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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
VoodooGirl Offline
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Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 11th 2011, 11:02 PM

I've become part of a big group of friends sort of, I say sort of cause right now it kinda feels like I'm not really a part of it. Anyways one of my friends is on the football team, there have been talk of making plans all week about hanging out after the final game. So today I really wanted to go to the actual game, and no after plans were finalized. The whole day I was basically complaining about how I wanted to go but nobody was going, and some of my friends were just like 'why do you even want to go you dont like football' and teasing me that I just wanted to go to see this hot guy. Now I found out that one of those people actually did go to the game, and he's supposed to be one of my really good friends, and he never said anything about him going. I also found out that a whole bunch of people were hanging out afterwards. My friend on the team wondered why I wasn't there, then apologized when I said nobody told me, and said he would've told me but he was busy you know...playing football. Which I totally understand. What I dont understand is why the rest of them didn't tell me, especially my best friend who happened to be a part of these plans.

Do I have a right to be pissed off?

It's just not the first time I have been left out of plans, and it sort of feels like I'm not really a part of this group.

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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 12th 2011, 01:53 PM

yes, you completely have the right to be pissed off.
It's horrible when people you treat like friends treat you like crap.

If I were you, I would shout at them like I never did before, saying horrible things, but I think you should find a better way to express your feeling. I do that because I react without thinking before talking. I'm really impulsive. Not good most of the time.

You have to talk to them and ask why they leave you by yourself most of the time.

I have had this kind of experience more than once in my life and it first happened when I was 9. I've been left out of groups for the whole 3 years of middle school and now I am always afraid when I see people leaving me alone even just for 5 minutes. I am afraid they don't like me or they don't want me.

The first time that it happenen (9-year-old me) I told my friend that I couldn't stand her because she always made fun of me and left me alone when we were with other people she knew. She immediately denied that. Every time I tried to tell her that she wasn't treating me right, she denied everything. At 11 I had come to a point where I was so pissed off that I told her "fuck you! Never come back to me!". She had the courage to deny it all again. I had never spoken again to the person I considered my best friend.

The point is.
You can tell them, but if they deny everything (even though they shouldn't because they are much older than the girl I knew) I would just leave them.
I know it's a horrible thing to say because they are your friends, but there's no other way in my opinion. If you keep on standing by their side, I guess they'll keep on leaving you out of the group.

wait for other responses before doing what I told you. This is what I would do, because I'd rather be alone than have fake friends.
Do that just if you think it's the right thing to do. Don't do that just because I told you.

the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, as maladapted to your surroundings as a seal on a beach—lumbering, clumsy, easily distracted, huddled in the company of other misfits, unable to recognize the ambient roar of your intended habitat, in which you’d be fluidly, brilliantly, effortlessly at home.

Last edited by Haunted; November 12th 2011 at 02:08 PM.
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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 12th 2011, 04:58 PM

Basically they threw you back, but plans do change, and maybe they didn't even have a plan to meet each other there at all, and just showed up to support your friend who is in football.

At the same time though, you do have a right to be angry, but you shouldn't worry about it too much.

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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 12th 2011, 05:41 PM

If I were you, I would be pissed off. They don't really sound like a great group of friends, since they decided to leave you out of the plans. I would ask them what happened, because if you were complaining about not being able to go with anyone, and they were going, and didn't tell you, something must be up. Friends don't do that to one another. And if they deny what they did, then I wouldn't even give them a second thought. They aren't true friends, and that's the only kind that you should be surrounding yourself with.

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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 12th 2011, 05:55 PM

I'd be pretty pissed off if I was you. If you complained about how you wanted to go in front of all your friends and they even acknowledged the fact that you were complaining about it and then went to the game and hung out afterwards without giving any thought to inviting you along then you've got every right to be pissed off. Even if it was last minute plans, I'd think they'd have at least thought to invite you.

I'd talk to them about it, ask why they all went and didn't think to invite you considering you wanted to go and made it pretty obvious you did by complaining about it to them.
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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 12th 2011, 06:33 PM

Yeahh I think you should definitely talk to them about them. Because the same thing happened to my friends a couple of months ago but I kept it in and snapped a couple days later. And it didn't go well we aren't friends anymore. Basically I would just bring it up casually don't just accuse them of not inviting you. But let them make an excuse up. And figure out if its reasonable.

And then you have to make a hard decision on whether you want to be their friends after this or loose them all. I have to say loosing my best friends definitely suck. But being treated like that hurts worse. But if this is the first time anything like this has happened maybe give them another chance but i wouldn't let it happen again, if it does I think you should definitely drop them.
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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 13th 2011, 04:54 AM

I can definitely see why you're upset about it. Have you talked to them about the situation? If you haven't, have a calm conversation with the people in the group that you consider your closest friends. Try to avoid accusatory statements as much as possible. Simply tell them how their behavior made you feel and ask them if there was a reason for it. Then, keep an eye out. If it happens again, it might be time to start looking for new friends. If it doesn't, then take it as an honest mistake and move on from it.

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Re: Do I have a right to be pissed off? - November 14th 2011, 02:52 AM

Well apparently they didn't go to the actual game. So that makes me feel better. And my best friend explained that she thought I'd be at the game so I would end up coming afterwards. So it's all good. Thank you guys though.

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