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Major Roommate Problem. - October 5th 2011, 10:11 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Okay, so this year I am a freshman student in college. I chose my roommate a few months ago because we were talking and it really seemed like we'd get along.

Our first week at school (and please don't tell me I'm stupid for this, I already know), I was date-raped in our room. It was VERY quiet, and my roommate and her boyfriend were both asleep in her bed across the room, which I could see from the angle I was sleeping at. Because of this, one of my triggers for the rape is seeing them sleeping in the room together.

I was diagnosed with PTSD. I reported the rape and am in the process of pressing judicial charges. I told my roommate what happened and that her boyfriend sleeping in the room seriously triggers me. She won't listen. At first I just didn't sleep in the room -- other people willing to let me crash, whatever. Then the past two nights I didn't have anywhere, so I slept in our room. I kept a pair of scissors in bed with me since the urge to harm myself (which I did after the rape) was so strong. Not only did I have major issues falling asleep (panic attacks for several hours, even before I entered the room), but staying asleep was even harder -- he snores, and he has a cold this week.

The snoring is also an aside problem. He has two roommates in a different dorm. They don't like him staying there since he snores so much, so my roommate "feels bad" and lets him sleep here. So I have to deal with his snoring on top of my anxiety.

Oh, and I told her yesterday that I wasn't cool with him sleeping over last night. I told her, "Dude, he's sick, he's snoring, and I can't sleep. I almost missed chem and when I took a nap later I slept straight through my physics class" (which actually did happen). I also said "HIM SLEEPING HERE DIRECTLY CAUSES MY ANXIETY." Her response?

"Well, he isn't feeling as sick, so his snoring shouldn't be too bad."

And now I'm on my second day without sleep.

Fuck this shit. Should I request a single at this point? And btw, It's 6:10am. The earliest I ever HAVE to be up is 7am for my 8am lectures/test block. I got so fed up from NOT being able to sleep that I'm now in the lounge of my dorm. I seriously need a hug and a good cry and a fucking nap.

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Re: Major Roommate Problem. - October 7th 2011, 08:58 PM

I don't really know why I'm responding to this, but I still care about you.

I know my dorm has a rule having to do with how often someone can sleep over. For us we can have someone sleep over no more than 7 nights a semester, and no more than two nights in a row or something like that. Now, they don't really care WHAT we do unless someone else has a problem with it. I assume you have some form of RA, so I'd look at your rules for wherever you live and if you have any rules like that then tell whoever can do something about it. For us, if we keep breaking that rule and it causes problems then that person can get kicked out of housing. The other thing you could do is like you said to request some sort of room change.

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Re: Major Roommate Problem. - October 8th 2011, 12:36 AM

I am so, so sorry to hear about what happened to you. If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. <3

I'm going to second what the previous poster said. At my university, we had RAs (Residential Advisors). They were older students who had to go through a rigorous selection system in order to become RAs. One RA lived in every dorm building, and at least one RA was available for overnight phone calls (a general number was given to all the freshmen during orientation week). I would talk to the RA for your building, as well as the university's residential life administrator (might also be called the "dean" for residential life, or something along those lines). Explain the situation, and ask if the RA and/or dean will join you in talking to your roommate about this problem. If the boyfriend comes over despite all of this, call the overnight phone number and have the RA tell the boyfriend to leave.

Normally, I would suggest talking to your roommate further (ex. asking her to sleep at her boyfriend's place instead)... but due to the callous way in which she has addressed your concerns, I'm guessing further discussion will be pointless.

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