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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Olive, always Offline
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Oh dear. - March 23rd 2009, 03:42 PM

Oh my goodness!
Okay. So, my parents had a breakdown in themselves this past weekend. It was difficult, especially because of my mom's mental state, and my dad's too (they both suffer from psychiatric conditions including depression and a condition which requires the use of anti-psychotics).

And my mom told me I have to take care of my sister. Oh. My. Good. Lord. That would be noooo problem if my 15 year-old sister were an angel. However, she's not. Just a little recap on the past two years:
  • Talking to 20 year-old guy via MySpace and planning to meet up in real life.
  • Sexual harassment case at school. (where she was the victim)
  • Hooking up (making out) with near-strangers behind my parents' backs at her friend's house.
She is a good person. Just a little mixed up, do you know what I mean? I care about her and everything - but I have my own issues (including depression and anxiety + school to worry about). I'm just ripping my hair out at this point from frustration.

I mean, any suggestions? I'm planning to spend most of Spring Break at my friend's house if possible..(but then leave my sister to her own devices?). I don't know.

Talk to her like an equal and force her to grow up a little?


=P
   
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Re: Oh dear. - March 23rd 2009, 04:51 PM

This must be a very difficult situation for you, because you must feel kind of torn between doing whats best for your sister but at the same time needing to do whats right for you too, to keep yourself calm and happy in your own life.
Although you cannot be responsible for your sisters own decisions and actions, I think there are a few ways in which you could prehaps help her..
Try talking to her about what shes done and the reasons behind these things and how she feels, try to get her to open up as much as possible about her feelings. By becoming rebellious and reckless, this could be her way of expressing angry, uncontrollable emotions that she has built up inside of her and it would do her alot of good to be able to express these feelings in a different way, such as a talk with someone she feels she can trust.
Make suggestions of other things that she could be doing with her time to keep herself busy and to help make her feel good about herself too. Things like voluntry work, fun outdoor activities, social events are all ways of keeping your mind distracted and also can do alot of good for your self-esteem and confidence. Maybe you two could spend some quality time together doing things that you both find fun =]
Try telling her that when she does the things she does, its very upsetting for you and your family because you really care about her and want to see her respecting herself and looking after herself properly. Tell her that the last thing you want to see is her to get hurt..and you'd really like her to think before she acts, for her own sake just as much as you and your familys.
Ultimately, you need to make sure you're feeling okay too and if spending time at your friends house is what you want to do, I think you should go ahead with this, but if you think that this could prehaps result in your sister doing more things similar to what has happened in the past, consider waiting a few days before you go to your friends house, to speak to your sister and spend some time with her, try to be there for each other as much as possible because you'll probably find that you can relate to what the other is going through if you can open up about your feelings.
Theres only so much you can do for someone else, and ultimately they have to make their own decisions when it comes to doing the right thing...just try your best with your sister and keep in mind that you need to take alot of care of yourself aswell. Try to be there for each other, maybe you can help her and she can also help you in return. I really hope that everything will be okay for you =]

Michie <33


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Last edited by Michii_<3; March 23rd 2009 at 06:08 PM.
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Strider Offline
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Re: Oh dear. - March 23rd 2009, 09:35 PM

Hi there,

It is a big responsibility to take care of a sibling, no matter what age they are, but your sister is 15 and can take care of herself for the most part. But it does sound like she needs a little guidance.

I think it's important that you and your parents lay down some ground rules that your sister will have to follow while you're watching her. Having your parents give a say in this might make it more authoritative. Also, plan to spend some time with your sister! The more time she is with you, the less trouble she can get into. You don't need to be overprotective about this, but just plan some activities you two could do and just hang out. It could even be some bonding time for you both.

Overall, your parents can't expect you to have complete authority and responsibility over your sister. You are still 16 and not an adult yet. If you think that this might be out of your hands, maybe you can have an older relative or friend's parent to drop by and see how you're doing. But I think you're being very responsible about this and it sounds like you can handle it.

I hope this goes well for you.
Nat.


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