trouble with parents and anxiety

[ther]

hi im new in this forum.

well everything started when i was 2. I lived with my parents and my sister then my father left us and my grandmother came to live with us to look after me and my sister. my mom worked a lot. we move out a couple of times and until i was 5-6 i used to sleep with my mother. as you may know this created on me psychological disorder wich is like if had to look after my mother everytime, and no other man can come near her becouse it bothers me a lot.(what i mean is that i cant stand my mom having a partner). i was born in argentina and we moved to italy when i was 10, after one year without my mom who had came earlier to find a job in italy. in this 5-6 years living in italy it was hard for me to socialize and i was weird to most of other kids. i developep a strong anxiaty wich brought derealization, problems with girls, hate and other problems. now i live with my sister my mom and her partner who is a total a**hole. neither of them have ever understood me even after i expleined to them my situation very carefully. they are a bounch of superficial i**ots. when i was 14 i met my best friend at school. we quickly became friends nad i started to get in troubles for example i came a little late home. then i started smoking cigarettes, and since my mother is absolutly opposed to it she got really mad each time she cought me and after some months i quit. almost a year ago i started smoking pot and drinking and she was even more opposed to it. i lied to her many times and the last time she cought me was the 15 of august of this year. now i cant go out exept for going to therapy or school. she wants me to swear that i wont smoke anymore but i cant promise that. i cant becouse i dont want to. im willing to quit cigarettes and alcohol right now but i dont see why to quit pot right now. dont get me wrong i know i was wrong a lot of times i did stupid things(like not anwsering the cellphone or mixing pot and alcohol) and she worried about me a lot. yet i promised her i would quit alcohol and cigarettes but i also asked her to trust me, i told her i wouldnt ruin my life by just smoking pot but she is just completly brain washed she thinks pot is as bad as cocaine and heroin. i just cant take this shit anymore i cry everyday thinking about im 17 already and how i wasted all my youth simply by not enjoing it, about this derealization that wont go away, its there every single moment of my day, about girls being assholes to me, about my mom being such and idiot. i wont stay a second more that im forced to in this house. fortunately ill go to my dad's after im 18. there you go 5 years of my life that should have been the best may be the worst. thanks you for reading. please help me out

[PSY]

Hello, Ther, and welcome to TeenHelp!

I wish I could give you a piece of advice that you drastically change your life and the way you view your current situation; however, I can't. There's a lot going on right now, and there are some issues that probably won't be resolved without a lot of hard work on your end. Yes, that means making commitments to stop doing things that are self-destructive... not because your mom wants you to, but because you want the quality of your life to improve. It's going to be harder because you don't seem to have many people you're close to, but the funny thing is that people will respond to you in a similar way to how you respond to them. If you are kind toward others, then they will slowly begin to trust you and act kindly in return. If you are standoffish and rebellious, they will begin to distrust you and keep you at arm's length.

I don't know what you're doing in therapy at the moment, but you may want to look into seeing someone else if you're not getting anything useful out of your current therapist. You may also want to consider group therapy and joining a support group, such as Narcotics Anonymous. It'll be a great way to meet new people who can encourage you to continue making decisions that will allow you to improve the quality of your life. =)