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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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justmeg Offline
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Question still friends? not sure... - November 29th 2011, 02:39 AM

this is just something that's been bothering me lately, and i can't really talk about it with my group of friends because well, it involves one of them

one of my closest friends from high school, who has legit been there for me since we became friends, and for whom i've always been there, well she's changed a lot since we graduated almost 2 years ago. like, she was legit my best friend but i feel like i don't even know her anymore.

she was in a relationship with this total douchenozzle for like, a year and a half. we all hated this guy and he was actually abusive toward her. our group of friends tried to talk her out of it, but she just wouldn't hear it. she finally ended it after some crazy shit went down at a party and i thought that she was ok again, and our friend group was back on track, chicks before dicks kinda thing like we always were. she apologized to us all for not listening and pushing us away, but even now, a good couple months since she dumped "the douchebag" as i call him she's still really distant it seems. i know it's prob not right to blame her ex, but she's changed soo much since she started dating him, and not really in a good way.

it's like she's so desperate to have a boyfriend that she's removed herself from our friend group and ignored us, almost. the thing that really bothers me is what we used to tell each other everything and were always there for each other, through thick and thin. i used to tell her everything from family problems to relationship drama to what i was doing with my life to weekend plans. and now i barely hear from her. she didn't even tell me she'd met a new guy and started dating him...she said something like, oh yea my boyfriend's coming over today. i was like, what the hell? when did this happen and why didn't you tell me anything? not that she has to report to me, but that's something you'd tell your best friend, right?

plus, she's kind of shifted friend groups and is always hanging out with this new group of friends who literally party every weekend and drink every other day. not that i have a problem with them, but she's so wrapped up in that lifestyle and having a boyfriend. it's not my place to tell her what to do, but she's such a different person anymore.

i just really miss the friendship we used to have. i'd feel awful for bringing all this shit up and starting more drama (she really doesn't need more in her life), but i feel like i should maybe try to talk to her. she's so stubborn and set in her new ways that i wonder if i could get through to her. it's sad to see someone i care(d) about so much make so many alienating decisions and turn away from the people who have helped her through some of the toughest times and been there for her when she needed someone.

any advice on if/how i should talk to her? i feel almost intrusive to do so, but i miss her (well, the person she used to be). i know people change, but i never thought i'd witness such a drastic change, esp in someone so close to me :/
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Chris Offline
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Re: still friends? not sure... - November 29th 2011, 02:54 AM

Well this happens alot. Unfortuantly after high school the best friends we had sometimes dont always stay best friends. In this case, it seems that she just found a new group of friends. Maybe try to talk to her, get a date where you guys can all hangout. If she says no, or doesnt show up, than I think its clear that she doesnt want to be apart of your group anymore - which I think you should respect her decision.

Sometimes we just grow apart from those we use to really care about. Sometimes friendships just arent the same. I wish I could tell you why she found a new group, and doesnt seem to want to be around you guys anymore but I cant. So maybe just come out and ask her, She what she says. That should answer all doubt.


Best wishes,

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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justmeg Offline
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Re: still friends? not sure... - November 29th 2011, 03:08 AM

i know people always say that, it just kind of sucks to actually experience it :/

i've tried to kind of work things out before. she started a text message fight over something stupid despite the fact that i was at her apartment literally 3 hours beforehand. the fact that she can't just straight up talk to me really pissed me off. i'd love to be able to work things out because i don't like the idea of just cutting ties, but at the same time, it's pissed me off that she's bringing all this stupid drama upon herself. gah. the frustration!

i don't mind that she hangs out with new people, but our one friend group from high school is a really close-knit group. so to see her remove herself from that hurts a little, if that makes sense. thanks for the advice
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