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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Le Papillon Offline
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friends and cancer :( - October 1st 2011, 03:11 AM

so, i found out in early july that my friend Katie has cervical cancer, right? so i was super upset bout that, obviously. but im doing my best to be there for her. i dont like asking how its all going, cuz im pretty sure she just wants to have normal conversations to try and put it out of her mind for a bit and live her life, and everyone is probably asking her all the time anyways. bout a month before taht, one of my friends died from her cancer. now, my best friends loves mom (and my best friend adores his mom) has cancer and has 6-12 months to live. its like, everyone i care about either gets cancer, or the people they care about do. its just not cool, and i dont understand why all this keeps happening. how are any of us supposed to deal with anything if all this keeps happening? and then this morning i found out one of our teachers from last year has lung cancer as well, and last schoolyear, our librarian almost died(or died? not too sure..) of brain cancer. my great grandma died of brain cancer.. i dont understand why everyone i seem to come in contact with and care abouy gets cancer


formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss
   
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Re: friends and cancer :( - October 2nd 2011, 01:11 AM

I'm really sorry to hear about this
It must be very tough to deal with! If you ever need to rant to someone, feel free to PM me anytime
It may seem like everyone you care about is going to get cancer, but that is not the case. And lots of people beat cancer, so just stay strong and hopefully they will make it through this. Cancer is a terrible disease.


And here you are living, despite it all.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Le Papillon Offline
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Re: friends and cancer :( - October 2nd 2011, 01:47 AM

thanks Nicole


formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss

Last edited by Le Papillon; October 2nd 2011 at 02:47 AM.
   
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Re: friends and cancer :( - October 2nd 2011, 02:08 AM

Oh, my!

I'm really sorry here, you really are dealing with a lot of tragedy and loss. It's always hard to respond to someone struggling with this, either the patient or the friends.

Bad things happen to good people, and that's really unfortunate, it really sucks. I think it might be helpful to be aware of two things: First, this is enormously stressful for you (or other friends/family/caretakers), make sure you get some support and take extra good care of yourself.

The other is that often, patients facing potentially life threatening illnesses say that the hardest part of the illness is responding to the awkwardness of other's reaction. We just don't lknow what to say or do when faced with someone we care about (or love) with cancer.

Ask yourself this: (Heaven forbid!) you had a similar situation, you were facing a potential tragedy of your own, with potentially gruesome treatments. What would you want others response to you be?

Mostly, what I hear is that the cancer should be addressed at least ONCE. As in, find out what you need to so it's not as awkward or scary for YOU. Ask as much as you need to, cry as much as you need to, look blankly back as much as you need to. This is all easier for most patients than the silence and awkwardness of not addressing it. Then, take a deep one, tell them you love/like/respect them and want to continue your friendship/whatever it is you have and don't want to necessarily make the cancer (or it's treatment) more of an issue than they want to. And ask them what they think. And how you can both do that.

Most are relieved to have this convo, b/c it clears the air, and allows them to retain that which is most missed: Normalcy. It also relieves them of the burden of having to take care of you.

Cancer isn't as scary as it once was, even if your past experiences with others with it wasn't so good. Try to deal with your own anxiety (as well as them sometimes not looking or feeling well) privately, and not let it get in the way and you'll both be fine. It's when people awkwardly say nothing that it becomes uncomfortable for both.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Le Papillon Offline
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Re: friends and cancer :( - October 2nd 2011, 02:46 AM

alright. thanks


formerly snowstorm, GoneBeyondRepair, and Breathless in Love
Repose en Paix, Grandad/mom H., Sito, Nay, Mary, Aunt S., Peter, Katie, Lexi, Mrs. Radoye, Mandii, Trevor, Megan, Uncle T., Erika, Aunt R., Braxton, Connie, Adam, Grandpa, Buttons ♥
The world will bleed its bloody tale. People will throw their stones. But the one thing you must always remember is:
You no longer walk alone.
-Blake Bliss
   
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