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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 12th 2011, 11:41 PM

Hello.
One thing that i have noticed is that after a social situation ( talking to someone, go out or hang out with someone) i keep replaying on my mind what i said and didn't said, how i said and sometimes thinking that i shouldn't have said something or should have said it in a different way and i sometimes think about what to say for sometime and then when i decided to say it i regret it even when its not something bad but just regular conversations .
It can get me a bit down sometime after because i keep replaying it in my mind and im wondering if anyone else goes through the same every time?
   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 03:58 AM

I do the same thing. And then I beat myself up for saying all the wrong things
   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 10:54 AM

I also do this. I do this every single day. To be honest I am glad you posted this, I thought I was the only one who did this and thought that no one else would reply. But in answer to your question you are most definitely not the only one who replays social situations in your mind. I do it too!



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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 11:27 AM

Bubbles37, i do same. i replay it an then think "i shouldn't have said this or said this way" and feel bad about and then i realize that im just replaying it and makes me even worse.
SquidPid, not that i wish this or any worse situations to everybody, but it some what good to know that more people do this. Maybe everybody does and we just don't know it ( but maybe they don't do it to this extreme)

Here is what i try to do when this happens - i just think that the situations has already happen, i can't change any words i said or how i said and people didn't react bad, only i am and next time i won't say the thing that i planned to say.
   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 04:45 PM

I do this also.
I just try to move on and stop thinking about it, which is hard. But it always eventually fades, sometimes I just have to wait it out until I'm distracted enough by other things that I forget about it.
   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 05:49 PM

I do that too sometimes. I think it sucks more to think of what you could have said instead of what you should not have said. Because sometimes, I'll be in a crowd and later I'll be like "I would have been so much cooler if I said this! Damn!"

It happens to all of us. Maybe to help with that, just think before you talk more. But really, there are always going to be times where you wish you would or wouldn't have said anything.


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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 08:10 PM

Been there, done that. I wish I could tell you what exactly helped me get over this... but I think it depends on a number of things. Also, no matter how confident you are, you're going to have these moments from time to time... so keep that in mind. =)

First, stop holding yourself to an impossibly high standard. We can be so hard on ourselves, because we believe we are in complete control of our words and actions. Well, yes and no. Yes, we can control ourselves, but we also do a lot of things automatically or without really thinking about it. You can't monitor what you say and do 24/7 when interacting with other people. If you tried to do that, you'd be distracted and unable to concentrate on the conversation at hand. As a result, you're bound to say and do things from time to time that you wish you could have said or done differently. It's normal, and since it's normal, it's something you can accept and even embrace. No one is perfect.

Which leads to my second point. You are NOT the only one who feels this way! We often hesitate to show our insecurities to others, so we put on a mask of confidence and unintentionally fool others into thinking we're above such thoughts. We're not. No one is. The class president isn't, your parents aren't, your role model or hero isn't... we all mentally kick ourselves in the butt from time to time.

Lastly, once I recognized that I was being too hard on myself, and once I recognized that everyone feels this way, I had to convince myself that the only opinion that mattered was my own. That's easier said than done. After all, you're trying to win the approval of others when you meet them, so in your mind, their opinions mean a great deal! In the grand scheme of things, though, they don't. "The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind." While it's important to make a good first impression, what you say and do afterward shouldn't be so meticulously scrutinized. If other people are picking apart every little thing you say and do, then they're not worth the trouble. The people who ARE worth the trouble see you as a whole person, and won't judge you by the small things. They want to see the big picture, and if they like what they see, they're not going to give any of this a second thought. They probably don't even give it a "first" thought... and if they're not thinking about it, why should you?

This really is something that takes a long time to get over. It requires an active effort on your part, constantly catching yourself and re-thinking the situation whenever you start to go into that downward spiral. Once you've managed to break the cycle, though, you'll find that life is SO much more enjoyable. <3 So to everyone who's reading this, good luck and hang in there!






   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 13th 2011, 08:18 PM

I do this every day too. I feel it's my way of processing things. I find that it helps me recall things that happen that may come up in future situations. I think it's completely normal, a lot of the time I talk to myself outloud about it too.


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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 16th 2011, 11:03 PM

I didn't know that a lot more people experienced this. Like Woo! Imagination xD pointed out, its probably a way of processing and i have considered that before but its just hard that every time there is a social situation i end up regretting every move or word i say and analyze everything after, it ruins a bit of the memory.
   
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Re: I keep replaying social situations on my mind - October 18th 2011, 07:20 PM

Sometimes, and usually only with people that matter to me slightly more than others, yes. But not with people I hardly give a shit for, like random pedestrians, or people I'm very confident around, such as long-term friends.

Generally, rarely.


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