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Evanesco Offline
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Why did my mum do this? - October 14th 2011, 08:20 PM

I spoke to someone from CAMHS today about my suicide attempt and my mum was in the room. It was nice because we managed to talk together and figure some stuff out and we normally don't talk much.

But I found out that although I can only remember stuff starting five years ago, it turns out my mum has known I've had issues for nine years. Why did she never bring it up with me? I mean, I was 8 or 9. I wasn't hard to speak to. Why did she leave me to deal with it on my own?


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Re: Why did my mum do this? - October 14th 2011, 08:44 PM

What kinds of issues did your mom know about? Some parents feel that if they address a problem, it'll make things worse. They hope that by ignoring it, the problem will go away. Obviously, that's not a good approach to take when you know for certain that your child is contemplating suicide... but if your mom only knew that you were depressed, she might have thought it would be better if she didn't bring it up and force you to dwell upon how sad you were feeling. Maybe she thought it was "typical girl drama" or "hormones", and by the time she realized things were far worse than that, she was too ashamed to admit she knew anything. Whatever the case may be, I'm glad that you can finally talk to your mom about what's going on. See if she's willing to support you now. =)






   
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Re: Why did my mum do this? - October 14th 2011, 09:04 PM

Thanks.

She is willing to support me now, we have a much better relationship.

She knew about my mood swings and she knew I had issues with food.


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Re: Why did my mum do this? - October 14th 2011, 11:01 PM

Hi Hester,

Yes, it is very good that you've done this now! And, its especially good that it felt so right. Stay with those components, the important thing is that you're where you need to be now, your mum knows and is working with you to feel better and right this.

Part of the work with mum might be to explore with her the choice she made to not respond earlier. But, don't let that get in the way of her choice to be supportive now. What she did then isn't nearly as relevant as what she's doing now.


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Re: Why did my mum do this? - October 15th 2011, 04:36 AM

Whatever her reasons for not discussing the issues you had years ago with you, there is an upside to it. Some parents have no clue what's going on or convince themselves nothing is wrong with the child and try to forget about it. Your mother was different in that she knew what was going on, was concerned and caring.

This has a second implication as well: your mother can support you because it's not a big surprise to her so she won't be running around frantically like a decapitated chicken shrieking, "oh no, oh no, my baby is suicidal, what do I do, AAAAHHHHH ROHBEROIRIORH [speaking in tongues]!?!?!?" *tears out of her body to reveal she's a 24-foot alien*. Hmm, looks like I got a bit carried away. Point is, she'll be there for you and any therapy you get directly benefits you but indirectly benefits her because she can be able to discuss these issues with you rather than holding back.


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Re: Why did my mum do this? - October 15th 2011, 06:22 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man And XX Master View Post
This has a second implication as well: your mother can support you because it's not a big surprise to her so she won't be running around frantically like a decapitated chicken shrieking, "oh no, oh no, my baby is suicidal, what do I do, AAAAHHHHH ROHBEROIRIORH [speaking in tongues]!?!?!?" *tears out of her body to reveal she's a 24-foot alien*. Hmm, looks like I got a bit carried away. Point is, she'll be there for you and any therapy you get directly benefits you but indirectly benefits her because she can be able to discuss these issues with you rather than holding back.
That's actually a lot of help. I hadn't thought of it in that way. Thank you.


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Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless.
RIP Granddad Terry. I'll miss you.
   
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