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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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rockstar9 Offline
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Question Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 10th 2011, 03:04 AM

Ok so back in May my "best friend" started seeing this guy and it was her 1st relationship so i was happy for her until i found out her bf was a man-whore. so i decided to be the responsible friend and confront her on this and she said that she knew all along and was completely fine with it so i let it go but i was still concerned. then about a month later he started fooling around with this other girl and they "separated" and she wanted to still be with him but he didn't feel the same. i didn't want to say i told u so but i sure as hell felt like it. then after 1 day she decided to give him another chance but as friends only. i was fine with this until i started seeing less and less of her and when im around the 2 of them and his friend, i feel really annoyed cuz they abuse her ALL the time and i told her that it affects me as well cuz then my depression flares up and i go insane. as a result of me telling her that i miss her as a friend and i cant handle her ex and his friend, she ignores me and only talks to me when her ex is playing ping pong at lunch but only for a brief moment and then she goes watches him. im just about ready to tell her that i no longer see her as my "best friend" and say that there is no point in trying to look desperate to get her bf back if he doesn't like her back and still fools around with multiple girls at the same time. i feel like i completely lost my friend to a jerk and i don't know if i can put anymore effort in our relationship. any advice?
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Re: Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 10th 2011, 04:40 AM

I'm sorry that you're losing your best friend over this. I'm a little confused as to the last half of your story though. It sounds like you're really being a really great friend to her: telling her the truth even though she may not want to hear it. That takes a lot of courage- and accepting her decision is even braver. You sound like a really great friend!

What confuses me is when you said they abuse her all the time. How do they abuse her? It sounds like you've really confronted her with how you feel, and she doesn't seem to be responsive. Try to see things from her perspective. This was her first relationship, so she's probably still under some impression that they could possibly get back together. He might be flirting with her, which will only make things worse.

If she doesn't want to move on, as her friend, there's really nothing else you can do. You can try to point out that he's not into her, or try to take her out to the mall on weekends, or keep her busy so she's not thinking about him all the time. But if she's refusing to spend any time with you and spending all her time with him, then there's unfortunately nothing else you can really do. This is something she's going to have to come around to on her own.

Hope this helps!!

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Re: Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 10th 2011, 05:27 AM

Your best friend found a guy who she likes. It's fine to tell her your opinion of him and give any concerns, however, dumping her because she's with some guy you don't like is unreasonable. It may affect you emotionally but that's no reason why she should leave the guy. Friends have different likes and dislikes, this is one of them, so if you cannot get over this without wanting to break the relationship, then you're going to have trouble with future friends and best friends. As you said, it's her first relationship, she's loving it like an euphoric substance.

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Re: Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 10th 2011, 05:13 PM

what i mean by abuse is basically its taking playground bullying to a far beyond extreme level, i.e.: at one point they tackled her to the ground like in football and started biting her leaving marks and some bruises..... i will let them do whatever they want with their relationship but does she really have to ignore me when i haven't done anything wrong? and its not just me she's ignoring, its basically our whole little group and she's focusing ALL her attention to a guy who told her he wont get back together with her and his jerk friend who acts like a 2nd grader with no respect
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Re: Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 11th 2011, 03:51 PM

You're friend is in this relationship that you don't approve of. Now she barely talks to you because she is always with him. Yet he abuses her. And right now, you're thinking that you can't handle the situation, so you want to back out? That's your call. You have to decide if this friendship is worth the headache. But before making a decision as big as to drop your friend, I would talk to her. Tell her everything on your mind. Try to get her away from her boyfriend long enough for you to have that talk. that way she is thinking more clearly. But don't make her choose between you and him.. because she will be torn, end up resenting you, and probably choose her boyfriend. Help her figure ways to balance her friendship and relationship. If she still doesn't make changes, then slowly distance yourself from her. If she asks why, be honest and tell her. Eventually she will learn that this guy isn't right for her. But unfortunately, you won't get her to see it. She has to see it for herself.

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Re: Im in need of "best friend" advice ASAP - November 19th 2011, 10:33 PM

Hi All,
Bullying is never all right people should never have to go thought been bullied waht so every
if you are been bullied and would like some help or advice please talk to some one on hear or go to www.cybermentors.org.uk and we have some very helpful cybermentors and counsellors we also have mentors who are trained in LGBT online from 8am till 2am every day all year round.

take care all
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