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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
EmilyLottie Offline
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Name: Emily
Age: 26
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Join Date: October 27th 2011

Unhappy My alcoholic parents are damaging themselves, each other and me - October 27th 2011, 09:53 PM

My mum has just recently recovered from cancer. But there is every possibility that it could return and the second time round would be harder to cure. She is weak and prone to illness because her immune system is so low.

So yeah- my mums health worries me a lot. But she doesn't do herself any favours. She is an alcoholic but is in denial. Although she only drinks half a bottle of wine a night (probably a meagre amount in comparison to other people), this daily routine is enough to trigger off a kind of switch in her brain. She becomes hostile, argumentative and every evening ends in slamming doors, tears and sobbing. I can see that she is severely depressed and i don't know how i can help her. She tells us she hates us and I feel like screaming at her but then feel so much guilt because I know she just feels like no one understands what she is going through. I don't know how to deal with the situation.

So thats my mum. My dad is also an alcoholic (it seems to run in the family :/ ) He is overweight and our local doctor recently put him on a diet plan because we were all concerned for his health. This diet includes cutting out all alcohol. He gets very obsessive with things- he goes out cycling all night in the dark. When he gets home he is usually injured, bleeding, scuffed. I can tell he's had a lot to drink. We had all thought he'd given it up, but now he uses the excercise as an excuse to get off his face.

He gets violent, abusive, hostile. Starts pacing around the house, laughing manically, talking in jibberish. If anyone intervenes, it all ends in violence. Usually directed at my mother. Sometimes the police have been called. Sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of bruises over my mother's stomach or back. I've grown up watching this kind of behaiviour all my life so I'm used to it, but it still scares me and hurts me deeply.

I just wish I could tell my parents how much they are damaging me. I'm always worrying about them. They don't seem to realise how their actions are not only hurting their own bodies but me also. Is it normal for a teenager to have to put up with so much from their parents? Is there anyone who can help them as well as me?

Is anyone else going through similar problems with their parents?
It would really help me to know I'm not alone.

Last edited by EmilyLottie; October 27th 2011 at 10:36 PM.
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Kate* Offline
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Re: My alcoholic parents are damaging themselves, each other and me - October 28th 2011, 01:32 AM

Hey Emily, I'm sorry you're having to go through so much I can't even imagine what that must be like. To answer your question it is not normal for a teenager to have to deal with a situation like yours, but you are not alone. I have a few suggestions, is there anyone else in your extended family that you can speak to about trying to get your family some help or anyone else you can stay with if you ever decide to leave their home? Whether or not your parents get help for their alcoholism is up to them, but there is also a program called alanon/alateen for family members of people with drinking problems and they are established in the UK. Take a look at this.


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Re: My alcoholic parents are damaging themselves, each other and me - October 28th 2011, 06:36 PM

My dad is an alcoholic and has been since I was about 9 /10 years old, (I am now 21). Like yours my dad also gets angry and abusive. The best advice I can give you is this : Do not buy either them of alcohol. I have made this mistake with my dad and yes my dad does accept me more for it - sometimes it feels like the only way to get his approval is to do this, but it does not help in the long run. If anything it makes them think you will always buy them beer which you won't. Also buying them beer fills me with regret and then makes me feel as though I have fuelled his anger and his abusiveness towards me.
Also I have often found there is never a 'right moment to talk to them' . Though a couple of weeks ago me and my dad had a proper yelling match and words got exchanged that I usually would not have said. I'm not saying to go yell at your mum and dad because it won't help, but sometimes in the heat of the moment when you are arguing things get said that you have been meaning to say for a long time and they are said in anger, sometimes this has the effect you want and other times it does not, but usually either way it just makes everything feel worse.
The other thing to do is to tell someone. Theres a site I use. I will Pm you the site if you want ? .

My parents don't have cancer, but they both drink, dad drinks more and drinks every night a-lot. Mum will just drink a couple of glasses a night. But you are not alone as I live with an alcoholic as-well.Also another thing that has helped me is taking up karate - sounds strange I know but it does help me to get rid of pent up anger and get me out of the house as-well . give it a go.

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alcoholic, cancer, damaging, depression in a parent, domestic violence, parents, parents fighting, violence

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