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jakeryan98 Offline
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i want to get away from my dad. - October 10th 2011, 12:17 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

my dad has a short temper, always has. he is also very precise. he cares deeply for stupid details, that dont even matter. then he gets mad at me or my brother or my sister. for example, today, i was at this music makers program, where they put you into bands, and after 2 months your band plays a live show. well today he flipped out when we were done about how much me and my brother suck at playing and we should stop altogether. my sister moved out when she was 17, and i cant blame her. my father hates her, but misses her. now, the only way she isnt even dead to him, the only way he can communicate in her life, is to use my moms phone to go on her facebook and see what shes been doing. he deserves what he has. i plan on leaving as soon as i finnish tidewater community college, then ill move to ghent so attend classes at old dominion university. but if my dad continues the way hes acting, ill overdose before then. hopefully when my older brother leaves (hes 14 he plans on leaving when hes 16 or 17) hell have learned his lesson, or just (hopefully) leave us. i love him, but i cant stand him. my friends think thats appaling, but its everyday life for me by now. when i go to a sleepover, i see their dads, and i cant believe how nice and caring they are. its like some wierd disney movie where i cant possibly see how in my friends 's lives they could have any worries at all, with the way their dads are. my mother wont stand for my talking about my dad behind his back, so i have nobody to talk to about it, until his site. help me.
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Dr.Bobby Offline
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Re: i want to get away from my dad. - October 10th 2011, 01:08 AM

hi Jake,

If your older bro is 14, you have to be maybe 13? or less?

I worry, because moving out isn't really an option, at least for a while. So, you have to come up with a way of at least coexisting with your dad for a few years, here's my thought.

First, talk with mom, but do it in a way so it's not 'complaining' or 'talking behind his back'. It's a subtle difference, but an important one. So, instead of saying " I hate dad, he's just so demanding", you might say, "Mom, I'm so depressed and upset all the time because I'm just so unhappy". See? It's talking more about your reaction rather than the cause, it's much easier for someone (like mom) to accept and not feel so challenged when you talk about yourself, how can anyone disagree with you talking about you, instead of him?

Also, consider talking with your guidance counselor, s/he might be able to intervene on your behalf and talk with your folks in a way they can accept and understand, and get you all the help you need.

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.

Last edited by Dr.Bobby; October 10th 2011 at 02:22 AM.
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KaoEd-Ran Offline
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Re: i want to get away from my dad. - October 19th 2011, 04:10 PM

i'm in a similar situation, if my dad wasn't as irrational as he was, i would cry about 85% less per month.
if you're not afraid of confrontation, try telling him that you need to talk to him and explain, in a gentle way, what he does to make you feel bad.
i'm terrified of confrontation and telling someone what is wrong with them, especially my dad, so i plan to wait it out and move out when i'm 18-20ish ^^

i understand where you're coming from, it's difficult when its dad who bothers you and you can't tell people about it, it'll work out :3
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SparklingWine Offline
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Re: i want to get away from my dad. - October 20th 2011, 10:49 PM

Hey there, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Unfortunately, your dad is the way he is..and I can't see that changing. Sometimes we have to accept people for who they are and cope with the way they are. You don't have to like or respect it, but you have to accept what you can't change. So when your dad begins to act like this, you need to find a way to shut him out. Of course listen to him because he is your dad, and you're still bound to him.. but try not to take his actions personally. You can't dwell on the things that make him the way he is. You can't dwell on his actions. You can't dwell on how he treats the family. The best thing to do is focus on how you react to your father. And work on making your life better. Don't let your happiness depend on your father. You'll never be happy that way.

Suicide is a serious feeling to have. I really don't think that's fair payback for the way your father treats you. Feeling guilt the rest of his life is a horrible thing to go through. Losing a child is a horrible thing to go through. No matter how horrible a person is, doesn't mean they deserve to lose people they're close to. Your dad is who he is. Don't give up your life just to prove a point. You have so much to live for. You're in college. You have a chance at life. Your father doesn't need to get in the way unless you let him. Keep living. You'll soon be out of his house, and you can start your life. Look forward to that.

I think you should communicate with your dad. Tell him how his actions make you feel. Tell him that he's pushing you and your siblings away. Also mention what you want to see change. Who knows, he may never chance. But he still could. He needs to know that his actions hurt you. Really really hurt you. Try to write him a letter. Leave it with him before school. It might open his eyes a bit. Another suggestion I have is to go see a guidance counselor at school once in a while. They're basically there for you to vent to. I suggest you utilize it. I feel like that could make you feel better. It's worth a shot right.

Try to hang in there. You'll be out of there in no time<3

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