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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Pineapple Tree Offline
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Exclamation My mum's gay... - September 21st 2011, 10:38 AM

My mum got a girlfriend,A, a few years ago, they were on and off for ages then (suposedly) broke up permenantly because A was a looney. Then about a year ago, they got back together and A was seeing a counceller (?), and it really upset me. I did tell Mum that I don't like her, so they broke up... but got back together. Mum keeps on telling me to give A a chance, but I have a really bad feeling...
This is just like the worst nightmare ever... I keep telling myself that they can't end up together...
I don't want to tell Mum that I feel depressed... I want to turn into someone else, have a different life...
I don't want to die, but I don't want to live this life either.

Last edited by SparklingWine; September 23rd 2011 at 10:36 PM. Reason: Removing unnecessary prefix
   
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Re: My mum's gay... - September 23rd 2011, 09:59 PM

I know you have a bad feeling about your mom's girl friend. But for your mom, could you try and get to know her? You really can't make assumptions about someone until you get to know them. And think about how your mom feels. Here she loves this person, and wants to be with someone, but her child, who she also loves, doesn't like her. She is conflicted between making her child happy, and making herself happy. I think you more or less owe it to your mom to at least make an attempt to get to know her girl friend. All it really takes is a quick jaunt to lunch with her, or a nice trip to a coffee shop. What can that hurt? I know it's hard seeing your mom with someone else, but you should be open to the idea. Do it for your mom.

If you decide you still don't like your mom's girlfriend, then maybe you should talk to her again. This time you have more than just a feeling to base your thoughts off of. And your mom will have an easier time understanding why you don't like her. I would do your best to get to know her. And if you decide that you still don't like her, then make sure your mom knows. Because who she dates affects you as well. Not just her. And she should take that into account.

I also think that you need to tell your mom about your depression. She can help you get counseling, or help of some sort. If you're that depressed, then it's going to get worse unless you make changes for yourself. Counseling can help you sort your emotions, and help you learn how to cope with life. Including your mom's relationship. I know how hard it can be to talk to other people about how you're feeling, but it's actually a release. And you deserve the help. You could find that counseling is effective. It's worth a try right? You've already acknowledged that you have a problem, so now you just need to get help with it. You can do this.

Take care<3


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Re: My mum's gay... - September 23rd 2011, 10:31 PM

Oh, my!

Listen, I totally understand your utter shock and dismay here. What an upheaval!

Who knows what's going on there for your mum, let's hope she can sort herself out, but we cannot count on that. Your well being shouldn't be so closely tied to her actions or relationships, you need a bit of emotional space from that.

I so like the idea of you going for that counselling you said you don't want. It will give you a safe place, something normal and predictable, and some sorely needed support. In that environment you can not only learn some coping skills but get some good stuff that will make it easier to tolerate your mum's process here of finding herself.


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Re: My mum's gay... - September 25th 2011, 02:32 PM

Thanks, I don't feel so alone now someone replied. I'll think about that councelling idea...
   
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