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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Apparently my feelings don't matter... - November 25th 2011, 11:23 PM

Whenever there's an argument in our house (so, every other week), people's feelings get hurt. It's a given. Usually, as soon as my parents are done yelling at me, I run upstairs to my room and start to cry. I cry really easily, and most times I start crying before I get off the couch. My mom also gets upset really easily, and she ends up crying as well.

The problem is, when I'm upset, it doesn't matter. My parents just get angrier and tell me to go to my room. When my mom's upset, on the other hand, it becomes a HUGE deal. My dad starts screaming that I "hurt her feelings" and that I need to apologize that instant. Of course, no one ever cares if I'm upset. It seems like it's all about my mom, that everything revolves around her. I've tried talking to them about it, but they just say it's my fault that everyone's upset and that (surprise!) I need to apologize immediately.

What's the deal? Who's right? How can it be fixed?


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Re: Apparently my feelings don't matter... - November 26th 2011, 04:05 AM

Hey there,

First of all, welcome to TH!

No one is truly right or wrong. When you talked to your parents, were you calm about it, or were you accusatory? Sometimes, tone can be the deciding factor in how people respond to you. Try talking to them calmly about the way you feel. Don't point fingers at their errors, since that will just make them defensive. Instead, try to talk things out rationally. You'd be surprised at the difference it makes.

If the conversation doesn't work out, try talking to a friend, a teacher, or another trusted individual that does care about what you have to say. There are people out there that do care and want you to be happy. Finding those people and building a strong support system with them can be one of the most beneficial things for a person. Even having a strong support system on TH would be helpful.

I hope I've helped in some way. Feel free to VM/PM me if you ever need someone to listen to what you have to say. Stay strong!

Take care,
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Re: Apparently my feelings don't matter... - November 28th 2011, 08:08 AM

Fights happen, and unfortuantly in a home with teenagers, they happen alot more!

I dont think anyone is right or wrong. I think that whoever is involved should say sorry, however we both know that never works out like that.

There isnt much to do to be fixed. I would maybe learn how to communicate in a mature matter. Dont get an additude, do what she says and I think alot will change. I also reccommend doing something to get you out of the house more often! Sports, hang out with friends, something!

Goodluck!


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Re: Apparently my feelings don't matter... - November 28th 2011, 03:39 PM

First of all, realize this: Parents are sometimes wrong. However based on the simple principle that people are asses they take this authority and likely abuse it. When losing an arguement instead of rationally admiting defeat, it's easier to just send you away.

When your mother cries because she's obviously not getting her way, instead of working this out, they send you away.

People hate to lose, parents have the power to avoid losing.

The thing is, it becomes important to learn which battles to fight. Sometimes arguing is productive and will result in a drastic change. However arguing over navy/blue-gray simply wastes time and effort, and wooon't help you at all.

What you need to do is learn which battles are worth fighting, and which should just be avoided. No one will always get their way, and even if something seems stupid you have to decidie if you truly hate this, or if it's just unpleasant. Why? Because you can never completely get your way, and you have to comprimise. By doings so you have to avoid conflict unless absolutely neccessary.

My parents are sore losers, but the best way to "Win" with them is to 1. avoid conflict, aqnd 2. avoid baiting. If they're mad at you, they will try to bait a conflict just to have an excuse to yell at you/send you to your room. They might bring up topics that stir emotion, or otherwise try to provoke arguement. This is rare, but make sure you realize when it's happening and simply ignore it. Avoiding conflict was outlined above.

Sadly you are a teen, and unless they are hitting you or behaving in a manner that is somehow harming you there is nothing you can do. The easiest course is try simply avoid fighting to avoid losing.

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