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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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confused. Offline
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Unhappy My father's impossible. Please help! - September 23rd 2011, 10:39 PM

What can I possibly do to make him accept my boyfriend?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now, and ever since I first told my father after the first month, it's been nothing but trouble.
My current boyfriend certainly isn't the first I've ever had, but he's the first I've actually taken seriously. I've told my entire family about him and everyone accepts him... except my dad.
It's sickening actually. Fights about my relationship break out at least every 5 months, and they're not to be taken lightly.
During the biggest fight, my father violent. He smashed my laptop and my phone. I ended up calling the police that night.
Since then, he's calmed a bit, but hasn't changed. He's still extremely close-minded and we're all sick of it.
Recently, my boyfriend moved two hours away and after a month, I'm finally going to see him. My father was genuinely upset, yelling about how my mother and I value my boyfriend my than we value him. It's ridiculous.
He can't seem to see how responsible my boyfriend is. He's a great guy. He has a job, awesome grades in college (I'm in college too), and his own car. All he does is treat my father with the utmost respect. We don't know what else to do. Both are very important in my life and letting go of my boyfriend is NOT and will NEVER be an option.
I need advice on how to deal with this.

Last edited by PSY; September 23rd 2011 at 11:05 PM. Reason: Moved thread to the Friends and Family forum.
   
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Re: My father's impossible. Please help! - September 23rd 2011, 10:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by confused. View Post
My father was genuinely upset, yelling about how my mother and I value my boyfriend my than we value him. It's ridiculous
Really? Your dad is jealous?

Have you calmly asked him specifically what his objections are? Can he talk about them, can you respond to them? You can try logic and reason, but if the issue really is jealousy and possessiveness, what often works are gentle reminders of his primacy in your life, reassurances about his 'special' place for you. And, some gentle reminders of the normalcy of dating, and how that doesn't take the place of him. Maybe a reminder that he doesn't surely want you to be an old maid, a spinster! Think of what the neighbors and the rest of the family would think....

Also, let mom intervene here, too. As the other adult/parent/marital partner, she might have the most influence here, privately, when they're alone.

But don't argue with him, whatever is going on inside for him is pretty powerful and you don't want him to lose control again. This needs to be managed based on an understanding of what his motives are, not yours.


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