Question for guys/men

[emerson]

I hope this is the right section of the forums- it's a question about friendship, so, I couldn't think of a better place to put it. But it's quite a general question.

Do teenage boys and men prefer female friends who are attractive/pretty/beautiful, or do looks only matter with girlfriends?

[Carpe Diem]

I can't say it doesn't, most teenagers will prefer a 'good looking' girl over the other in regards to any kind of relationship. You're question, like you said, is very general though and I'd also like to add that there's also many other factors that might come into play as well such as same tastes, and how often you guys see each other.

[emerson]

Thanks for your response!

Anyone else have thoughts on this? If an ugly girl (why not be blunt) wants to befriend a good-looking (but not outrageously beautiful) boy... is that a hopeless situation? Even if their temperaments and tastes are similar? Or is it just an unlikely situation? Is it acceptable for the girl to initiate conversations, or should she let the boy be unless he shows obvious interest?

[JKmadu619]

Honestly whatever you feel is right. Humans are designed with auto-pilot. Don't overthink it and just do what needs to be done. If you feel like you want to say something, do it. If you feel like you don't, then don't.

Also, ugly/pretty/appearance is completely subjective. Some people like red hair, others hate it. There really isn't a guidebook on this, it's just opinion. Basically someone may feel they are ugly when to someone else they are not.

Anyhow, in any potential relationship (romantic, friendly, etc.) I seek like-minded individuals, not people who are attractive. Romantically I don't think I could be involved in a 80-year-old one-eyed bearded woman, but within "normal" standards I don't care.

- Justin

[Carpe Diem]

Its not out of the question, especially since you're looking for a friendship. That is a thousand times easier to achieve. You shouldn't be afraid of how to befriend someone; simply be friendly and 'chill' with him. I know it can seem hard to just start hanging out with him so maybe if I were you I'd look for possible connections... such as: do you guys have any mutual friends? Can he tutor you in anything? etc. The only thing I'd suggest is to be careful how far you take it since some guys might think you're flirting with them, but otherwise just act as if you were with your girlfriends and if he's open to others you should be okay!

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

For me, girlfriends have to be pretty good-looking, otherwise there's almost no chance I'm going to bother with them, mostly because my girlfriend relationships tend to be brief and sexually-based. On the other hand, female friends need not be good-looking but there has to be a reason why I befriend them. Usually they have some use to me more than simply common interests, as I can go anywhere and find a female with similar interests. If they have no value to me, then I'll befriend them if they have a personality that I like.

That said, even though I'm not focused on female friends who are very good-looking, if she makes a blue oyster look pretty and smells worse than dog shit, then she better be very useful to me in order for me to bother with her. By uses, I mean help me with academic marks, obtain money or items in a certain way, or be a stepping-stone to getting someone else. Other guys may not take someone's usefulness into consideration when befriending them so my answer may not be that representative.

One of the most important things in every conversation is body language and facial expressions, not just of his but of yours. If you want him to think a certain thing, you'd have verbally express that as well as behave accordingly. Likewise, when he says something, watch how he behaves as well as how he reacts when you say/do something. Unless you have good control over them (from my experience many people don't), it becomes a source of information that can reveal many interesting things in relation to what he says. It's ideal if a third person can watch him react while you talk but you can still do it by yourself.

For initiating the conversation, usually it doesn't matter all that much unless the guy wants to feel superior and may have a stick up his ass. The only thing to be aware of is if you initiate the conversation and it quickly becomes intimate, then the guy may spread a rumour around that you're very easy to get because they'd view it as strong flirting. Unless it's going to immediately be a sexual or physical relationship, make some connections, such as tutoring, playing the same video game (which is pretty uncommon), liking the same cartoons, having the same sense of dark humour, liking/disliking the same courses, going to the gym together, etc... .

Trying to enter the guy's social circle isn't always going to be easy so don't try that right away, instead focus on him. His friends may get jealous or not like you so you'll have to compete with them. For me, that would be one point when the mind games begin.

I may be the odd one out by saying this, I would find it fun to have a girlfriend who was able to manipulate people much better than I can and I rarely have been duped by someone. It may be viewed as unhealthy but to me it would be exciting, especially if she was good-looking and interested in a sexual relationship.