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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Nomophobia Offline
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Question What should I do? - October 9th 2011, 05:10 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of substance use, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Ok, so my mum's bf smokes weed a lot, and since she has been with him, mum now has a bit occasionally. It really bothers me that they smoke it in the bedroom while my 10yr-old brother is either in bed or not around. Mum used to be against it :/
My questions are; would this bother you? and what should/could I do about it?
I thought about telling my nan, but i dont know what that will do other than make mum hate me and make nan argue with mum big time :/

blah, advice needed please x


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Re: What should I do? - October 9th 2011, 07:08 PM

People often ask if others would have the same reaction ("Be bothered"), which is really irrelevant, you feel what you feel, and most often, hearing others response doesn't change your feelings, that's not the way it works! So, you have to respond to those feelings in a way that brings some relief.

If your family value has been 'no pot', and you now find her using pot, it's a source of stress. Kids are security freaks, they really do like consistency, so when things change, it's often unsettling, regardless of the change itself. In this case, there are two changes: A new person/adult/male/boyfriend, and pot.

What you might do is find some time to gently talk with your mum about these changes and what they mean, why she's doing something that previously she was against, and taught you not to do. Then, gently point out to her the effects on you, and especially your sis.

Adults change, especially when they get involved with new people, they often adopt their lifestyle and behaviors. Often, this happens without much thought, but if you bring the effects of that action on you (and your sis) to her attention, she might be able to adjust accordingly.

As a P.S. I wouldn't go to nan just yet, that's just going to cause trouble, and an angry interchange btw'n she and you, which misses the opportunity of her hearing in a non accusatory way the effects of all this on you guys. and, the least amount of emotion here the better the chance of her recognition and change.


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