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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Rhiandoll Offline
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My family is falling apart, help! - March 19th 2009, 06:27 PM

I'm really lost I don't know what to do! Ever since my cousin came he's just changed things for the worst! He came from a village with not much techonology and so when he came here he started playing on everything until it was all broken and my Mum got upset as we just did the house and told me nan, who then told my cousin off. He lied and decieved us but saying he was doing work on the laptop when he was actually doing other things, he got told off for that but then proceeded to use my computer.

So then one day my nan wanted the whole family to sit down and eat and after several failed attempts at being nice and calling my cousin to eat, he kept on refusing and my nan yelled at him to come and eat, then my mum just said to stop it but my mum has a very rude tone sometimes and so my nan thought she was being disrespectful.

They've been ignoring each other for about 1 week and my mother is acting really immature and now my grandparents are being bullied, he whole family is against them and they lock themselves in one room and cook small portions just for themselves. While the rest of my family go out and enjoy and forget about them, especially my mum. My nan and grandad were in tears about it to me and I don't know how I can help them. I tried to stand up and defend them but then my aunt and uncle just step in and push me back down again. They don't see my reasoning and never wand to admit they are wrong!

Then my mum gets angry at me for not doing the dishes one day and says I don't respect her, but she doesn't even respect my nan so I don't see why I have to respect her.

I just don't know what to do! I just want my cousin to leave! He;s wrecked my life, I have A level exams in two months and this is taking my concentration away from my studies, I have no clue what to do and I have no siblings or anyone to turn to for help. =( What should I do?
   
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Re: My family is falling apart, help! - March 23rd 2009, 09:24 PM

Okay, it seems that your mum and grandparents are getting a little stressed with having your cousin stay. Has he moved in permanantly? It would take anyone a while to get used to a new home, especially if it's full of things that he has never seen or used before ... so he's bound to be curious. But it's important to keep reminding him that just because he's new here doesn't mean the rules don't apply to him. You could even be hard on him, like say that he either sits down with you all to eat or he doesn't have anything. It may seem harsh to your grandparents, but I think it's necessary to make him behave himself.

Or maybe your grandparents could take him for a while?




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Re: My family is falling apart, help! - March 23rd 2009, 11:50 PM

Hey,

This is probably a seriously stressful situation for you. It would be for anyone. I can speak to you from personal experiences, it's best you don't get involved. You're all family, and therefore any kind of fighting is probably hard on everyone. But, if you're not involved, don't get involved. Let the grown-ups sort this out. They are old enough to live with and deal with their own choices and arguments. Harsh words might be exchanged, but eventually things will get better.

My grandma and mom fight all the time. It's mostly because they have such different views. But, I used to get involved. I used to try and talk to them, one on one. It only made me more stressed. Also, it never helped.

I know it's stressful right now, but let them settle this on their own. When you get involved, you tend to take on the stress of the fight as well. Which is wrong because this isn't your battle. You're family, nothing will ever change that. This doesn't change how much you love each other. Everyone will disagree, and fight. Just wait and things will sort themselves out.

As for your cousin, try talking to him yourself. Let him know what he's doing. Have a 'heart to heart' with him. Tell him you know he's new and probably shy, among other things, but he needs to follow certain rules. Let him know how things go and how to talk/act with the other family. Help him out and be friendly. It might be hard for him too. You never know what he's thinking about. Just try reaching out. If it doesn't work, then we think of another idea.

I really hope things sort out for you quickly. If you need anything, don't be afraid to PM me ok? Take care of yourself. :]

~Stay strong and have faith.


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