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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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heather_tate19 Offline
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Name: Heather
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Post trouble with roommates - November 29th 2011, 07:10 AM

I have been living with some people for a few months now.

The house is called 'the regent ranch' and it is an all catholic girls house.

Over the summer there was a roommate who didn't like that it was a catholic girls house. She wasn't a very peaceful person and didn't take responsibility when she told her friends how to get into the house while she was out of town, when they threw a party at the house and left a mess as well as some broken items. She thought that she and her friends could do no wrong (try saying that in front of the glass decorations they broke).

Well, summer ended, and she left, but not without a hostile environment getting stirred up as well as leaving abusive messages on the whiteboard for two months straight. My sister and I cleaned up the house, and have been taking care of it every weekend (such as cleaning the kitchen, bathrooms, vacuuming, etc.) since our landlord likes to see that the house is being taken care of.

This fall, it was all our old roommate's friends who moved back into the house and so far, things have been both tense and turbulent. One of the things I was forced into doing was living in the basement for another girl so she could have the heater that was in there since she gets cold easily. The basement is a very depressing room, with no windows and I am constantly awakened by the machines at night. I have fixed this problem by sleeping on the couches in the main living area.

However, there have been escalating problems. It all started when I got back from thanksgiving break. We have a rule at our house that said to empty the garbage when needed and not to have the dishes sit out longer than 24 hours.

When I walked in the house, there was a huge stack of dishes sitting out that had been left there for 4 days straight, and the garbage and recycling were overflowing (since my sister and I usually take it out, we wanted someone else to take care of it this time, and that didn't happen). so I took care of the garbage, and I placed all the dishes in a box because I needed kitchen space to do some cooking. I then wrote on the whiteboard "the dishes that were left here over break were placed in a box that is next to the dishwasher. they still need to be washed."

Tonight, I was confronted by one of my roommates, who had me follow her downstairs (where another roommate was listening in the next room) while she told me what she thought of the message. she was saying that she thought it sounded hostile, when I said that I didn't like hostile messages. she went on to ask who I was aiming it at, and I told her, I was aiming it at everyone who didn't do their dishes before break- which wasn't me or my sister since we both did ours. She expressed that she didn't like seeing how she provided most of the dishes in the house and seeing the rot in a box in the corner, which I then asked what the difference was between them rotting in the corner and them rotting on the counter for four days straight. I asked her what she would have done and she said she would have washed the dishes and how I handled the situation was immature. Personally, I'm not going to be ANYONE's maid anymore. When the dishes were out for more than 24 hours (I think 4 days counts), then I was angry and took action.

she then went on to say that she's lived in the house a year longer than I have and that my sister and I are acting like we own the house (I think we are just being responsible and taking care of it). She then went on to say that she didn't like how I slept on the couch and made it my 'office' 24/7 (since I do my homework in there too). I told her that she allowed my older sister to sleep on the couch all year last year anther response was that my older sister was like family to her. So she wanted me to: wash the dishes in the box, sleep in the basement, and not do my homework in the living space (but I don't have a desk to work on!).

she then called in the roommate that was listening, and that's when I said 'why do I feel like I'm being ganged up on?' and left. they then went to knock on my door, and said they didn't mean to make me feel ganged up on (b.s. compared to what they were telling me before) and I just left because I have an important exam (in physics) this week that I would rather study for than be in the same house as them.

I think her demands were a little ridiculous since I pay the same amount as everyone else to live in the house. I live in a crappier room, which isn't even worth it since the girl who got my room doesn't even use the heater in there, she just turns up the furnace, making more noise in the basement and driving up the electric bill. I also take more responsibility for the care of the house than they do (and my landlord is pleased).

Not to mention, she has neglected the rules too, inviting people over when we said to tell us first so we can clean up. Also, when I confronted her about something, she just said 'okay' and then forgot about it.She also disrespected our wishes when it comes to things that should not be done, and just does things that one would logically think about first (like when sharing an oven with someone, you NEVER turn down the temperature for your item when theirs was in there first. you either cook it at their temperature or wait until they are done).

I am a chemistry and mathematics major. She is a political science major. I wonder how she got into one of the most elite schools in the state sometimes because she is really...dull.

I'm not sleeping in the basement. I will be happy when I get back there if someone did the dishes in the box, and I will for get all of it even happened. However, at this point, I'm reflecting on my actions that I took and those of my roommates.

I would like to know your thoughts (if you have any), as well as what should happen next. I do not want to talk to them (they are not very pleasant people) and I don't think I will be able to control my mouth, but I can't sleep in the library every night and shower at the campus gym every day.
   
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Re: trouble with roommates - November 29th 2011, 01:51 PM

I know what its like to have difficult housemates like that. But hiding in the library and showering on campus is not an issue to deal with it. The way I see it is that you have three main options
1) You and your sister move out. The house you are currently in doesn't seem big enough for you all anyway and you don't seem to be getting on with them.
2) You continue doing all the house work, living in the basement etc. But ask to pay less rent for not having a proper room.
3) You look after yourself and your own mess but leave them to it. Don't tidy dirty dishes away, just stack them somewhere on view and find a way to work around the mess. Maybe eventually they will see that they need to be doing more. In my experience this option works, but takes times and means you compromising your standards of safe living.

How does your sister feel about all this? Have you talked to her about how its making you feel? By the sound of it she has been in the house longer than you, did she experience the same problems before?

If the situation is making you unhappy you need to sit down and talk as a group. Decide what each of you wants out of the living arrangement. I'm generally against rotas (my opinion being that everyone should be mature enough to just pull their own weight without being asked) but if thats the only fair way of making sure you arent being left to do most the housework then I would suggest suggesting that to the group.
   
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