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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Angry Fights and getting in trouble - September 25th 2011, 02:27 AM

Everyday, it seems I get into trouble for something. Sometimes, it is because I did something wrong. But not today. I was at home sick. My brother had already invited 2 of his friends over. All day he had been playing with his friends. Parents were out. 5:00 rolls in and I get off the computer from outside in the garage. I go to the sink to try and make my congested nose feel better and I hear a noise. When I turn around, I see my brother and another of his friends right about to go up the stairs. I stop my brother and ask nicely if I can talk to him. He then says to his friend, "yah, the bathroom is right up there," and points to my bathroom. I pull my brother aside and ask him what's going on. Before he can answer, his friends walks out and, his friend is REALLY nosy, so he sits down by the stair railing, about to listen to the conversation. So I walk out to the garage with my brother and tell him, very nicely, that he needs to sed his friend home because; 1.) I'm sick. And 2.) He didn't ask me if a THIRD friend could come over. You know what he does? 3.) Our parents are coming home ad it's almost time for dinner. He says "well thanks for being
such a nice sister." and slams the door behind him. He goes up stairs, into the TV room, slams the door behind him and his friend and then starts to play video games. I yell up to him, "you need to get off." and after about a minute, he and his friend come downstairs and his friend goes outside. Then my brother tells me he an his friend and another friend are going to this other friends house! I say, "no, you can't because it's almost dinner, mom and dad are coming home and you've played enough today." Angrily, he disrespects me and walks out of the door, to his friends house. I just tell myself that I'll let my and dad punish him. And I won't do anything. But when my parents get home, my dad gets kids mad at me for bothering him with such a petty argument. So when my brother gets home my dad tells me to resolve the conflict. I tell this story but my brother denies all of it infront of the parents and calls me a liar. My dad tells me brother that he knows he'd lying but doesn't get mad. So I get frustrated but remain silent. So we watched a movie and at the end of the movie, my brother is pouting because he doesn't have anything to eat becaue my parents messed up on the sandwich they bought for him. So my dad says you need to go lie down to my brother. I walk to the kitchen to get my sandwich and then my dad starts getting mad at me for "being in a bad attitude and since I'm sick I need to go to bed at 6:30! I ask tell him to please calm down and stop yelling at me so he gets even madder. So here I am, locked in my room writing this, hoping for some advice on what to do. My dad wants me to probably go apologize to him now. Please help. I'm a straight A student and a hard working athlete. What more could my parents want? Right now, my brother got out of his little punishment and is downstairs watching TV.
   
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Re: Fights and getting in trouble - September 30th 2011, 12:01 AM

First, welcome to TeenHelp! =) Second, please take everything I am about to say with a grain of salt. I don't know what your family's dynamics are like; therefore, some of the things I say could be way off target.

Based on what I've read, it seems like you generally leave the disciplining up to your father. That means it isn't necessarily your job to tell your brother what he can and cannot do. While I agree that it was inconsiderate of him to invite friends over when you were sick, it also wasn't very polite to say something like, "Your friends need to leave because I'm sick and because you didn't say there would be TWO friends." In my opinion, your response sounded bossy... and the person who should be bossing your brother around is your father, because he is the one administering the discipline. In addition, you were awake, and not trying to sleep. Your brother may have assumed that it was okay to have friends over if you were on the computer. If you had been in bed, and they had woken you up while playing video games, then you would have been well within your rights to say, "Could you please turn down the volume?" or "Could you please play at another friend's house?" You didn't do that, though.

Now, it's not good that your father failed to discipline your brother and let him get away with a blatant lie; however, your father did get something right, which was to encourage you to resolve the conflict on your own. While you may not be in a position of authority over your brother, that doesn't mean that the two of you shouldn't try to be mature and work things out. In all honesty, it sounds like your brother is somewhat immature (not eating dinner because your parents didn't make his sandwich correctly... really?), but from what I've observed, you're an accomplished person and you're capable of reasoning things out. You can try to change your approach in the future... instead of bossing your brother around, try to explain that you're sick and you'd really appreciate it if he could keep the volume down while playing video games, so that you can rest. It's much more reasonable than asking him and his friends to leave altogether. If your reasonable attempts at compromise fail due to his lack of maturity, THEN you can approach your father, explain the situation, outline what you tried to do, and ask him for advice on how to handle the situation.

If this pattern of fighting with your brother has been going on for some time, then I can understand why your father gave the response that he did. It wasn't very nice, but to a certain extent, he has a point. Sometimes, it's necessary to think about situations in different ways, and I think it may help to try a different approach with your brother. If things settle down between the two of you, then your father won't feel as much tension, and that should help improve your relationship with him in return.






   
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