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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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bluemoon Offline
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I'm bi. How do I deal with my friends? - October 5th 2011, 05:14 AM

I've always been attracted to other guys, but I'm still pretty much in the closet about being bi. I've talked about it with a couple of my girl friends, but I know it would be much more awkward to discuss it with my guy friends. Also, most of my friends are really religious, so revealing this to them would change things between us on many levels. It also doesn't help that I have a huge crush on one of my best friends, who is one of the very religious ones. Part of me really wants to tell him that I'm bi, just so I can finally be completely honest, but I also don't want to ruin the bond that we already have as friends.
I don't see my sexuality as a problem, I'm just the kind of person who likes to keep those things to myself.
I don't know what I should tell him.
   
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Re: I'm bi. How do I deal with my friends? - October 5th 2011, 07:27 AM

If you feel like it will make them uncomfortable, reveal a little at a time. They'll probably end up asking things on their own to a large degree, and it's up to you how much you want any given person to know. It might be easiest if you tell just the one or two that you're closest to, and let them know it isn't a secret. That way it's out there, but it's not like you're just putting it out there for everyone.
It's also important to decide how much their opinion is going to matter to you. If they don't like the fact that you're bi, you need to think about how important your sexuality is to your identity. If you feel like they are going to keep you from feeling comfortable, don't compromise! It's ok to remove yourself from the situation if that happens.
For the most part, there might be some shock if they really didn't see this in you, but your good friends will get over that.
   
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Re: I'm bi. How do I deal with my friends? - October 9th 2011, 10:35 PM

Well I say to just take things slow. One of my friends is very religious, and i just wrote her a note saying that i'm bi and she's completely cool with it even though her religion is against it. If you aren't comfortable, just wait til' life settles down for you.


"There wouldn't be a song called 'You Found Me' had God known'How to Save a Life.'"

"Concern yourself with only your matters." -E.A.W.


R.I.P. Tatyana Sawka June 20, 1998- April 9, 2012
R.I.P. Patch Herrmann January 29, 2000- Decmeber 6, 2012
   
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Re: I'm bi. How do I deal with my friends? - October 10th 2011, 01:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoon View Post
I don't see my sexuality as a problem, I'm just the kind of person who likes to keep those things to myself.
I've always believed in the innate soundness of most people's judgment, thanks for confirming this!

What am I about to say?

Right.

You've answered your own question here, you should tell him nothing, at least for the time being. And that 'Time' will be apparent to you when you feel safe enough and trusting enough with him to divulge this to him, not now when it's more emotional for you b/c you have these strong, crushing feelings. It sounds like the urge comes from the strength of the feelings you have towards him, rather than his ability to accept and appreciate what you're going to share.

You're more than your sexuality, and the feelings you have for him are more complex than mere 'crush'. Stay with those, enjoy what you have without the risk of changing it.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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