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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Veni Vidi Vici Offline
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Angry Friend topping you? - November 26th 2011, 09:09 AM

Okey so, here's the thing:

My friend has no father figure, so he copies myself and other friends a lot in things like driving, shoes, job applying, what he eats, etc.

I think it's been my last straw though. He's decided to do the exact SAME job I want to do, so he's been copying my college courses and diploma plan. On top of that, it seems like he's been trying to top my marks, always giving it that extra effort over mine, ending up in better marks.

His registration for next semester courses was today, and he took the last spot for a mandatory course which only comes once a year (I'm gonna have to wait until next year to take that course). This has just infuriated me as he's even decided to take the same ELECTIVE courses as me as well(non - mandatory), these being french, and psych. I'm not the only one who's noticed as all my other friends have jokingly said "how much he's copying my life."

In a stage in life where I want to still chill with friends, while starting fresh in a new school, it's really frustrating to have a friend copy your college, your university choice, your courses, your diploma, and even your JOB! It's clear for us outsiders that he still doesn't know what he's gonna be as he's changed from wanting to be a lawyer, to an entrepreneur, to a tourist guide, to an ambassador in less than a year! Now that he's submerging himself into a diploma plan, he's gonna be going down the same road as me for the next four year maybe... Right now I'm just really angry at him, and he has no idea... There's also nothing I can do about this, it's not like I can tell him to choose another job as this is his life we're talking about...

Any advice?


Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar

Last edited by Veni Vidi Vici; November 26th 2011 at 09:18 AM.
   
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Re: Friend topping you? - November 26th 2011, 04:38 PM

The "good news", so to speak, is since he is in the courses and you are not, he cannot copy you in that respect as it seems he copies both what you do and how you succeed. If there is another college to apply so you can at least do some courses then transfer to the initial college? This would be ideal because he cannot copy your academic performance and it gives you a whole academic year to have your friends try and help or simply for him to lose interest in you and copy one of them. If he cannot interact with you as much, he may change plans.

Alternatively, apply for other courses at the same school, which depending on the size of the school, you may not see him as often. Again, once the next year rolls around, hop into the specific course you wanted.

Also, when you see him, don't be kind, be mean, be an unkind father so he will be less willing to be around and copy you. Of course try not to get in trouble with the college by doing so .

There's always a possibility that after copying you and everyone else, he finally found something that interests him, which unfortunately happens to be what you like. If he progresses on his own without copying you or your friends, then this may be the case, so be happy (and angry) for him.

Lastly, on a personal note, I've found anger to be a great motivational factor in wanting and being able to succeed. Just like your username, seize that particular day of anger and harness it. If it were up to me, I would violate several ethical, moral and possibly legal codes to swap places or at least bring him down so I can use him as a stepping stone.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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Re: Friend topping you? - November 26th 2011, 04:50 PM

Oh man. That's probably irritating. I HATE it when people snag on to any good idea I have. Especially when they initially put it down. It seems like your friend needs to visit a career center or something. There, he can take some tests to see what might be good career choices for HIM. I think your friend is just unsure about everything and doesn't want to make a mistake in the process. I really doubt he's simply trying to copy you and piss you off. I'd offer to take him to the career center at your school. Take some tests together and see what the results say. They could talk to him about other paths and such.

If he earns better marks than you due to effort, then hey, he earned the better grade. Instead of being mad at him and wasting that energy, take some anger to light a match under your own ass and beat HIM. No one is stopping you from success.

I'd also look into trying out some extra curriculars. Just don't tell him what they are, what you're doing, where you're going. It could be a small secret.


OR you could go the route of confrontation. Tell him you're annoyed that he's copying you, and ask him kindly to just fuck off? You could follow that with a trip to the career center. However, I don't think being mad at him is your best option. I think trying to help him IS.

That's just my two cents. Good luck <3


   
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Re: Friend topping you? - November 26th 2011, 08:06 PM

I can see how that would make you angry! I would be highly upset if one of my friends did that.
I think it is very, very sweet of you to be nice to him all this time. That shows how much you care and how much of a good friend you are!
But on the other hand: it sounds like it has gotten out of control. I would talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. But talk to him in the nicest way possible. He'll most likely bring up having no father-figure and everything, which will probably make you feel bad but just tell him the truth.
If you want a longer and better answer, please message me at anytime! Hope I helped(:


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Re: Friend topping you? - November 26th 2011, 08:25 PM

Its not just his life, its your life too. He cannot go through life stealing other peoples thunder and copying other peoples work just because he never had a father figure? To me, that sounds like a lame excuse. Talk to him; he needs to realize that there are other ways to succeed in life.


Exert your talents, and distinguish yourself, and don't think of retiring from the world, until the world will be sorry that you retire


   
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Re: Friend topping you? - November 27th 2011, 09:11 AM

Thanks for the input guys!

I can't really confront him with this as I know he's gonna get defensive. He's probably gonna say how I can't tell him which job to choose since this is what he's gonna be doing for the rest of his life.

I can't really choose another university to go to since the plan I'm taking right now is directed at a certain university.

I know I should be lighting a fire under my own ass to get better marks than him but it's just infuriating seeing a friend take pleasure in seeing themselves do better in a course I introduced him to. We should be helping each other.

I know his father figure predicament isn't okay to use as an excuse, but I don't think I should be bringing that up if you know what I mean...

I don't feel like being mean is the way to go, but I'm constantly trying to separate my courses from his.


Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered -Julius Caesar
   
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