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fullofsecrets Offline
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How to help my sister - November 20th 2011, 10:37 PM

So my sister is seventeen, three years younger than me. She is very smart in school, but she is a very mean person. She curses at all of her friends constantly, and I've even heard her threaten them. "You better do this for me, bitch, or you'll regret it." My parents are pretty old, 58 and 59, so they pretty much give in to whatever they want and can't really punish her.

My mom has had surgery because of her hernia recently and has bad back and knee problems, making it difficult for her to climb stairs. If she says no to driving my sister somewhere (she still drives to the store for groceries, but it causes her a lot of pain) my sister will slap my mom. Not that hard, but she still slaps or pinches her. Again, not to leave a mark, but isn't that abusive?

When I got home from college and was unpacking my suitcase for Thanksgiving break, I was humming Disney songs to myself. She came to the doorway and told me to stop acting like a little baby. I ignored her, until she screamed at me to stop singing. I still ignored her, and she got angry and came up to me and started punching and scratching my arms. My parents said, "That's just the way she is" and refused to do anything about it. My mom has secretly confessed to me that she can't wait until my sister goes away to college and gets out of the house, but my sister has said that she might not go to college and just stay home and live off my parent's money. My parents act like they can't do anything about her behavior. My Dad just says he's too old to put up with her nonsense, and my mom's too sick.

It's really embarrassing to me because I see my friends who have brothers and sisters come visit them at college and they're so close and when my sister came up to see me (my parents made her come with me to help me move into my apartment) all she did was whine and complain. It was really embarrassing. I hate how she treats everyone so rudely, cursing at her friends and family, and then when she's at school she acts like an angel for her teachers. She's so two-faced I hate it. I really want to have a nice sister who I can be close with and have fun with...but I don't. I just really don't know what to do for her.

I was considering calling the Maury show, and I've discussed it with my parents but they said that would be too embarrassing. I've considered calling the police on my sister when she's hit me, but she doesn't usually leave bruises and I don't want to separate my family like that. Is there any advice anyone can give me on what to do?

Thanks in advance.

Last edited by fullofsecrets; November 21st 2011 at 10:13 PM.
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Re: How to help my sister - November 21st 2011, 07:51 AM

Tell her exactly how you feel, don't hold back on any of your feelings. If you think she acts like a "bitch", then say so! Don't use euphemisms and "weenie words" to avoid offending her. If she is acting this badly then she really needs to learn a lesson and act like a member of society.

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Re: How to help my sister - November 22nd 2011, 02:40 AM

Honestly, I'd slap some sense into her. lol She seems impossible.
But, she is only human. So, give her a taste of her own medicine. Show her how she acts. I bet she won't like it. haha

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Re: How to help my sister - November 22nd 2011, 06:04 AM

She seems to be a spoiled rotten brat who thinks she can get her way because people haven't effectively regulated her behaviour. Normally I'd say the parents need to get their heads out of their asses but in this case, that would be inappropriate because your parents do see the problem and cannot provide the necessary regulation as a result of their health. By regulate I mean a shot gun blast to the ass, a solid kick to the head, or whatever other metaphor for laying down your foot and forcefully standing your ground when she opposes. Tell her how you feel about her, use as many swear words and hurtful comments you feel necessary to make your point without censoring yourself to avoid hurting her feelings.

If I were in your shoes, when she hit me I wouldn't hit back right away. Normally I try to talk people down but failing that I dodge or grab their arm/fist/leg/knee that they're hitting me with and apply certain techniques I've learned throughout the years of martial arts training and few years of teaching self-defense. These would mostly be joint locks that are quite painful and can cause severe damage if I apply additional force (which I don't do) or if they struggle and wrench their bodies, so to avoid damage, they have to calm down.

If you know such techniques, then use them. If not, try to dodge her or simply grab her arms when she threatens to hit you, indicating you're not going to take her physical abuse. Hopefully you're stronger than she is and can out-muscle her. Encourage her to go to college so she can benefit herself and so your parents won't have to put up with her crap. I can think of some ways to do this, although they're not moral and probably not legal. Perhaps your friends can be of assistance if you tell them the situation your parents are in. Your sister is physically assaulting your parents and you but if there's no visible marks, there's not much you can do unless you catch her on camera. However, even then it may be dismissed as brat-like behaviour.

Point is, the way you overcome someone who is manipulative and aggressive is to get someone else (or become someone else) who is more manipulative and can handle your sister's aggression by being more aggressive. It almost seems like you'd be tossing fuel to the fire but from my personal experience, you can get rid of the small fire using a larger fire.

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Re: How to help my sister - November 23rd 2011, 05:42 AM

Thank you, that was very helpful. I will definitely look into your advice. She actually just scored 2200 on the SAT!! (honestly, no clue how) So she will definitely get a good scholarship and hopefully be able to be able to get a good ride to college on that. Hopefully when she is away from the family she'll realize that she needs to learn how to get along with people better in order to live independently.

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