with your parents and come to some common agreement about being with tyhe guy



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