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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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TheQuietGirl Offline
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Unhappy When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 12:45 AM

I wasn't sure where to put this, but since it deals with friends I figured it would go here.

So I like to be that happy-go-lucky person where I don't care about what others thinks. But yeah, that doesn't work to well for me.

I'm *really* sensitive to what others think of me. I try not to be, but I am.

And my friends will joke and call me "stupid" or "slow" and whenever even people I know are trying to hurt me call me ugly and stuff.. It hurts. My one friend called me "highlarious" like I'm high? Alright, especially NOW when I've had a concussion for 8 weeks and I'm feeling horrible, that really hurt. And yeah, I am happy all of the time, and I don't get high. So I don't see how that's at all funny.. And at first I didn't get it so I was happy at the compliment and thanked him. Then I realized and now I just feel like an idiot.

I try to shrug this off, but it's really hard.. I just get offended too easily.. What do I do with this?


   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 04:17 AM

Any ideas?


   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 02:30 PM

I am too.
Plus, my best friend behaves differently when she is with other people and I don't know if she's faking with me or she just wants to sound cooler with her other friends.
I told you that because I always meet her (let's call her A) and one of my other friends (let's call her B) on Saturday night every week and they always call me loser.
It started in september because we were drawing with a pen that only worked with them and when I tried to use it... it ran out of paint.

One month ago we were making frames with paper (I know it's stupid, but it was funny).
B asked A to draw the rectangular shape for her because she didn't want to. A immediately did that. When I asked her to do that for me too she just said "no, do it yourself loser". They started laughing. I tried to play along because I was afraid of sounding lame, but I was really hurt.
I was hurt because she never behaved that way before and I couldn't believe that she would do something like this to me just because she wanted to sound cool.

I hate when she behaves that way.
Usually I play along and fake laughs, but it makes you feel worse.
I don't have suggestions for you, just know that you're not the only one that has thins kind of problems.

Maybe you should tell them that you feel annoyed when they tell you these things. If they are true friends they'll understand.


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the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.
   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 03:15 PM

Your friend sounds a lot like a friend I had a few years ago.

The thing is, with this particular friend, I HAVE told her what she says hurts. She told me that I laugh it off so it's okay, and I need to learn to be less sensitive. She also laughs when people make fun of me and I can't take it..

I do laugh sometimes, but can't they see it's fake?


   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 03:37 PM

To me, It's not like you're being too sensitive. These are your friends. They shouldn't be saying these type of things about you or to you. Especially when you tell them that it hurts. In my opinion, I think you should stop pretending to be okay with it, and stop laughing it off. Because to you, it isn't funny. I would talk to your friends again. Tell them to stop making comments about you and to you, because it does hurt. And when they make comments like that, actually show that it hurts. They simply won't stop putting you down if you just sit there and laugh it off. Because they aren't mind readers, what they see is they're joking around and you can take the joke. You can't expect them to just KNOW you're faking a smile. Some people can see past a fake smile, but seemingly they can't. But fact is, you're hurt by their words. Understandably. Show it though. It won't stop unless they know how it truly makes you feel.


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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 11th 2011, 04:18 PM

Okay.. Usually for me it's either "Laugh or cry" so I go with the laugh.

A few years ago I really let this one guy know that I was not okay with the way he was talking to me.. Everybody looked at me like I was crazy and told me to quit being so serious and ruining their fun. But I don't stand for sexist pig jokes about me.


   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 15th 2011, 07:33 AM

I know it's really hard to make new friends, but the way you're making things seem... you might want to start looking for new friends. Unfortunately, there are people in this world (your friends included) whose version of fun is to make fun/tease one another. It seems like you're going to have to get thick skin and take their insults/throw some back because this is simply how your group works, and I can't really see things changing even with a serious talk with them. I know because I used to be like this, and still am. I've developed thick skin, and my friends have too. You simply have to be able to take harsh jokes in some groups. There are so many other people though whose version of fun is actually having a good time, so just chill with them? If it really hurts you, then please don't chill with them okay?


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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 15th 2011, 10:33 PM

I had this same problem. My friend and I aren't friends anymore because our communication was off and we looked at things differently. Confront her about it and if she doesn't stop then maybe she isn't a good friend.


"My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return. "
   
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Re: When friend-teasing goes too far? - November 18th 2011, 01:12 AM

Like Lynds said, stop laughing it off. It might be easier to do at the time, but you're giving your friends the impression that you're okay with it. Let them know that it's hurtful whenever they do it, so they know you're serious. If they don't back off, they aren't being good friends at all. You aren't oversensitive, they should be respecting your feelings. Real friends shouldn't be intentionally hurting you. Keep your chin up, and don't let their teasing get to you <3
   
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