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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Stubborn Father - November 23rd 2011, 01:14 AM

Wasn't sure if this belongs here or in general health, but oh well...

Last year whilst I was away my Dad was diagnosed with cancer of the bladder. Because of its position it was caught early and after a operation and a round of chemo he was told that they had beat it. Obviously good. However he was told that there was a large chance that it could come back and therefore its important that he attended regular check ups. Its been a year and he hasn't gone to any at all. When you try and push the matter he says if its his time to die he will die. He says he doesn't see the point in prolonging things. He has a massive phobia of doctors/hospitals/needles and trying to talk to him into going has proved impossible.
His eating has also been particularly bad and up top of that he appears to get sick a lot. Because of our working patterns I don't see much of him, but spent the whole weekend with him. He barely ate all weekend. Me and my mum also noticed that his hands were very shaky. He claims he was just cold, but this wasn't shivers, but proper trembling. When we tried to ask him if he was ok he just snapped at us, usually a indicator that he isn't ok. And I know he must have been feeling rough as he turned down a beer and let my mum stand while he sat in the only free chair. Both are behaviours I've never seen from him before. Yet he still claimed he was fine.

I'm just worried about him. He is so bloody stubborn, there is really no talking to him about any of this. Me, my mum and a family friend have all tried everything. How do you persuaded someone to get themselves checked out, when they simply don't care enough about themselves? I've told him so many times that I'm worried about him, but how can I actually make him listen?
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Re: Stubborn Father - November 23rd 2011, 11:55 AM

I think its best to sit down and talk to him about this. It would be horrible to lose him, and you don't want him feeling sick. He's giving up when he doesn't need to. Does he have a history of depression at all? This could also be a reason why he doesn't want to go get checked out.
Hopefully once he realizes how much it is affecting you and your family, he will listen and get checked out.

And here you are living, despite it all.
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Re: Stubborn Father - November 23rd 2011, 12:20 PM

I have sat down and tried to talk about this once a week/every 2 weeks since I found out about him not going to any appointments back in August. Nothing has changed, he simply won't go. If I try to argue the point that we need him around he just says the the money from his life insurance would be better than having him around. And yes I just you could say he is depressed. Thats something that has been going on longer than any other health issues. A few years back when he still cared enough to do what my mum asked he went to counselling (and anger management) for a while, but stopped. Mum eventually gave up fighting him about it. She used to be the only person that could get through to him, but on this issue he even blocks her out. Even my brother has tried, but that just ended badly.
I honestly think the only way we are going to get him to the hospital is when he finally collapses. Stubbornness like this is just plain stupid, but short of knocking him out and dragging him to the hospital myself what can we do??
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